Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
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NOVEMBER 2-8, 2016 UCW 35 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM WEEKLY HOROSCOPE ADVICE GODDESS The Shrining Six months after meeting this amazing woman — I'll call her Ms. Perfect — I asked her to marry me. A year later, she broke off the engagement, saying, "I shouldn't be wearing your engagement ring and noticing other men." That was two years ago. Since then, I've dated three women. None came close to the high bar set by Ms. Perfect. Do I lower my standards or live the rest of my life alone? — Don't Want To Hurt Someone Else As I Was Hurt Like most of us, you probably have the adorable idea of memory as some faithful servant, dutifully reporting what actually happened — rather than as the sneaky, ego-serving distorter it is. If memory were faithful to reality — like a videotape — we could just pull out, oh, "The night of January 12, 2015, with Ms. Perfect" and we'd have an accurate replay of the evening's events, with maybe a few fuzzy bits where somebody spilled a little sangria on the tape. However, fascinating research on learning and memory by cognitive psychologist Robert Bjork finds that "using one's memory shapes one's memory." Bjork explains that the more you "retrieve" something from your mind — that is, bring up the memory to replay — the bigger and stronger it grows in your memory. In other words, retrieval is the neon-pink highlighting marker of your mind. So, you retrieve and retrieve — and remember — your ex's heart-shaped fried eggs and that sweet thing she said while unloading the dishwasher and not being exiled to the couch or her circus- style knife throwing. Not surprisingly, no real woman can compare. And sure, maybe these women you dated weren't right for you. But the question — with any woman — is whether she meets enough of your standards. You can't have it all — but do you have enough of it all? You figure that out by coming up with a shortlist of minimums — standards for the stuff you absolutely can't live without in a partner, in looks, demeanor (especially kindness), intelligence, rationality, and anything else that matters to you. Once you find someone who meets your minimums, remind yourself of the distorto job done on memory by the viewing preferences of your ego and emotions. This should help keep you from damaging your future with this new woman: "Oh … table for three?" she says. "Is somebody joining us?" You: "Just the eternal spectre of my ex." (Uh, not the sort of threesome anyone is looking for.) Copyright Amy Alkon NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD A s nine st ates nex t mont h ask voters to approve some form of legalizat ion of marijuana, a "new customer base" for t he product — pet s — was highlighted in an October New York Times repor t . Dogs and cat s are st ruck w it h maladies similar to t hose t hat humans repor t in cannabis success stories: seizures, inf lammat ion, an xiet y, ar t hrit is and ot her pain and subsequent social w it hdrawals. The " high"-producing THC element cannot be used because it is notoriously toxic to dogs, but ot her element s in t he drug seem to work well not only for dogs and cat s but, by anecdot al ev idence, pigs, horses and domest icated w ild animals. [New York Times, 10-8-2016] Compelling Explanations In September, Charles Law rence III, 60, was sentenced to eight years in prison for at tempted sexual assault despite his claim t hat it was just bad eyesight t hat caused t he problem. He had arrived at a house in Fairf ield, Connec t icut, to have sex w it h a male he had met online, but t he event t urned out to be a "To Catch a Predator " st ing. Law rence, an account ant, claimed t hat, in tex t messages w it h t he " boy," he had seen "18" as his age, when, according to police ev idence, t he tex t read "13." (Bonus: Law rence k new "Predator " newsman Chris Hansen socially and commuted daily on t he t rain w it h him, according to Law rence's law yer.) [Connecticut Post, 9-2- 2016] A 23-year-old woman on a bus in Ist anbul, Turkey, was at t acked by Abdullah Cak iroglu, 35, in September because, as he told police, he had become "aroused" by her wearing shor t s. (Init ially, he was not arrested, but af ter a protest on social media, police came to get him — t hough for " incit ing ," not assault .) He told police, "I lost myself " because t he woman had " disregarded t he values of our count r y," and "my spirit ual side took over, and I k icked her in t he face." [The Independent (London), 9-22-2016] COPY R IGHT CHUCK SHEPPAR D ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 Things are rushing by at breakneck speed, Aries. There's nothing you can do to slow down the pace, and you may be carried along for a while. Just hold on and enjoy the ride. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 Taurus, when you relax and let people in, they can get a better assessment of the real you. Put yourself out there and let others get to know you for the great person you are. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 Gemini, you're capable of coming up with brilliant strategies on a moment's notice. When a new situation presents itself, give yourself some extra time to come up with a course of action. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 Cancer, you may be ready to take an emotional risk this week, but you are not sure where to devote your efforts. Put your heart out there, and it won't let you down. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 Leo, put yourself in another person's shoes for a bit. Doing so may help you see things from that person's perspective, and that will only serve to benefit your relationship. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Virgo, some big news could be on the horizon, but you'll have to be patient and wait for the news to be delivered. Try to find ways to fill the downtime. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Libra, a loved one knows which buttons to push to motivate you. Accept this indirect form of help and employ your newfound sense of motivation to get the job done. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 Scorpio, someone may have the upper hand in a certain situation. Listen to what this person has to say and look for a way to compromise so all involved can benefit. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 Sagittarius, teamwork is the best way to tackle a project at work. Encourage your team to pull together and you will all be rewarded for your successful efforts. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Patience is one of your strongest attributes, Capricorn. When faced with someone who is ready to forge ahead, emphasize the importance of taking things slowly. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 Aquarius, exercise caution when discussing delicate matters this week. Allow others involved in the discussion to share their points of view just like you want to share your own. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 Think twice before acting, Pisces. A careful approach to a task at hand will prove especially helpful in the days ahead. Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard 97.1 % receivership 76.9 % readership 74.4 % of readers make their buying decisions from free newspaper advertising and editorial Your Logo Here In your home every week..... TSCSI FREE PAPERS