Up & Coming Weekly

May 03, 2016

Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.

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MAY 4-10 2016 UCW 27 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS All in a Day's Jerk I'm a happily married 30-year-old woman. A co-worker pointed out a senior trainer at work constantly sneaking lustful glances at me. I was later assigned to his section. We quickly became close friends, and he began mentoring me. He's married, too, with two children, so though we were extremely flirtatious, nothing inappropriate ever happened, and I told my husband about him. Recently, there were rumors that this man and I were hooking up. He freaked, saying he could lose everything, and cut off our mentorship and our friendship. This was a real slap in the face, as was learning that he'd never told his wife about me. Should I confront him about how bad it feels to be cut off by him? — Betrayed We all hope for life-changing experiences, but it's best if they aren't getting fired, going through a bitter divorce and having the ex-wife drop off the kids on alternating weekends: "Okay, boys, time to put down the Xbox and go visit your dad at the homeless shelter!" And no, he never announced to his wife, "Hey, honey, I'm mentoring this total hotbody. There's a rumor that we're hooking up. Believe me, I wish we were…" Of course, he wouldn't say that, but he probably senses what psychologist Paul Ekman has found — that we tend to "leak" what we're really feeling through facial expressions and body language (especially if these include Gollum-like panting and slobbering: "Must. Have. The. Precious"). You probably understand this intellectually. But the sting from being socially amputated comes out of what psychologist Donna Hicks, an international conflict resolution specialist, deems a "dignity violation." Hicks describes dignity as "an internal state of peace" we feel from being treated as if we have value and our feelings matter. Because we evolved as a cooperative species and reputation was essential to our remaining in our ancestral band, we react to threats to our dignity as we would threats to our survival. You patch up your dignity not by marching around all butthurt while waiting for him to repair it but by calmly taking the initiative. Tell him that you miss having him as a friend and mentor — but that you understand. Counterintuitively, you should find that being the bigger one makes you feel better. Acting like the antithesis of the scorned work wife should help him ease up, too. Though it's unlikely that things will go back to how they were, he should at least stop treating you like poison ivy in career separates. Copyright Amy Alkon WEEKLY HOROSCOPES NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD In March, one District of Columbia government administrative law judge was charged with misdemeanor assault on another. Judge Sharon Goodie said she wanted to give Judge Joan Davenport some files, but Davenport, in her office, would not answer the door. Goodie said once the door finally opened, an enraged Davenport allegedly "lunged" at her, "aiming" her thrust at Goodie's neck. [Washington Post, 4-5-2016] Tennessee state Rep. Jeremy Durham has such a reputation as a "dog" around women working at the capitol that the house speaker issued a directive in April relocating Durham's office to a less- populated building across the street. Further, Durham is allowed access only to certain legislative meetings and to certain staff (i.e., no free-ranging among female staff members). After interviewing 34 people, the state attorney general said he believed that Rep. Durham's unwanted sexual approaches and commentaries were impeding legislative business. [The Tennessean, 4-7-2016] Awesome Governments! (1) Chinese courts (according to figures reported by Amnesty International in March) dispense justice so skillfully that more than 99.9 percent of cases result in convictions (1,039 acquittals in 1.2 million cases last year). (2) During its first 33 years (through 2012), the U.S. government's applications for secret search warrants to the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court have been approved all but 11 times out of 33,900 cases. (FISC defenders say that is because all requests are finely honed by guidance from the judges, but of course, both the Chinese and U.S. numbers, and reasoning, are, by designation, unverifiable.) [Daily Telegraph (London), 3-14-2016] [Stanford Law Review, vol. 66, February 2014] Leading Economic Indicators "Who's a Good Dog?"/"Yes, You Are": Some are just blessed with doggy charisma, say owners who showcase their pet's charm on "personal" social media accounts, and now specialized marketers scour those sources to match the most popular pooches with advertisers seeking just the right four-legged companion for their image. As The Wall Street Journal reported in April, entrepreneurial dog owners have rushed to create popular Instagram accounts and Facebook posts (and now, even to put their photogenic pups on a live-streaming app called Waggle) to catch agents' eyes (and, they hope, lead to four- and five-figure paydays from such advertisers as Nikon, PetSmart, Residence Inn and Heinz). [Wall Street Journal, 4-6-2016] COPYRIGHT CHUCK SHEPPARD ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 Things seem to be in high gear this week, Aries. Others around you are just as boisterous, and it may even seem manic. Exercise a little extra patience to get through. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 Taurus, you have been hiding something and it's time you let your feelings out in the open this week. Pay attention to how others react to the news. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 If you crave adventure, Gemini, then it could be time to host a party or see if friends want to go out on the town. Staying home mulling over all of the options will get you nowhere. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 This week's contradictory cosmic energy will not help you when making decisions, Cancer. It is entirely up to you and your gut instincts to make the right decisions. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 Leo, do not ignore the inner voice that is trying to tell you to take life more seriously. It can't be all fun and games. Buckle down at work and set a plan into action. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Circumstances beyond your control will make work a little more stressful than you had anticipated, Virgo. Bide your time and soon the week will be over. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Libra, no matter how hard you try to get yourself heard, others just aren't ready to listen. Perhaps you have to try a new approach to making your voice heard? SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 Scorpio, you may find yourself in trouble this week because you keep on starting new things without finishing others. Pretty soon you will have a list of unfinished business. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 Restlessness can get the better of you this week, Sagittarius. Just don't jet off on some spur-of-the-moment trip to try to channel your energy. You have things to handle first. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Finding yourself in the middle of a sticky situation has you trying to discover a solution to a complicated problem, Capricorn. You might need to distance yourself for a little while. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 A disagreement with a friend or family member could turn your schedule upside down for a little bit, Aquarius. You'll get back on track soon enough and resolve your issues. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 Pisces, getting your finances in order will take more than balancing your checkbook. It might be time to make some cuts and follow a budget. Amy Alkon

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