Up & Coming Weekly

April 19, 2016

Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.

Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/668620

Contents of this Issue

Navigation

Page 5 of 40

APRIL 20-26, 2016 UCW 5 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM "Fr iends and good manners will car r y you where money won't ." – Margaret Walker A polit e, a nd ma n nerly f r iend w i l l soon be t each ing et iquet t e at a loc a l educ at iona l in s t it ut ion; a t a sk t hat su it s her per fec t ly. Her s t udent s w i l l ent er t he rea l world w it h en ha nced sk i l ls for t heir per sona l a nd work place lives a s wel l a s a clea rer u nder s t a nd ing of why et iquet t e — what some c a l l ord ina r y good ma n ner s — is t he g rea se t hat smoot h s int er ac t ion s w it h ou r fel low hu ma n being s . It keeps u s f rom say ing ug ly or u n k ind word s t o each ot her or con k ing someone over t he head when we a re a ng r y or d isplea sed . Et iquet t e/ma n ner s requ ire u s t o con sider ot her s' feeling s, a nd i f we do not , br a nd u s a s c r ude bores, mea n people or wor se. Et iquet t e evolves over t ime a nd is d i f ferent in d i f ferent c u lt u res — t h in k polit e bow ing in some ea s t er n c u lt u res a nd t he w i ld proli fer at ion of f ish fork s a nd g r apef r u it spoon s at proper Vic t or ia n d in ner t ables, but it s core is a lways respec t f u l t reat ment of t hose a rou nd u s . "Miss Ma n ner s" — a k a Jud it h Ma r t in, put s it t his way. "I make a dist inc t ion bet ween manners and et iquet te — manners as t he pr inciples t hat are eter nal and universal, et iquet te as t he par t icular r ules which are arbit rar y and dif ferent in dif ferent t imes, dif ferent sit uat ions, dif ferent cult ures." However we label it , it u nderlies c iv i l soc iet y. It is a lso simple, a s Parent s in s t r uc t s it s reader s . T hree dec ades ago Rober t Fu lg hu m published A l l I Rea l ly Need t o K now I L ea r ned in K inder g a r t en, a cla ssic t a ke on liv ing a good li fe. Parent s mag a zine is more spec i f ic in it s piece "25 Ma n ner s K id s Shou ld K now," t ips t hat work ju s t a s wel l for adu lt s . Here a re some of t he mos t obv iou s a nd t he mos t abu sed . "Do not com ment on ot her people's physical charac ter ist ics unless, of course, it 's to compliment t hem, which is always welcome." T he Dick sons lear ned t his one t he hard way, when a Precious Jewel st anding nearly 3-feet t all looked up f rom t hat low vant age point past a pot belly so impressive t hat it s ow ner, my professional colleag ue, had to wear his belt below it . T he child looked into t he man's eyes and said f lat ly but clear as a bell, " You're fat ." We quick ly and pr ivately had a mot her-child conference on t he topic "If you don't have any t hing nice to say, don't say any t hing at all" and t hat not ever y t hought needs to be spoken aloud. Several years later, a t utor ial was required af ter t he Jewel and a f r iend commented on a classmate's large ears, and we landed in t he pr incipal's of f ice, but event ually t he lesson was lear ned. "K nock on closed doors — and wait to see if t here's a response — before enter ing." Ever y parent I have ever t alked to about t his one has had such an ex per ience, of ten involv ing t he bat hroom or bedroom. For t unately, most children f ig ure t his one out about t he t ime t hey would like a lit t le pr ivac y t hemselves. I have no idea what to do about adult s who have not lear ned t his except scream at t hem. T hey deser ve to be embar rassed. " Use eat ing ut en si ls properly. If you a re u nsure how to do so, ask your parent s to teach you or watch what adult s do." I suspec t t his is w ill be an impor t ant aspec t of what my f r iend w ill teach her st udent s. She may also tell t he stor y of President George H. W. Bush dr ink ing water f rom his f ingerbowl because a g uest did so, and he did not want to embar rass his g uest , an example of t he ult imate good manners. "Be appreciat ive and say 't hank you' for any g if t you receive. In t he age of email, a handw r it ten t hank you note can have a power f ul ef fec t ." T he Precious Jewels were inst r uc ted f rom an early age t hat a g if t was of f limit s unt il t he note was w r it ten. T his was not always ef fec t ive, but at least t hey got t he idea. Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis was so good at t hank yous and cong rat ulat ions t hat her notes—always on blue st at ioner y—are t reasured keepsakes in many families. " T he world is not int eres t ed in what you d isli ke. Keep neg at ive opin ion s t o you r sel f, or bet ween you a nd you r f r iend s, a nd out of ea r shot of adu lt s ." A nd, "Never u se fou l la ng uage in f ront of adu lt s . Grow n-ups a lready k now a l l t hose word s, a nd t hey f ind t hem bor ing a nd u nplea sa nt ." Not so su re about sa nc t ion ing neg at ive com ment s a nd ug ly la ng uage a mong chi ld ren a s long a s adu lt s do not hea r t hem, but clea rly chi ld ren do ex per iment a nd lea r n f rom it . It is a lso a f ac t t hat I wa s a na ïve mot her when t he P rec iou s Jewels were you ng . A s t or y f a mou s in ou r f a m i ly involves t he t ime I t old a f r iend t he ch i ld ren were in t he back y a rd play ing . My nex t door neig hbor, a k inder g a r t en t eacher who had seen it a l l a nd whose ow n chi ld ren were a lso in t he y a rd, sa id, "No, Ma r g a ret , t hey a re in t he back y a rd smok ing ." Obv iously, manners can be lear ned and t he ef for t is well wor t h it . But for t hose who never lea r n, Ma rk Twa in says t h is . "It is a m is t a ke t hat t here is no bat h t hat w i l l c u re people's ( bad) ma n ner s . But d row n ing wou ld help." Do Unto Others by MARGARET DICKSON OPINION MARGARET DICKSON. Columnist. COMMENTS? Editor@upandcomin- gweekly.com. 910.484.6200. Judith Martin, a.k.a. Miss Manners

Articles in this issue

Links on this page

Archives of this issue

view archives of Up & Coming Weekly - April 19, 2016