Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
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22 UCW MARCH 30 - APRIL 5, 2016 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS We'll Always Have Parasite -- When I got remarried, I inherited a stepdaughter. At the time, I was happy about this. Though she and my husband had been estranged for many years, I was instrumental in getting them to reconcile. I've come to regret this. She is a rageaholic, spendaholic party girl. She has three DUIs and an extravagant lifestyle that's financially draining her dad and me. Though I have no problem cutting her off, my husband can't say no to his little girl — which has us on opposing ends of a bitter battle. — Stressed-Out Stepmother Obviously, your husband means well. Unfortunately, he's engaging in what's called "pathological altruism." The primary researcher on this, Dr. Barbara Oakley, explains it as an intention to help that actually ends up doing harm.. Enabling can feel so right in the moment, Oakley explains — in part because we get something out of it: activation of the same regions of the brain that "light up" from drugs and gambling. (Say hello to the "helper's high.") Refusing to "help," on the other hand, is uncomfortable and tends to lead to ugly interactions, like screaming matches. Being judiciously helpful takes asking the feel-bad questions, like "What's the likely result of consistently attaching a garden hose to our bank account and washing away any consequences from Princess Partyhardy's actions?" That's a question that should get answered before she gets her fourth DUI. You can keep telling your husband this, but because of his emotional ensnarement, he'll probably just fight harder to go along with her little-girl-voiced shakedowns. Fear and anger make for the worst argument partners. They trigger the amygdala, a central player in the brain's threat-detection circuit. It, in turn, sounds the alarm, triggering the release of fight- or-flight hormones and shutting down functions not needed to battle or bolt, like — whoops — higher reasoning. Advice columnists tend to squawk like parrots, "Therapy! Therapy!" However, in your situation — because you two can't seem to dial down the "bitter battle" — there is an intermediary you should consider engaging: a mediator. Mediation is dispute resolution. It's issue-focused, so it's worlds faster than therapy. The mediator's job is to dial down the emotional temperature and get you two listening to each other — to the point where you understand each other's feelings. The mediator then guides you to come to a decision as a couple and can help you set up a framework for discussing emotionally charged issues so date night doesn't devolve into hate night. Copyright Amy Alkon WEEKLY HOROSCOPES NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD Universit y of Oregon professor Mark Carey produced a 10,300- word journal ar t icle in Januar y proposing a new sensit iv it y to Ear t h's melt ing icecaps: a " feminist glaciolog y f ramework " to "generate robust analysis of gender, power and epistemologies" w it h a goal of more " just and equit able" " human-ice interact ions." The jargonized, densely worded t rac t suggest s t hat melt ing icecaps can be properly understood only w it h more input f rom female scient ist s since, somehow, research so far dispropor t ionately emphasizes climate change's impac t on males. (The New York Post repor ted t hat t he paper was f unded by a Nat ional Science Foundat ion grant of $412,930.) [Progress in Human Geography, 1-8- 2016] [New York Post, 3-8-2016] Chut zpah! Tr y ing to put (as a crit ic charged) " lipst ick on a pig ," Michigan Gov. R ick Snyder boasted in March t hat t he lead-in-t he-water crisis plag uing t he cit y of Flint for mont hs now had act ually spurred job grow t h. Though Snyder has been heav ily crit icized for t ight-f isted budget ing t hat enabled t he crisis, 81 temporar y workers have been recent ly hired — to hand out bot t led water so t hat resident s would not have to hydrate t hemselves w it h poisoned municipal water. [Polit icsCent ral.org , 3-3- 2016] Can't Possibly Be True Homeless people f requent ly store t heir few possessions in commandeered shopping car t s, but New Yorker Sonia Gonzalez, 60, became a legend recent ly on Manhat t an's West Side by maneuvering a st unning , block-long assemblage of more t han 20 car t s' wor t h of possessions along t he sidewalk s. Among t he content s: an air condit ioner, a laundr y hamper, shower cur t ain rods, a w ire shelv ing unit, wooden pallet s, suitcases and, of course, bot t les and cans. She moved along by pushing car t s t wo or t hree at a t ime, a few feet at a t ime, block ing ent rances to stores in t he process. ( The day af ter a New York Post stor y on Gonzalez's caravan, Mayor DiBlasio ordered cit y workers to junk ever y t hing not essent ial, leav ing her w it h about one car t 's wor t h.) [New York Post, 3-9-2016, 3-10-2016] COPYRIGHT CHUCK SHEPPARD ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 Aries, expect quite a few opportunities to have fun this week. Just do not disregard any work or other personal responsibilities in the process. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 Taurus, an energy is growing between you and another person who recently entered your life. Others will soon begin to notice the sparks are flying. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 You are in a good position to help a friend or coworker this week, Gemini. Although the offer may not be immediately accepted, after time this person will seek you out. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 Cancer, while working on a big project, you may be frustrated by the pace others are working at. But exercise patience, as this is a task that requires considerable cooperation. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 Leo, make a good impression on everyone you meet this week by beginning your conversation with a smile. Remember, accepting others and being polite can help you make friends. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Responsibilities at work leave you feeling more frazzled than before, Virgo. Remember to take a step away every so often so you can regroup and recharge. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Libra, certain aspects of your life may prove a little topsy-turvy this week. This unpredictable period may change your perspective for the better. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 Scorpio, embrace a new responsibility for the challenge it presents. This is a unique opportunity to illustrate your ability to adapt and handle something new. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 Sagittarius, don't expect to be surprised this week. You are locked in and can see whatever is coming long before it arrives. Use this to your advantage. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Capricorn, take a step back if your approach to a problem is not leading to a solution. Some time away might provide the new perspective you need to find the answer after all. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 Aquarius, do not procrastinate when others request your feedback. Give a prompt answer and be definitive in your explanation so there is no chance for misinterpretation. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 After coming up with a few dead ends this week, you soon realize you have to take another approach, Pisces. Gemini can guide you. Amy Alkon FREE Community Papers Because sometimes the world is... ...right where you live. "74.4% of Community Paper Readers Make Their Buying Decisions from Free Paper Advertising and Editorial Content." 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