Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
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JANUARY 20-26, 2016 UCW 23 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS Ben Hurry I'm a woman in my 40s, and I've been happily married for 22 years. Unfortunately, my husband and I have never been very compatible sexually. I had read so much Cosmo in college that I believed sex was something we could work on. Well, he is quick in the sack and uninterested in my pleasure. It's been two decades of "Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am," and our old four minutes of intercourse now lasts for about two. And yes, I have asked him to attend to my needs — for years. He just blows me off. He's always been satisfied, so he is not motivated to change. After a particularly quick encounter this morning left me feeling used, my thought was that I need a divorce. I'm distraught to think this way. Is there another option? — Unsatisfied Though your sex face is obviously a frown, the big issue here isn't bad sex; it's bad love. You don't seem to see it that way, perhaps due to "cognitive dissonance." That's social psychologist Leon Festinger's term for the psychological discomfort of simultaneously holding two conflicting views — like the belief that you're worthy of love and the observation that your husband's about as attentive to you in bed as he is to the headboard. To smooth out an inconsistency like this, we typically grab for whichever explanation helps us feel good about ourselves — which is maybe why you describe yourself as "happily married" to a man who acts like the clitoris is a rare exotic bird. If, outside of bed, he's actually loving enough for you to want to fix this, you might say something like "I love you and want to save our marriage, but I feel deeply unloved whenever we have sex." Explain that if he isn't willing to take steps to change, you don't think you can stay with him. Specify the steps, like practice sessions in which you show him what you like and maybe some get-togethers with a sex therapist (a referee to call him on his sense of sexual entitlement). Even if he were to agree to all of it, be realistic. Sex might start feeling more like being made love to than being bumped into by a naked man, but it's unlikely to ever be mind-blowing or anything close. Still, you might be happy if you just see that he cares enough to make an effort in bed — one leisurely enough that you don't expect it to be followed by "meep meep!" and a cartoon cloud of dust. Copyright Amy Alkon WEEKLY HOROSCOPES NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD A tractor-trailer driver with a load of bottled water tried to make it over a historic bridge in Paoli, Indiana, on Christmas Day, with the obvious outcome when 35 tons of water starts across a limit-6-tons span. The driver told police she saw the 6-ton sign but did not know how that "translated" to pounds. Among the activists denouncing a proposed solar-panel farm at a December Woodland (North Carolina) Town Council meeting were a husband and wife certain that vegetation near the panels would die because the panels would (the husband said) "suck up all the energy from the sun." His wife (described as a "retired science teacher") explained that the solar panels prevent "photosynthesis" (and also, of course, cause cancer). The council voted a moratorium on the panels. [WDRB-TV (Louisville, Ky.), 12-25-2015] [Roanoke-Chowan News-Herald, 12-8- 2015] Recent Recurring Themes Paul Stenstrom of Tarpon Springs, Florida, is among the most recent Americans to have discovered the brightest side of federal bankruptcy law, having lived in his mortgaged home basically free of charge from 2002 until 2013 by using the law to stave off foreclosure. Even though none of his 15 petitions was ever approved, he followed each one immediately with another petition, and it was not until 2013 that one judge finally declared Stenstrom a "serially abusive filer," barring further petitions for two years — at which point his bank was able to conclude the foreclosure. Upon expiration of the two-year period in September 2015, Stenstrom quickly filed another bankruptcy petition — to keep from being evicted from the townhouse on whose rent he is four months behind. [Tampa Bay Times, 11- 21-2015] Bright Ideas In October, once again, police (this time in Liyang in eastern China) arrested a man whom they accused of stealing women's underwear, prolifically, with a device likened to a fishing rod, enabling him to reach into windows and extract goodies. The suspect, 32, admitted to a three-year scheme, and in his van police found 285 bras and 185 panties. [The Guardian (London), 10-24-2015] 2015 COPYRIGHT CHUCK SHEPPARD ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 Aries, do not allow distractions to keep you from completing tasks that need to get done. Use your ability to focus to plow through your to-do list and finish in record time. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 Taurus, this week you may be tempted to take risks you never would have considered before. Just don't let excitement get in the way of common sense. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 Something totally unexpected will grab your attention in the next few days, Gemini. Trust your intuition to take things slowly and put out all feelers before you forge ahead. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 Cancer, although you have a plan to reach all of your goals, do not put success ahead of others' feelings. Be considerate of others even if their efforts are not up to par. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 Leo, proceed with caution in a new friendship or partnership. Test the waters before you devote yourself fully. This approach will ensure you made the right decision. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Virgo, if the potential to be criticized scares you, you may not be inclined to express yourself honestly. Worry less about what others think of you and be confident in yourself. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Libra, if you're feeling on edge lately, it may be because you haven't had a chance to relieve stress. Exercise can be a surefire fix to what ails you, so get up and go. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 Scorpio, an opportunity presents itself in the weeks ahead, and this will be too good to pass up. Embrace the changes that this opportunity offers. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 Sagittarius, your social life is bustling, but sometimes it can be difficult to keep up with all of the things filling your calendar. You may want to take a few days off. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Career obstacles may pop up from time to time, but you have the commitment to see things through for the long haul. Keep up that perseverance this week. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 You can't always play the peacemaker, Aquarius. Sometimes you just have to let others fight their own battles and then offer support to those who need it. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 Pisces, there is more going on than meets the eye. You have to pay attention to the subtle undercurrents to figure out fact from fiction. Amy Alkon Kids will spend 8 minutes decorating their little brother. How about two minutes to brush their teeth? Brushing for two minutes now can save your child from severe tooth pain later. Two minutes, twice a day. They have the time. For fun, 2-minute videos to watch while brushing, go to 2min2x.org. ©2012 Healthy Mouths, Healthy Lives T:7" T:10"