Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
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22 UCW OCTOBER 7-13, 2015 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS Hurl, Interrupted Six years ago, I was dating this guy on the East Coast. He and I share a deep love of the arts. We started arguing on the sidewalk, and I got so upset that I vomited all over myself. He refused to drive me home or let me back into his apartment to change. Finally, he gave me a pair of pants, but he made me change in the stairwell. Shortly afterward, I moved out west. I told him I still loved him and couldn't get him out of my system, but his response was downright cruel. Eventually, I fell in love with my current boyfriend. Well, East Coast Guy now wants me back. I do miss our mutual passion for theater and art. (West Coast Guy isn't interested in attending artistic events.) However, I've had poor job-hunting luck and I'm fearful about my financial future, and West Coast Guy recently made me his heir. I'm tortured. Should I give East Coast Guy another chance? — Torn Your entertaining a re-up with a guy who treated you so cruelly is bizarre — unless you consider a psychological gotcha called "the Zeigarnik effect." Social psychologists Roy Baumeister and Brad Bushman explain that when a task or goal gets interrupted, the automatic, unconscious part of our brain keeps pinging the conscious part, nagging us to finish up whatever we've left incomplete. A way to shut off the Zeigarnik effect is to complete the incomplete thing — like by ending it for good with East Coast Guy or maybe picking up where you left off. But before you do the latter, consider another factor that's surely in effect here — the cognitive bias of "selective perception." This is our tendency to go all forgetsenheimer's about the stuff that's emotionally uncomfortable (ego battering, for example). Shoving it in some mental closet allows us to focus on more appealing beliefs, like "I can always count on him — to share my enthusiasm for gallery openings where everybody has complicated hair." Real love draws lines in how somebody treats you — how even when they're angry, they act lovingly (assuming you haven't, say, sauteed their parrot and served it up with a side of peas). As for whether you need a more arts-going man, that's something to figure out before you get all relationshippy with somebody who'd rather stay home watching YouTube videos of a raccoon riding a Roomba. But also consider that life involves trade-offs, like maybe going to arts events with a friend instead of demanding that your partner meet your every need like a giant human Costco: "Love me, leave me money, and live to attend haunting performance art, like a woman reading a Chinese takeout menu for nine hours straight and then clipping her toenails and lighting them on fire." Copyright AMY ALKON WEEKLY HOROSCOPES NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD One of the remaining 116 Guantanamo Bay prisoners (a man suspected of having been close to Osama bin Laden) has a dating profile on Match.com captioned "detained but ready to mingle," the man's lawyer Carlos Warner told Al Jazeera America in September. Muhammad Rahim al- Afghani has relentlessly proclaimed his innocence, and Warner released a series of charming letters from his client intended to humanize him. Al-Afghani commented on Lebron James, Caitlyn Jenner, the Ashley Madison website and, for some reason, South Dakota, but with the recent publicity, Match.com appears to have suspended the account. [Al Jazeera America, 9-11-2015] The Continuing Crisis "Let me get this straight," wrote an incredulous commenter in September. "(T) hose who oversee" the Matthaei Botanical Gardens in Ann Arbor, Michigan, have the park "populated with snakes that can bite and inflict serious wounds." The remark was in response to a visitor's having been bitten by one of at least 27 rattlesnakes loose (by design) on the grounds. (The Eastern Massasauga rattler is protected by state law.) On the other hand, the park has posted many snake warning signs, and the woman who was bitten had removed her shoes to walk in the lush grass. [Detroit News, 9-15-2015] Aluminum foil makes a comeback: (1) City officials in Tarpon Springs, Florida, scrambled in May to find an ordinance that artist Piotr Janowski might have violated when he covered two palm trees, and then three sides of his rented home, in heavy-duty aluminum foil, to the consternation of neighbors. Janowski is a graduate of the School of the Art Institute of Chicago, and his work has been shown in that city's Polish Museum of America. (2) National Forest Service officials announced success in fire retardation in August by protectively sealing a remote structure near an Idaho wildfire in multi-ply foil. (3) And then there is Arthur Brown, 78, also "successful" in having kept his house in Hermitage, Pennsylvania, free of "aliens" by sealing it in foil (although neighbors griped in September about falling property values). [Tampa Bay Times, 5-29-2015] [KREM-TV (Spokane), 8-27-2015] [WKBN-TV (Youngstown, Ohio), 9-10-2015] COPYRIGHT CHUCK SHEPPARD ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 Aries, it may be challenging to express your true feelings, especially when you fear what others may think. Just do what feels comfortable to you. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 Take a sentimental journey with a loved one, Taurus. You never know what examining your emotions will uncover, and you will get to spend quality time together. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 Gemini, you can strike up a conversation with just about anyone this week. Your gift for gab makes you a fun person to have around and a welcome member to any new group. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 Cancer, someone may catch you off guard this week and you don't have your go-to plan in place. Worry not, as you will rebound quickly and bounce back in a big way. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 Leo, it may seem like everyone is hanging on every word you say this week. Don't worry about performing, just continue to do what gravitates people toward you. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Virgo, although you're not a big fan of the spotlight, this week you will be asked to handle a situation on center stage. You just may enjoy the situation, so don't fret about it. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Libra, share your long-term goals with colleagues and you may find some unexpected allies. Support can only help your efforts even further. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 Scorpio, set personal feelings aside when dealing with professional matters. Allowing emotion to get in the way of your goals will only end up affecting you. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 Sagittarius, this is a great time to try something new. Whether it's a new food or a new experience you've been looking to try, dive right in and enjoy the excitement. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Capricorn, expect to be excited by a budding relationship in the weeks ahead. Open up to friends or family members so you can share this positive development with loved ones. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 Waiting patiently this week will not get the job done, Aquarius. You may have to be more assertive to get things done. Others will understand and prove helpful. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 Pisces, a problem at work seems tough to crack. Take your time and try a new approach, and you will be happy with the results. Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard