Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/565100
SEPTEMBER 2-8, 2015 UCW 19 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS You Luddite Up My Life My boyfriend will text if he's running late but says texting "isn't real communication." He says that if I need to talk, I should call him. I get that anything serious should be discussed via phone. However, we live separately, and sometimes I just want to reach out in a small way with a funny photo or a word or two and get a word or two back. When he doesn't respond or grudgingly responds a day later, I get more and more hurt and angry and want to break up with him. I know he cares about me. Am I being unreasonable? — Upset There are many who share your boyfriend's techno-snobbery, claiming that texting isn't "real communication." But say one person texts "i love u" and the other texts back, "k." That communicates plenty. It's one thing if you're sending him iTunes user agreement-length texts and expecting him to text back in kind. But this sort of texted "yoo-hoo!" you're sending him is one of the seemingly unimportant reach-outs that relationships researcher John Gottman calls "bids for connection." These "bids" are attempts — often made in small and mundane ways — to get your partner's attention, affection, humor or support. Gottman observes that these are effectively little "trust tests" leading to "a tiny turning point — an opportunity, or a lost opportunity, for connection." In a study by Gottman and cognitive psychologist Janice Driver, the newlyweds who remained married to their partners six years later were the responsive ones — those who had "turned toward" their partner's bids, on average, 86 percent of the time. Those who'd responded only 33 percent of the time were divorced by the six-year mark. Explain the "bid for connection" thing so your boyfriend can understand why it's so important that he come through for you — or, rather, 4 u. But also keep in mind, as I write in Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck, that "technology makes a nearly instant response possible; it doesn't mandate it." Let him know that you aren't looking to start some relationship reign of terror It's just that seeing him making an effort would mean a lot to you. It's also the sort of thing that keeps romance alive. In this case, it's those three little…uh, letters — LOL — after you text him a cat with a gunslinger mustache or a dachshund in a lobster suit. Copyright AMY ALKON WEEKLY HOROSCOPES NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD The distress across the Western world in July over the big-game killing of Cecil the lion in Zimbabwe was apparently misdirected, according to veteran "animal communicator" Karen Anderson of Elk, Washington, who told Facebook and Internet visitors (www.AnimalCommunicating.com) that Cecil and she had discussed his demise and that he was over it. Also, Cecil apparently speaks in formal, graceful English, as Anderson quoted him (according to London's The Independent): "Let not the actions of these few men defeat us," said Cecil, "or allow darkness to enter our hearts." "I am," he added, "grander than before as no one can take our purity, our truth or our soul." (Anderson's usual fee to speak with deceased pets is $75 for 15 minutes, but she did not disclose whether she had a client for Cecil's tab.) [The Independent, 7-31-2015] Chutzpah! In May, three Santa Ana, California, police officers, who had just raided the unlicensed Sky High Holistic medical marijuana dispensary, were caught on the facility's surveillance video eating supposedly seized cannabis-infused chocolate bars, and an "internal affairs" investigation was opened. However, in August, the Orange County Register reported that the cops went to court to have the video suppressed. Their familiar legal argument is that the video violates their right to privacy — in that they had purposely disabled the cameras before they began munching the contraband and thus had the requisite "expectation of privacy" that triggers the right. (Possibly, they had missed a camera.) [Orange County Register, 8-3-2015] The mother of three children in Grandview, Missouri, suspected that Dameion McBride, 22, had sexually molested her two daughters (ages 4 and 8) and son (age 3), but McBride indignantly denied it, claiming that he is a child-abuse survivor himself, and booked himself on the national Steve Wilkos TV show in May to take a lie detector test to clear his name. However, he failed the test as to each child and was subsequently arrested. (The Associated Press reported that McBride insisted on a police lie detector test — and failed that, too.) [WDAF-TV (Kansas City), 7-15-2015] COPYRIGHT CHUCK SHEPPARD ARIES Ð Mar 21/Apr 20 Conflicting instructions make it difficult to please others this week, Aries. Try your best to meet others' needs, and look to others for help if the need arises. TAURUS Ð Apr 21/May 21 Taurus, your stubbornness can sometimes be an asset, but don't let it get in the way this week. Approach a task with a new perspective and don't hesitate to solicit others' opinions. GEMINI Ð May 22/Jun 21 Gemini, even though you are reluctant to show your hand this week, others know what's on your mind. It's tough for you to remain aloof when you seem like an open book. CANCER Ð Jun 22/Jul 22 You are full of energy this week, Cancer, so put it to good use. Lend a hand to others who have a lot on their plates and tackle some lingering projects of your own as well. LEO Ð Jul 23/Aug 23 Leo, don't take anything for granted this week. A project might go off without a hitch, but you need to be prepared in case it does not. Remain aware. VIRGO Ð Aug 24/Sept 22 Virgo, you may be so engrossed in your own routine that you miss some of the subtle goings-on at work. If suddenly you feel out of the loop, make an effort to be more in the know. LIBRA Ð Sept 23/Oct 23 Libra, speak up about a situation that you feel needs to be addressed. Your voice won't be heard if you remain quiet, but your point of view offers some valuable insight. SCORPIO Ð Oct 24/Nov 22 Scorpio, rather than focusing on your own progress this week, see what you can learn from others without making everything a competition. This can be a special learning process. SAGITTARIUS Ð Nov 23/Dec 21 Sagittarius, you may be doing your best to demonstrate your good intentions, but others may not be satisfied with your efforts. Reexamine your approach. CAPRICORN Ð Dec 22/Jan 20 A big payoff awaits if you work hard and exercise patience this week, Capricorn. Although you may be pushing for immediate results, the outcome will take some time. AQUARIUS Ð Jan 21/Feb 18 Don't abandon your spontaneity this week, Aquarius. Hang out with others who appreciate flying by the seat of their pants. You will be in for a good time later in the week. PISCES Ð Feb 19/Mar 20 A sense of self-confidence does not mean that everything will immediately go your way, Pisces. You still need to work hard to have things play out right. Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard Take Into Your Own Hands We can help market your business right and put it at the fingertips of customers in two ways. In print and online! Look for it online now at www.upandcomingweekly.com. FREE Community Papers Because sometimes the world is... ...right where you live. "74.4% of Community Paper Readers Make Their Buying Decisions from Free Paper Advertising and Editorial Content." Paper Name Address Phone 208 Rowan St. 910.484.6200 FREE Community Papers Because sometimes the world is... ...right where you live. 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