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Thursday, January 12, 2012 – Daily News 5A FEATURES Retirement renders romance rare Dear Annie: I am trying to decide whether I should leave my marriage of almost 50 years. During the years when we both worked, my husband and I spent many hours at our jobs, and I pretty much raised our children myself. Now that we are retired and have the time to spend together, he has no interest in being with me. I am still fairly attractive at the age of 70. I would love to go on vacations and am also interested in a sex life. My husband, however, couldn't care less. He saw a doctor regarding his inability to have sex, but had no success and gave up. He keeps himself busy, but he has locked me out both physical- ly and emotionally. I would be happy kissing, hug- ging and cuddling, but he scoots so far away, I am surprised he does not fall off the bed. Even when watch- ing TV, he will put on programs he knows I don't care for, and if I object, he goes into another room. We seem to have nothing in com- mon anymore, except our grandchil- dren. He enjoys being with them. But I am lonely. I have a network of friends, many of whom are widows who say I would be crazy to leave him. I am afraid of making a mis- take at my age, but living like this is miserable. Am I too old to start over? — Lonely in New York Dear New York: No, but you have to be willing to be alone, Annie's Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar because that is a possibility. Your husband is probably afraid that cuddling, kissing and hugging will leave you with raised expectations. We are certain he is no happier about this situation than you are. Please ask him to go with you for counseling to see whether the two of you can find a way to work through this. A professional can help guide you. Dear Annie: I have a friend in Alabama who is being physically and mentally abused by her adult son. I've called domestic abuse hotlines for infor- mation, and I gave my friend a phone number to call in case she needed someone to talk to. She seemed happy that I was looking out for her, and that I had her in my thoughts and prayers. Unfortunate- ly, two weeks ago, I lost contact with her and don't know where to turn. I've sent emails, texts and let- ters and have made phone calls, but haven't heard anything back. To say I'm worried would be an understatement. Any advice would be helpful. — Concerned Friend in Warren, Ohio Dear Concerned: We shudder to think of the devastating scenarios that are possible. Please contact the Alabama Adult Protective Services hotline at 1-800-458-7214 and ask them to investigate the situation. We hope your friend is OK. Dear Annie: I really enjoyed your response to ''Worried Hubby,'' whose wife receives a lot of flirta- tious attention from ''Harry'' when they eat out. I have been in situations where men have approached me like this. My husband makes sure he is near- by and always strikes up a conversa- tion with the guy. Later, when we are alone, my husband compliments me and says he understands why I attract other men. He then tells me how lucky he is to be married to me. I also have had the situation reversed and have seen women be attracted to my husband. It serves as a reminder of all his great qualities and of why I married him. I remem- ber to compliment him, as well. I also make sure that I keep things special in our marriage by being an attentive ''girlfriend.'' What with technology keeping people in touch and both spouses on the go, it is so important in today's world that we make time for our marriage. — Iola, Wis. Dear Iola: Although it is impor- tant that neither spouse enjoys the attention of others too much, you are wise to understand how flirting with your partner can keep a mar- riage fresh. Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Feral cats pose threat to wildlife (MCT) — The neigh- bors' cat and I have an understanding. She doesn't hunt at my bird feeders when I can see her. But heaven only knows how many chickadees and cardi- nals she gets when I'm not home. The beautiful calico is tiny by adult feline stan- dards. Most of the time, she is adorable, unless, of course, she's looking at me with feathers sticking out both sides of her mouth. But I understand she's just doing what comes naturally to her species. She's a hunter who sees me as an impediment to following her instincts and doing her job. I haven't seen her recent- ly and I hope nothing hap- pened to her. She was a very social character and lived in a home where she was cared for and fed regularly. But feral cats in the U.S., those that live in abandoned buildings, empty boxes and in tree trunks, are estimated to be in the tens of millions. Even if trapped, they can't be adopted to loving homes because of their fear of humans and antisocial behavior. Rescue groups in the U.S. are already inun- dated with homeless, loving and beautiful domestic cats, striving to give them some comfort until they can be adopted by a loving person. The Humane Society of the United States claims that 4 million cats and dogs — one every eight seconds — are euthanized in what we ironically call "shelters" each year. Spay and neuter programs are a proven way to reduce pet overpopula- tion, an abominable prob- lem created in large part by humans. Many of them are feral cats that no one wants. Trap/neuter/release is a method of humanely trap- ping feral cats, having them altered and returning them to the colony where they live out their lives. It is esti- mated that the life span of a feral cat is generally less than two years due to the conditions under which they live. Many times the pro- gram involves a caretaker who provides food and ade- Sugarless gum can help prevent cavities DEAR DOC- TOR K: I always thought chewing gum was bad for my teeth. But then a friend told me it actually helps prevent cavities. Who's right? DEAR READ- ER: My mother would have said your friend is wrong. But actually your friend is partly right. The answer depends on the type of gum you're chewing. If your gum contains sugar, then you're not doing your teeth any favors. But sugar-free gum can be a good thing. Bacteria normally reside in dental plaque, the sticky deposit that forms on our teeth. These bacteria have quite the sweet tooth. They get the energy they need to live by consuming sugars in the foods you eat. The problem is that when they consume sugars, they produce acids that eat away at the very teeth they call home. The result: cavities. Luckily, our mouths produce saliva. Saliva does a good job of coun- teracting the acids that the bacteria produce as they dine on the sweet stuff. It literally washes away the acids. Chewing gum is a great way to get your mouth watering and your saliva levels up. So the act of chewing gum does tend to fight cavities. But if the gum contains sugar, it's going to undermine the cavity fighting. So gum that's good for the teeth is sug- arless. quate outdoor shelter. Recently, the Stray Cat Alliance, an organization formed in California that supports trap/neuter/release (TNR) programs, has taken exception to an effort by the American Bird Conservan- cy to eliminate funding for TNR programs. In October, the conser- vancy sent mayors of 50 large American cities a let- ter advising them of the threat "posed to birds and other wildlife in your city by feral and free-roaming cats." In the letter, the conser- vancy claims "that outdoor cats, even well-fed ones, kill hundreds of millions of wild birds and other animals each year in the U.S., including endangered species." The Stray Cat Alliance claims the letters are no more than "a cynical year- end ploy by major bird organizations to erode pub- lic support for spay/neuter programs." The American Society for the Prevention of Cruel- ty to Animals endorses TNR as the only proven humane and effective method to manage feral cat colonies. As more and more peo- ple lose their homes in a bad economy, the number of pets that are abandoned has escalated, according to Christi Metropole, founder and executive director at Stray Cat Alliance. Most sugarless gums are sweetened with one of the following non- sugar sweeteners: malti- tol, mannitol, sorbitol or xylitol. Xylitol is consid- ered to be the best for dental health. Chewing gum with non-sugar sweeteners definitely results in fewer cavities than chewing gum with sugar. In addition to stimulating saliva pro- Dr. K by Anthony L. Komaroff, M.D. duction, the non- sugar sweeteners may also directly suppress the bac- teria in dental plaque that cause cavities. This is particularly true for xylitol, which kills one group of bacteria that are the main cause of cavities. But if you go in search of a gum that's sweet- ened with xylitol, you'll come back empty-hand- ed. The brands we're all familiar with — such as Dentyne or Trident — are sweetened with the other non-sugar sweeten- ers. Even when the pack- age brags about xylitol, it's often third, even fourth, down on the list of sweeteners. It's likely that xylitol isn't used more because it is more expensive than the oth- ers. Be aware that non- sugar sweeteners some- times cause bloating, diarrhea or flatulence. How often that happens with the relatively small amounts in sugarless gum is hard to say. And, of course, it doesn't mat- ter how often it happens to people in general; if you're one of the people who get these symptoms, then just avoid the gum. Sugarless gum of any kind is better for your teeth than the sugary stuff. But we may not be getting the full benefit from the popular brands because of the type of sweetener that's used. So tell your friend he's partly right. Chew- ing sugar-free gum can actually be good for your teeth and can help pre- vent cavities. I believe that, and he believes that. My mother, on the other hand, would have had a hard time believing it. Dr. Komaroff is a physician and professor at Harvard Medical School. Go to his website to send questions and get additional information: www.AskDoctorK.com. 345 So. 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