Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/51236
2A Daily News –Wednesday, December 28, 2011 Community people&events Don't push kids to keep secrets By Jann Blackstone-Ford and Sharyl Jupe Q: I am married to a guy with two kids, ages 8 and 9. I want to know how to "talk" to them when their mom tells them not to say what is going on at home. I don't ask anything too personal — usually "How is school?" They aren't allowed to even tell us about events coming up — like school trips, pictures, or plays. How do I help to ease communication? A: Unfortunately, what you describe is nothing new — when you have parents who are polarized with two dis- tinct points of view, information becomes power. Plus, control over the flow of information from house to house becomes all important — and who is passing on the info? The kids — because they are the ones who lives in both homes. Mom gets mad that dad finds out something she did not necessarily want him to know, and it's the kids that get in trouble. Pretty soon, they are walking on egg shells thinking if they say anything from house to house, there will be repercussions. It's a very awkward position to put the kids in — and just plain wrong. The truth is, when the kids go back and forth between parents' homes, privacy goes right out the win- dow. It's simply part of the territory. Many believe you should say, "What happens in our house stays here," but that could make the kids feel as if they can't share things about their life at the other parent's home. That's half of their life they can't talk about. What if some- thing funny happens and they want to share it? What if there really is a problem, like abuse, and they have been prepped with a "Don't talk about what happens at our house over there." Now, the child has to weigh whose side they are on — Mom's or Dad's. Plus, if they are in trouble and need help, being afraid to talk about one parent to the other just fuels the child's anxiety. The key here is to not retreat, but initiate a more open stream of communication between homes. Put the children first! (Ex Etiquette rule No. 1) Make it a point to be as transparent as possible so mom comes to know the rules at your home and is able to make her own judgments about the information she hears. That way if the kids offer misinformation parents can correct them with a simple, "I think you misunderstood, honey." And, then offer the proper explanation. SECRET WITNESS 529-1268 A program of Tehama County Neighborhood Watch Program, Inc. Setting it straight –––––––– It is the policy of the Daily News to correct as quickly as possible all errors in fact that have been published in the newspaper. If you feel a factual error has been made in a news story, call the news department at 527-2153. You gotta be you Over the holiday I had surgery. I have a degenerative back issue that requires I have a series of surgeries to relieve pain and improve my quality of life. This surgery literally required a pound of flesh, which in and of itself, isn't such a bad thing to part with. The next surgery will be far less aesthetic, yet equally important. Part of the trouble with surgery is the after affects of anesthesia. I was under for five hours and that courses a lot of chemicals through your body. The third day of recov- ery was the worst and by Christmas day I was feeling some cabin fever and a little anxiety. By the time I wrote my column, I was more than ready to be done with this thing called recovering. Over the last days I began reflecting on times in life when we aren't ourselves, when circum- stances take us away from our nat- ural state of being. I recall being pregnant and how it seemed to take so long to reclaim my body for myself again. I think about friends who have withstood cancer treat- ments and lived with the daily affects of chemo and radiation. There is a push-pull effect that seems to happen inside when the real you is suppressed. The real you is willing to go with the flow and take one for the team in order to get back to normal but only for so long. These last days I have been struggling with a sense of depression and paranoia. I sense all things I should be doing and I start to panic. Could if be that my sense of self is tied to my accomplishments? There are only so many pay per view movies a gal can watch before she wants to DO SOMETHING! I gotta be me and you sient. I am willing to do transient. I am willing to take things slow and have things a little messier while I heal. Until the time comes that I have to learn life's bigger lesson of let- ting go of who I once was, you can bet I'm gonna be me and I really hope you continue to be you. Faydra Rector You Matter gotta be you. If you are in a set back of some sorts, you gotta find the you in the moment. The way that you can do what is uniquely you in the time you are not you. Get it? For me that is finding ways to do things I am not supposed to do in a way that is doctor approved. He said I can't carry a laundry basket, but he didn't say I couldn't slide the basket to the folding table with my foot. The being me makes me feel bet- ter about what is happening. It helps make the moment seem tran- Don't let a diagnosis, a depression, a weight gain, a financial loss, a lost loved one or any other event cause you to stop being you. No mat- ter the situation there is always a way to be you through it. Clinging to the elements that are uniquely you will help you weather the storm. Faydra Rector, MA is a mental health administrator, author, public speaker, educator and life coach who lives in Red Bluff. She can be reached at lifecoach@shasta.com or view her blogs at http://faydraandcompany.blogspot.co m/ and http://allaboutdivorce.blogspot.com/. 76 years of Savings Bonds Paper U.S. Savings Bonds are going elec- tronic after Dec. 31 – a move that will save tax- payers $120 million over five years. To commemorate the rich history of savings bonds from 1935 to pre- sent, the Treasury Department has launched an online timeline that captures major mile- stones through the years. "As we transition our D NEWSAILY HOW TO REACH US RED BLUFF TEHAMACOUNTY THE VOICE OF TEHAMA COUNTY SINCE 1885 VOLUME 127, NUMBER 32 On the Web: www.redbluffdailynews.com MAIN OFFICE: Monday-Friday, 9 a.m. - 5 p.m. Main Phone (530) 527-2151 Outside area 800-479-6397 545 Diamond Ave. Red Bluff, CA 96080 ______________________ Fax: (530) 527-5774 ______________________ Mail: Red Bluff Daily News P.O. Box 220 Red Bluff, CA 96080 CUSTOMER SERVICE: Subscription & delivery Monday-Friday, 8 a.m. - 5 p.m. (530) 527-2151, Ext. 1 subscription rates (All prices include all applicable taxes) Monday through Saturday $9.50 four weeks Rural Rate $10.59 four weeks Business & professional rate $2.19 four weeks, Monday-Friday By mail: In Tehama County $12.17 four weeks All others $16.09 four weeks (USPS 458-200) Published Monday through Saturday except Sunday, by California Newspaper Partnership. Home delivery NEWS News Tip Hotline: 527-2153 FAX: (530) 527-9251 E-mail: clerk@redbluffdailynews.com Daytime: Sports: Obituaries: Tours: (530) 527-2151 Ext. 109 Ext. 103 Ext. 112 After hours:(530) 527-2153 ______________________ ADVERTISING Monday-Friday, 9 a.m. - 5 p.m. Display: 527-2151 Ext. 122 Classified: 527-2151 Ext. 103 Online (530) 527-2151 Ext. 133 FAX: (530) 527-5774 E-mail: advertise@redbluffdailynews.com SPECIAL PAGES ON THE FOLLOWING DAYS Mondays: Kids Corner, Health Tuesdays: Wednesdays: Business Thursdays: Entertainment Fridays: Select TV, Education Saturdays: Farm, Religion Publisher & Advertising Director: Greg Stevens gstevens@redbluffdailynews.com Editor: Chip Thompson editor@redbluffdailynews.com Sports Editor: Rich Greene sports@redbluffdailynews.com Circulation Manager: Kathy Hogan khogan@redbluffdailynews.com Production Manager: Sandy Valdivia sandy@redbluffdailynews.com POSTMASTER SEND ADDRESS CHANGES TO: PO BOX 220, RED BLUFF CA 96080 newspaper of general circulation, County of Tehama, Superior Court Decree 9670, May 25, 1955 © 2011 Daily News Postage Paid Periodicals The Red Bluff Daily News is an adjudicated daily 90 years ago... Federal Authorities To Surrender Tinnen In 15 Days To Tehama Sheriff Tehama county probably will have the first claim on Albert Tinnen, the San Francisco crook who was convicted in the superior court here of assault with intent to commit murder of Mrs. J. B. Cockroft of Corning, and who escaped from the county jail in Red Bluff August 3, 1920. Tinnen was sentenced to 10 years in the penitentiary, and his appeal to the higher court was denied the very day he broke jail. — Dec. 28, 1921 savings bond program online – a move that will produce significant tax- payer savings – we want- ed to step back and remember how savings bonds came to symbolize the events, people and places that shaped our nation through good times and difficult peri- ods over the past 76 years," said Rosie Rios, treasurer of the United States. The interactive time- line features archived images of savings bond posters, special events and other memorabilia through the years, includ- ing photos or videos of movie stars such as Judy Education News? clerk@redbluffdailynews.com Garland and Mickey Rooney and popular tele- vision programs such as "Lassie," "The Bugs Bunny Show" and "Cheers." The interactive timeline is available at www.treasurydirect.gov/t imeline.htm. Ending the sales of paper savings bonds at financial institutions, originally announced in July, supports the Trea- sury Department's goal to increase the number of electronic transactions with citizens and busi- nesses. In December 2010, the Treasury Diabetes Support Group to meet The Diabetes Support Group meets the first Monday of every month at 6:30 p.m. in the Coyne Center (in the Columba Room). The Coyne Center is across the road from the main entrance of the Department ended the sale of paper savings bonds through traditional payroll plans. Both actions will save taxpay- ers $120 million over five years. Series EE and I elec- tronic savings bonds remain available for pur- chase on TreasuryDirect, a secure, web-based sys- tem operated by Public Debt – where investors have been purchasing savings bonds since 2002. Opening a Treasury- Direct account takes only a few minutes and is free. hospital with parking both in front and to the side. The first meeting is set for Jan. 2, 2012 and the speaker will be Gail Locke, MA, RD talking about Diabetes and Neu- ropathy. Coffee proceeds benefit nonprofits This month Dutch Bros. customers helped raise $93,000 to benefit regional nonprofits the annual Buck For Kids Day, during which all 173 locations give a portion of their pro- ceeds to the community. "Just in time for the K W I K K U T S Family Hair Salon $200 REGULAR HAIRCUT off with coupon Not good with other offers 1064 South Main St., Red Bluff • 529-3540 Reg. $13.95 Expires 12/31/11 Account holders can buy, manage, and redeem Series EE and I electron- ic savings bonds; convert Series EE and I paper savings bonds to elec- tronic through the Smar- tExchange feature; pur- chase electronic savings bonds as a gift; enroll in a payroll savings plan for purchasing electronic bonds and invest in other Treasury securities such as bills, notes, bonds, and TIPS (Treasury Inflation- Protected Securities). Although paper sav- ings bonds are no longer available at financial institutions, local banks and credit unions will continue redeeming paper savings bonds. For more information about how to purchase savings bonds and other Treasury securities, or how to replace lost, stolen or destroyed bonds, visit www.treasurydirect.gov. Series I paper savings bonds remain available for purchase using part or all of one's tax refund. For more information on this feature, visit www.irs.gov. COMMUNITY CLIPS holidays, we're thrilled to share this Buck For Kids donation with the communities in which we work and live," said Travis Boersma, co- founder. "Our fran- chisees and customers are very committed to supporting local organi- zations, and we're thankful for their eager- ness to give back." In addition to fundraisers, such as Buck For Kids Day, the company reinvests 1 percent of annual gross sales back into the com- munity, donating more than $1 million in 2010 to nonprofit organiza- tions. For a full list of Dutch Bros. locations, visit www.dutchbros.com. Tehama District Jr. Livestock Annual Meeting Wed., Jan 11th 6pm held in the Tehama Room @ Tehama District Fairgrounds