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Tuesday, December 27, 2011 – Daily News FEATURES Inveterate infatuation instigates ire Dear Annie: My husband, ''Frank,'' retired three years ago, after more than 40 years with the same company. He frequently mentioned a co- worker, "Dolly,'' saying how nice she was and what good friends they were. He won- dered how she was doing. Once, he even said he missed her, but the expression on my face must have made him rethink that. Annie's Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar Last week, I ran into one of Frank's former co- workers and asked about my husband's relationship with Dolly. The co-worker said they seemed to have a strong attraction, but assured me it was proba- bly just an office flirtation between two married col- leagues. Then he said, "They only went out to lunch together a few times.'' Annie, Frank never once told me he had lunch with Dolly. Should I mention this encounter to Frank and tell him what I suspect? The other day he was tex- ting when I walked into the room, and he immedi- ately stopped and put his phone down. He was visi- bly shaken. When I asked who he was texting, he claimed it was his brother. Now I'm thinking of checking his email, some- thing I never would have done before. During our 40-year marriage, I always trusted Frank, but now I am uncertain about his affec- tions. What should I do? — In Doubt Dear Doubt: This could be an ongoing flirtation and nothing more, but at this point, your marriage is in jeopardy regard- less. Please discuss this with Frank, openly and honest- ly. Tell him what you know. Explain that his behavior has eroded your trust. Ask him to go with you for counseling to talk about this with a neutral party. If he refuses, go without him and decide how best to handle this. Dear Annie: The holi- days are a difficult time of year for me, not because of loneliness, but rather the opposite. I suffer from social anxiety issues, as well as problems with eating around others. I frequent- ly find myself sitting in a corner trying to avoid people and food alike. I am often asked why I am not eating. I usually say ''I'm not hungry'' or ''I'm trying to watch my calo- ries,'' but sometimes that fails to satisfy the person asking. Even though I've told my extended family and close friends the truth, they still insist I should eat something. How can I politely communicate my feelings while still being a grateful guest? — Me Dear You: The fear of being judged by others or embarrassed in front of them is not an uncommon anxiety disorder and often manifests itself as an inability to eat in public. DEAR DOCTOR K: My hus- band recently passed away unex- pectedly. I feel like I am drowning in grief. Please help me. DEAR READER: I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Just getting through the day may seem very hard. My patients sometimes have sought my advice about how to deal with the sudden and unex- pected loss of a loved one. When they, like you, are still in the early, raw stages of grief, my advice is to let the nonessentials slide. Don't feel guilty about not attending to your usual respon- sibilities. Believe me, people will under- stand. Instead, focus on getting yourself through this difficult time. When you are grieving, you may Dr. K by Anthony L. Komaroff, M.D. You can practice taking some food and moving it around on your plate if you don't want questions. But if you are willing to examine your anxieties, you can work to overcome them. Some people have found success with behav- ior modification, hyp- notherapy, counseling and/or medication. Please talk to your doctor about this, and also contact the National Institute of Men- tal Health at 1-866-615- NIMH (1-866-615-6464). Dear Annie: I think you missed something in your response to ''Not a NASCAR Fan,'' whose husband drives like a maniac. She needs to call 911 from the car or home and report this wild driver. I certainly don't want to meet him on the road. — Omaha Driver Dear Omaha: Nor do we, but unfortunately, unless he is caught com- mitting a traffic violation, nothing will change. Call- ing the police from home and saying that your hus- band is probably some- where speeding and tail- gating won't do any good, and we don't think she should be in the car with him. Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.n et, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Reach out to others to cope with grief ders. There may be difficult financial issues to deal with. For most people, talking these prob- lems through with the appropri- ate professional is helpful. That can mean mental health profes- sionals, financial counselors and stress management programs. Family and friends can pro- vide a strong source of support. I've had patients who reached out to someone else who was not a close friend but who had experienced a similar loss. They were reluctant to "impose" on the person, but almost always, talking things through helped both people. neglect your health and well-being. But it's important to take good care of your- self. In fact, it's even more important than usual. Grief makes you more vul- nerable to illness. Keep taking your regular medicines. Keep up with regular physical exams and dental appointments. Get the sleep you need. Nap if you need to. Go to bed early if you can. If you're have trouble sleep- ing, talk with your doctor about tem- porarily taking medication to help you sleep. Try to exercise every day. A simple walk or a harder workout can relax your body. Exercise can distract you from your grief, or offer you time to meditate on your loss. If you need to cry, cry. If you feel angry, express it. If you need a break from grieving, allow yourself that. Stress can skyrocket when you're grieving the loss of a spouse. Suddenly, new responsibilities fall on your shoul- LONDON (AP) — Queen Elizabeth II empha- sized the importance of family in her Christmas message this year and her grandchildren brought some Christmas cheer to her husband, Prince Philip, as he recovered in a hospi- tal after a heart procedure. The 90-year-old prince was forced to miss the royal family's traditional Christmas festivities — opening presents together, going to a morning church service and viewing the Queen's Christmas broad- cast — after doctors put a coronary stent in. Philip had gone to the hospital on Friday complaining of chest pains, which doctors determined were caused by a blocked coronary artery. Buckingham Palace A grief support group can accomplish the same thing. It connects you to others who are suffering or have suffered the same fate and the same set of challenges. The others in the group will understand you when you express strong feelings. They've felt them, too. And they may have lots of good advice. We have a lot more information on coping with grief in our Special Health Report, "Coping With Grief and Loss: A Guide to Healing." You can find out more about it at my website. If time doesn't ease your grief, or if you suspect that you are struggling with depression, seek out a counselor or ther- apist. An antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication may also help. But the best treatment for a tragic, sudden loss is seeking out other human beings to listen, comfort and advise you. Dr. Komaroff is a physician and professor at Harvard Medical School. Go to his website to send questions and get additional information: www.AskDoctorK.com. Royal grandkids visit Prince Philip in hospital said it does not know yet when Philip will be released. ''The Duke is in good spirits and will remain in hospital under observation for a short period,'' the palace said. Prince William and his brother Prince Harry drove in separate cars to Pap- worth Hospital from San- dringham, Elizabeth's sprawling estate where the royal family gathered to celebrate Christmas. Prince Andrew's daugh- ters, Beatrice and Eugenie, also came to the hospital, along with Princess Anne's children, Zara and Peter. The 45-minute visit from the royal grandchil- dren came after Elizabeth's annual, pre-recorded Christmas message to the nation aired. The royal family reportedly watches the broadcast together every year. The theme of her broad- cast — family — was especially poignant with Philip in the hospital recovering. The message was recorded Dec. 9, before Philip, also known as the Duke of Edinburgh, went into the hospital. Wearing a festive red dress, the Queen said the importance of family was driven home by the mar- riages of two of her grand- children this year — William and Zara. William's royal wedding at Westminster Abbey captivated the world in April, and Zara had a quiet but elegant celebration in July. 5B