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Daily News – Wednesday, November 9, 2011 5A FEATURES Daughter dating derisive derelict Dear Annie: My 19- year-old daughter, ''Shaw- na,'' is dating an 18-year- old boy who is abusive of her. She lives with him and his family. She has an 18- month-old son, and my wife and I have custody, not only because she felt she was too young to raise him, but because she doesn't want him around her boyfriend or his family. Since Shawna has been Annie's Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar living there, she only talks to us when she needs something. We haven't seen her in almost a month. We recently found out that she is drinking, doing drugs and stealing. She talks about suicide a lot and cuts herself. She refuses to leave her boyfriend. He told her to choose between him and the baby, and she chose him. She has been seen with bruises on her, and the police have been called about their fighting sev- eral times. Last month, the boyfriend was arrested for theft and spent nine days in jail. While he was gone, Shawna was a totally different per- son. Then he threatened her, insist- ing she pay his bail by any means necessary, so she stole money from her grandmother. As soon as he was released, things went back to the way they were. I have a protection order on this boy because of the threats he has made against my family and me. But what can we do to get help for Shawna? There has to be some way we can get her away from that mess before he beats her to a pulp or she kills herself. — Worried Dad in Gary, Ind. Dear Dad: It is an unfortunate truth that once a child is a legal adult, there isn't much you can do to protect them from a situ- ation of their own choos- ing. We urge you to stay in touch with Shawna as much as possible and let her know you will be there for her when she needs you. Don't criti- cize her abusive boyfriend, but do tell her she deserves to be treated better and you hope someday she will realize that for herself. Give her the number of the National Domestic Violence Hotline (the hotline.org) at 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233). You also can contact them. Dear Annie: Now that my state has legalized gay marriage, I have some etiquette questions. How do I address an invitation to a same-sex couple? Can I write ''Mr. and Mr. John and James Doe''? Is it any dif- ferent if one of them is a doctor? Would I simply write ''Dr. and Mr. So and So'' and ignore their gen- der? — Curious in New York Dear Curious: For an informal invitation or letter, it is OK to leave out the ''Mr. and Mr.'' altogether and simply write, ''John and James Doe,'' on the assumption that one partner has taken the other's name. If they have different last names, or if it is a formal invitation, they are addressed as ''Mr. John Doe and Mr. James Smith.'' (That solves the ''Dr.'' problem, as well.) Dear Annie: ''New Bride in the Midwest'' is having trouble fielding nosy remarks from people about why she doesn't have any children yet. She has already suffered two miscarriages. She and her husband should attend a meeting of Resolve (resolve.org). This wonderful orga- nization is a breath of fresh air to anyone having problems with infer- tility. The people there can answer myriad questions on many topics. They help to take away the loneli- ness of infertility. And they also give helpful suggestions about what to say when people ask why you haven't had a baby yet. — New Yorker Dear New Yorker: We have rec- ommended Resolve in this column many times and appreciate the opportunity to do so again. Readers can find a support group in their area through the website or by writ- ing them at 1760 Old Meadow Rd., Suite 500, McLean, VA 22102. Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Flu clinic scheduled for November Tehama County Health Services Agency, Public Health Division has scheduled the fol- lowing community flu clinic in November: Red Bluff Communi- ty Center, 1500 S. Jack- son St., Red Bluff, 4-6 p.m. Tuesday, Nov. 15 The cost is $4 per individual or $8 per family. Medicare Part B will be accepted for the seasonal flu vaccine. Please bring your Medicare card with you to the clinic. To stop the spread of influenza and other ill- nesses, Dr. Wickenheis- er, county health officer, encourages all Tehama County residents to take the following steps: • Stay home when you are sick. • Cough or sneeze into your elbow or a tis- sue and properly dis- pose of used tissues. • Wash your hands thoroughly with soap and water or use an alco- hol-based hand sanitizer to get rid of most germs. • Avoid touching your eyes, nose or mouth. • Stay healthy by eat- ing a balanced diet, drinking plenty of water and getting adequate rest and exercise. For further informa- tion, call Tehama Coun- ty Health Services Agency, Public Health Division in Red Bluff at 527-6824, Corning at 824-4890 or toll-free at 1-800-655-6854. Boot drive a success for firefighters Red Bluff- The Tehama- Glenn Unit of the California Department of Forestry and Fire Protection and the Tehama County Fire Depart- ment would like to thank all the res- idents of Tehama County and any- one else who generously donated money to this past weekends Mus- cular Dystrophy Association boot drive. "This year's total sum of dona- tions accepted was $7,269," said Fire Apparatus Engineer and TGU Boot Drive Coordinator Andy Emerick. "That makes this year's event the most successful event that we have ever had." The fire service has a long histo- ry partnering with the MDA. The International Association of Fire- fighters began its fund raising efforts in 1954. Since that time, they have contributed $275 million dollars to the cause. CalFire started its official partic- ipation in 2008 and raised $140,000 it its 1st year. These donations support the efforts to eradicate 40 neuromuscular dis- eases, MDA summer camps for kids, professional and public health education, and support for families in the community. DFG seeks information for stream flows The Department of Fish and Game (DFG) is seeking proposals for methodologies to deter- mine necessary flows for anadromous fish in the Scott and Shasta watersheds. This week, DFG will release a Request for Proposal (RFP) asking for the identification of data needs and the development of method- ologies necessary to determine suitable stream flows to main- tain anadromous fish populations in these watersheds. The RFP is driven by concerns over ongoing declines in the popula- tions of salmonid species, especially coho salmon. DFG's pursuit of its natural resource stewardship mission includes ensuring that habitats are maintained at levels adequate for the long-term health of CARE TO COMMENT? At redbluffdailynews.com, scroll to the end of any story, click the link and type away. Counseling Center Giving Families Hope! Did you think we were just for children? • Individual & Family Counseling • Couple/Relationship Issues • Anger • Depression • Anxiety • Emotional Trauma • Family Relationships • Parenting Call our office for more info. 529-9454 Red Bluff 590 Antelope Blvd. Suite B-30 Corning Counseling Center 275 Solano Street #2 C & C PROPERTIES anadromous fish popu- lations and coho salmon recovery. Through this RFP process, a grant will fund a contractor to develop study plans for each watershed using a multidisciplinary, trans- parent and collaborative process. The study plans will be used as the road map for future habitat and stream flow assess- ments. Coordination with local landowners and other stakeholders will be critical in laying the groundwork for the future identification of stream flows that will improve conditions for anadromous salmonids. 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FOR 24/7 PROPERTY INFO CALL 1-888-902-7253 AND ENTER THE PROPERTY CODE FROM THE AD. 2 BD 2 BA 1344 SQ.FT. $32,995 Prop Code 24469 3 BD 2 BA 1680 SQ.FT $45,900 Prop Code 4369 2 BD 1 BA 942 SQ.FT $65,000 Prop Code 4379 2 BD 2 BA 1518 SQ.FT $66,000 Prop Code 4829 3 BD 1 BA 1008 SQ.FT. $69,900 Prop Code 4559 2 BD 2 BA 952 SQ.FT. $74,900 Prop Code 4059 3 BD 2 BA 1303 SQ.FT $79,900 Prop Code 4909 2 BD 2 BA 1680 SQ.FT. $83,500 Prop Code 4929 3 BD 2 BA 1783 SQ.FT $89,900 Prop Code 4589 3 BD 2 BA 1450 SQ.FT. $119,000 Prop Code 4109 2 BD 2 BA 1248 SQ.FT. $120,000 Prop Code 4949 3 BD 2 BA 1566 SQ.FT $144,900 Prop Code 4729 3 BD 2 BA 1152 SQ.FT. $165,000 Prop Code 4479 3BD 2 BA 2216 SQ.FT. $189,000 Prop Code 4229 3BD 2 BA 1224 SQ.FT. $199,000 Prop Code 4249 FORECLOSURES AND HOMES UNDER $200,000 www.redbluffcoldwellbanker.com See All Tehama County Listings at TEHAMA COUNTY REAL ESTATE TEAM • OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK Scrubbing face does not mean cleaner skin DEAR DOC- TOR K: I wash my face very little because I've heard that soaps, even mild ones, dry out the skin. What do you think? DEAR READ- ER: Most facial skin is quite stur- dy. It has many pores and heals quickly. Dr. K by Anthony L. Komaroff, M.D. But as you get older, you start to see the effects on your face of chronic exposure to the environ- ment. The skin thins and becomes less elastic. It develops more pores, fine lines and wrinkles, and more prominent freckles. Excessive cleansing of the skin with soap and water or solvents can lead to redness and dryness. However, this problem usually affects the hands, not the face. Washing your face, even if you do it fairly often, shouldn't cause a problem unless you have an underlying disorder, such as eczema. How often is too often? I don't think it's ever been carefully studied in a large number of people. Obviously, the time to wash your face is when it gets dirty, as in following a meal, or if you are work- ing outside in the dirt and sun and getting sweaty. But for someone who is indoors most of the time, in cool air, it's hard to imagine why washing the face more often than a few times a day would be nec- essary. It's a good idea, how- ever, to be careful about what you wash your face with. Washing with just water is usually not suffi- cient because dirt sticks to the skin. Besides, many people need some type of cleanser because they have oily skin. Using regular soap is fine in many cases. But soap is alkaline, so it can be irritating even to nor- mal skin, which tends to be slightly acidic. Synthetic soaps — often identified on the package as being "soap-free" — are a better choice for some. That's because their pH is closer to that of normal skin. The synthet- ic products are definitely worth a try if your skin is reacting badly to regular soap. Facial scrubs that clean and remove the outer layer of skin are OK, but I've seen many patients who use them so enthusiasti- cally that their skin gets irritated. The same is true of rough washcloths and loofahs. I had a patient who scrubbed the skin of her face so forcefully, and so often, that she got nearly as red as an apple. She told me she was doing it so that the old, tired skin cells would be stripped away and replaced by "young" skin cells. There's a measure of truth to that: Many effec- tive "skin rejuvenation" creams work on that principle. But don't get carried away. If you badly irritate the skin of your face, you've gone too far. Regardless of the type of soap you use, or how you use it, it's best to use warm, not hot, water. Hot water can leach protective oils out of your skin and is no better at removing dirt. Too much of a good thing can be bad. We have more informa- tion on caring for your skin in our Special Health Report, "Skin Care and Repair." You can find out more about it at my web- site. Dr. Komaroff is a physician and professor at Harvard Medical School. Go to his website to send questions and get additional information: www.AskDoctorK.com. Neighborhood watch Richfield Neighborhood Watch will meet at 6:30 p.m. on Nov. 14, at the Richfield Fire Station. A guest speaker is scheduled from the Tehama County District Attorney's Office to discuss the AB-109 prison realign- ment and how it will be affecting Tehama County. It is a critical time to help our local law enforcement. If you are interested in the program and reside within the Richfield district, we welcome your feedback and sup- port with our efforts to fight crime. Any questions, call Melissa Grootveld at 824-6260. to complete the study! (However every completed survey received while the Hurry! Less than 5 surveys needed survey is live will be eligible for the prize drawing! Win WinWin Win You could $100* Just for sharing your local shopping and media preferences! Take the Pulse Research survey online only at: www.pulseresearch.com/redbluffdailynews *$100 gift certificates will be awarded to four individuals selected at random from among those completing the survey. Those selected may choose any store or business in Tehama County at which to redeem their gift certificate. Individual survey responses will not be shared with any third party. D NEWSAILY RED BLUFF TEHAMACOUNTY