Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/26748
Dancing With the Loons by PITT DICKEY The Romans were right, bread and circuses are the way to divert the population from thinking about what is going on. Happily for all of you worry warts who might be concerned about gas prices, budget defi cits and the current middle eastern explosions, Hollywood is about to provide us with a respite from reality. That’s right, Dancing with the Stars begins its new season on March 21st. The new cast of dancers has been announced. Unfortunately there is no Tom Delay or Bristol Palin among the hopeful fl ock of Black Swans about to twinkle their toes across our televisions. The new cast has some marginally colorful individuals. Former boxer Sugar Ray Leonard, unemployed actress Kristie Alley and former Playboy Bunny Kendra Wilkinson are the best of a dull lot. As President Obama said, it is now time for us to win the future. This new line-up stinks. It’s not winning the future if no one watches. Bristol Palin dancing in a gorilla suit in last season’s Dancing with the Stars is what the American public wants. We love a bizarre spectacle. Who wouldn’t love a season of dancing celebrities whose curious judgment surpasses their tawdry terpsichorean moves? How can you tell the dancer from the dance? For guidance, consider Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s classic ditty, “The Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner.” An ancient mariner stops a dude on his way to a wedding. Dude is unimpressed and says “Hold off! Unhand me, grey-beard loon!” We need a ship of loons to dance for America. Wouldn’t you pay to watch the stars below dance their way into your heart? John Edwards, former Presidential candidate and baby daddy; Charlie Sheen, TV superstar and self healing substance abuser; Muammar Qaddafi , fearless beloved leader of the smaller half of Libya; Lindsay Lohan, once and future Hollywood jail bird; Sarah Palin half governor and full time twithead; and Michele Bachmann, congress lady and advocate of all things goofy. They’ll be prancing in the exciting new show, Dancing with the Loons. The combination of politics, Hollywood and chemical imbalances will provide hours of fun for the American viewing public. When gas is $5 a gallon, no one will be able to afford to leave home, and great TV entertainment will be a public service. How dandy would it be to see John Edwards put the moves on Lindsay Lohan? They’d be fascinating doing the limbo as they attempt to get under the long arms of the law. Perhaps they’d get adjoining cells or at least conjugal visits. Lindsay would love to have the opportunity to permanently borrow some of Mo Qaddafi ’s ultra-stylish dictator bling while Mo is busy trying to buy weapons from Sarah Palin. Sarah could stir up her masses of true believers by tweeting about gun sights, shooting an albatross with a cross bow and urging second amendment remedies to take out her dancing opponents. Charlie Sheen to Star in Dancing with the Loons. Charlie Sheen does not need a dance partner. As a solitary dancer, he would be an epic performer. Chuckles has pronounced himself a rock star from Mars, full of Tiger Blood brewed at his Sober Valley Lodge where he cured himself of substance abuse by closing his eyes and wishing himself clean and sober. CBS would have to lick his dancing feet to get him back on Two and Half Men. But Charlie doesn’t have to dance alone, he has his two Sex Goddesses to dance with him. As the emcee sings in Cabaret, “Twosees beat onesees, but nothing beats threes.” Charlie and his Goddesses will dance their way into America’s libido. Michele, ma belle, Bachmann. These are words that go together swell. She’ll be the crowning touch for Dancing with the Loons. Before each performance she’ll do her stand-up comedy routine of bizarre political thoughts and paranoid ideations. Listening to her describe black helicopters and Sharia law infesting South Carolina is more fun than a barrel of rabid monkeys. She reminds me of the Ancient Mariner, “Oh see her glittering eye.” She’s has got real style. Be sure to watch Dancing with the Loons. “Dancers, dancers everywhere/ and each one needs a shrink/ dancers, dancers, everywhere/and no one needs to think.” ASOM Welcomes Author and Hits the Greens by SHANTE’ D. ELLIOTT The Airborne and Special Operations Museum Foundation will host its Second Annual Golf Tournament on March 18, at 12 p.m., at the Stryker Golf Course, located on Fort Bragg. Paul Galloway, the Executive Director of ASOM, said that the museum “had a great turnout last year.” Jim Ryder, a representative for the museum, says that the museum hopes to reach their goal of 120 golfers, exceeding last year’s numbers. The tournament is to benefi t the museum with all proceeds going towards programs and direct support to ASOM. Ryder says “that the museum has a number of projects they are supporting including the Medal of Honor Wall, the Vietnam/POW exhibit and the NC Veterans exhibit.” To participate in the golf tournament registration is required. Individual and group registration costs are offered for the event. The price for individual registration is $65 and $225 for a four-person group team. Registration will be available the day of the golf tournament. However, there is no need to wait until the day of the event to register; teams and individuals can register one of two ways. Register by calling 910-678-2778 or by accessing the registration form online via the Airborne & Special Operations Museum website at www.asomf.org. To offer further help with this community event, businesses and individuals can become sponsors by calling 910-678-2778. The Airborne and Special Operations Museum Golf Tournament is a highly anticipated event. Ryder hopes that people in the community plan to attend “because it’s a lot of fun, a great way to relax and enjoy some time with friends and meet new friends.” He also says that the tournament “supports a wonderful cause — the Airborne & Special Operations Museum Foundation.” 8 UCW MARCH 9-15, 2011 ASOM Features Author for Book Signing On March 12, the ASOM will welcome Douglas Waller, author of Wild Bill Donovan: The Spymaster Who Created the OSS and Modern American Espionage. The author will talk and sign copies of his book at the ASOM, from 12:30 to 3 p.m. Donovan was one of America’s most exciting and secretive generals and was director of the Offi ce of Strategic Services (the country’s fi rst national intelligence agency) and the father of today’s CIA. He introduced the nation to the dark arts of covert warfare on a scale it had never seen before. The Airborne and Special Operations Museum.. Donovan’s life was packed with personal drama. He fought heroically in World War I, where he earned the nickname “Wild Bill” for his intense leadership and the Medal of Honor for his heroism. After the war, FDR tapped him to be his strategic intelligence chief. A charismatic leader, Donovan was revered by his secret agents. Yet at times he was reckless, risking his life unnecessarily in war zones and engaging in extramarital affairs that became fodder for his political enemies. Wild Bill Donovan reads like an action-packed spy thriller, with stories of daring young men and women sneaking behind enemy lines for sabotage, breaking into Washington embassies to steal secrets, plotting to topple Adolf Hitler, and suffering brutal torture or death when they were captured by the Gestapo. It is also a tale of political intrigue, of infi ghting at the highest levels of government, and of powerful men pitted against one another. SHANTE’ D. ELLIOTT, Intern. The book is available in the museum gift shop. COMMENTS? editor@upandcom- ingweekly.com WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM PITT DICKEY, Contributing Writer. COMMENTS? editor@upandcomingweekly.com