Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
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NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD Two hundred boredom “activists” WEEKLY HOROSCOPES BY HOLIDAY gathered in London in December at James Ward’s annual banal-apalooza conference, “Boring 2010,” to listen to ennui-stricken speakers glorify all things dreary, including a demonstration of milk- tasting (in wine glasses, describing flavor and smoothness), charts breaking down the characteristics of a man’s sneezes for three years, and a PowerPoint presentation on the color distribution and materials of a man’s necktie collection from one year to the next. Another speaker’s “My Relationship With Bus Routes” seemed well-received, also. Observed one attendee, to a Wall Street Journal reporter: “We’re all overstimulated. I think it’s important to stop all that for a while and see what several hours of being bored really feels like.” [Wall Street Journal, 12-29-2010] The Redneck Chronicles The Key Underwood Memorial Graveyard near Cherokee, Ala., is reserved as hallowed ground for burial of genuine coon dogs, which must be judged authentic before their carcasses can be accepted, according to a December report in The Birmingham News. The Tennessee Valley Coon Hunters Association must attest to the dog’s having had the ability “to tree a raccoon.” (In March, a funeral for one coon dog at Key Underwood drew 200 mourners.) [Birmingham News, 12-30- 2010] Safety Harbor, Fla., trailer-park neighbors Joe Capes and Ronald Richards fought in December, with sheriff’s deputies called and Capes arrested for assaulting Richards. The two were arguing over whether the late country singer Conway Twitty was gay. [BayNews9.com (St. Petersburg), 12-3-2010] Ironies A sculpture on display at Normandale Community College in Bloomington, Minn., was stolen in December. The piece, by artist John Ilg, consisted of wire mesh over a frame, with 316 rolled-up dollar bills stuffed in the mesh. The piece was titled, “Honesty.” (Attitudes have changed in the two years since the piece was first presented, at the Minnesota State Fair, when visitors liked it so much that they added rolled bills to the display.) [Star Tribune (Minneapolis), 12-16-2010] Elected officials caught violating the very laws they have sanctimoniously championed are so numerous as to be No Longer Weird, but the alleged behavior of Colorado state Sen. Suzanne Williams following her December car crash seems over-the-top. Though a strong seat belt and child-seat advocate, Williams was driving near Amarillo, Texas, with her two unbelted grandchildren when her SUV drifted over the center line and hit another vehicle head-on, killing that driver and ejecting Williams’ 3-year-old grandchild, who survived with injuries. A Texas Department of Public Safety report noted that Williams was seen scooping up the child, returning him to the SUV and belting him in. [Denver Post, 1-13-2010] COPYRIGHT 2010 CHUCK SHEPHERD WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ARIES (March 21-April 19) New relationships start this week. Though it is important to be dashing and exciting, do not come in with an energy level that you will not be able to sustain. Endurance will matter, so try to make a realis- tic impression. TAURUS (April 20-May 20) Perseverance is not your strongest suit, but you’ll cultivate more of this attribute as the week continues. Given your New Year’s resolutions, it will absolutely be necessary for you to be persistent in your efforts. Remind yourself often of that gleaming outcome your heart is set on. GEMINI (May 21-June 21) A new person on the scene has something to offer you, though you won’t know what it is until several weeks into the relationship. You’ll soon have an inti- mate and sincere relationship based on mutual generosity. CANCER (June 22-July 22) You have many people to tend to this week, and for the most part, you won’t have the luxury of time to dwell on any individual for too long. Avoid overly sensitive types who are likely to bog down your efforts to move gracefully through the social maze. You’ll earn a fi nancial bonus on Friday. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) This week, there will be a great deal that you don’t have to bother with because it’s someone else’s responsibility or because it’s nobody’s and should remain that way. There will be social fun on Wednesday and Saturday nights. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) It’s important that you start with the truth, though you don’t have to be a slave to it. You’ll be in a playful, mischievous and imaginative mood all week. . You have a knack for spinning the facts in a lighthearted way that engages others. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) Your powers of forethought are amazing all week long. You will be able to predict a full range of possible fu- tures for yourself and for those you love. When you get an inkling about what might occur, take precautions. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21) The acts of kindness you do today may be very small in deed. Yet these efforts will contribute in a meaningful way to your fellow humans and will promote goodness and happiness in ways you couldn’t have predicted. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)You are concerned with adding knowledge and skills to your arsenal, for reasons of both personal and professional advancement. You will probably be feeling too restless to endure the rigor of formal training, textbooks and lectures, though, and will learn best at the school of life, where you’ll receive all A’s. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) You will be more rebellious than usual, and though you still respect the authority of others, you will not respond too quickly to their requests. You’re a strategist in your own right and will benefi t from following your instincts AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) It is second nature for you to juggle activities. You fi nd clever ways to organize your life that will allow you to make headway on several goals while bringing peace and harmony to your personal relationships. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) Because you do not pay too much attention to a limitation, it will cease to exist. You will get lost in dreams of how you want the world to be, and this will strengthen your vision. At the end of the week, you will jump over an obstacle or it will be lifted from your path. By Holiday Mathis ADVICE GODDESS Speed Hating I met a guy online, and after two four-hour phone conversations, he declared he felt a “deep connection.” We had a romantic date, during which he made repeated declarations of his feelings. The next morning, he sent a somewhat angry text, observing that I’d logged in again on the dating site, and while I didn’t owe him anything, he found it odd. This led me to (stupidly and prematurely) proclaim him “the total package” for me and say I wouldn’t see anyone else. He stopped responding several days later. Weeks later, I got a strange phone call, and thought it was him. It wasn’t, but he asked me out. Our date was great, but he kept taking a half day to return texts. He claimed he’d just been busy at work, but I don’t think expecting a response before six hours pass is being overly needy. I heard nothing from him until two weeks later, when I mass e-mailed my new cell number. We had another date, and he asked for exclusivity, and even said he wouldn’t mind if I got pregnant. The next day, we sent friendly texts, but he again stopped responding. Now, I’m ending it for sure, but I’m reticent to date anyone else for fear this will happen again. — Bitten Amy Alkon I see so many red fl ags here, it’s hard to tell whether I’m being asked to give advice or send birthday greetings to Chairman Mao. There are two kinds of people who have four-hour phone conversations with near strangers, and they are airplane passengers who forgot to charge their iPad and people who are not merely looking for love but desperate to fi nd it. The latter waste no time in proclaiming their “deep connection.” Emotionally healthy adults might get caught up in a moment (or hours of them), but they’re generally mindful that you fi nd out who people are by observing them — in person, over time — and see whether what they say matches what they do. Your problem isn’t who you date but who you are: a girl who needs love way too much to be in a position to land any. If you aren’t driven by neediness, you understand that an appropriate post-fi rst- date text is “Hope to see you again soon!” — not “I’ve been monitoring your Internet activity and I couldn’t help but notice that you aren’t acting in a manner befi tting a loving and faithful wife.” Only when you work on yourself to the point where you’re okay being alone are you ready to look for somebody else. Go looking prematurely, and there surely will be another guy like this one — one who right away says stuff like “I can’t bear to have you away from my side,” and before you know it, is showing you that he’s a man of his word by chaining you to his water pipe. (c)2010, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. FEBRUARY 2-8, 2011 UCW 27