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2B Daily News – Tuesday, December 10, 2013 FEATURES Spouse's support a plus during illness cancer. I can't DEAR DOCprove it — and I TOR K: I read can't see how anyabout a study that one could prove it. said married canI think that very cer patients do sick people can better than those influence when who aren't marthey die. Which, ried. Why does in turn, depends marriage have on what they have such a positive Dr. K to live for. If they effect? by Anthony L. DEAR READ- Komaroff, M.D. want to throw in the towel, they ER: You're probably talking about a study can increase the likelithat was published earlier hood that they will die this year in the Journal of soon. And if they are Clinical Oncology. The determined to live as long study included about as possible, they can beat 735,000 people diagnosed the odds. My wife's great-aunt with 10 different types of cancer. Married men were was an independent, 23 percent less likely to socially active woman in die of cancer than those her 90s. When her huswho were single, wid- band died, she said that if owed or divorced. For she ever learned she had a married women, the fatal disease, she would advantage was 16 percent. seek no treatment except For five of the 10 types of pain relief. Instead, she cancer, the survival bene- would promptly "join my fits of marriage were hubby." When she learned she stronger than the benefits had advanced stomach of chemotherapy. she refused A spouse can provide cancer, surgery and chose hossuch support as: — Encouraging you to pice. She invited 15 living get cancer screening tests relatives to visit her. She kept the names on a list. that detect cancer early; — Helping care for you When we all had arrived, she checked our names off at times of poor health; — Helping to keep the list, told us she loved us and asked us to say a track of medicines; — Making sure you eat prayer. She then fell into a deep sleep. The next day right and stay active; — Following up with she was gone. My brother-in-law was your care providers; — Making sure you diagnosed with cancer and stick to the treatment plan; told he had a year to live. — Providing moral His daughter told him that support, love and affec- she and her fiance wanted to wait three years to get tion. Even if you are single, married, when they finyou can call on social sup- ished school. He told his wife and daughter, "I'll be ports when you are sick: — Reach out for help. there." He was there, thin Being sick is hard. Ask as a rail. He danced the friends and family for first dance with the bride, help when you need it, his smile lighting up the such as accompanying room. A few weeks later, you to doctors' appoint- he was gone. Like my wife's greatments. — Stay in touch with aunt, he had kept a vow to friends and family. Being his spouse, had deterconnected can have a big mined the time of his impact on your overall passing and was at peace. health. Dr. Komaroff is a — Ask your doctors for help. Social workers, physician and professor Harvard Medical home health aides and at School. To send other services may all be go to available and may be cov- questions, AskDoctorK.com, or ered by insurance. In my opinion, there's write: Ask Doctor K, 10 one more reason that mar- Shattuck St., Second ried people do better with Floor, Boston, MA 02115. Jealous of coworker's other relationships means she is not interested. Dear Annie: I've been Dear Annie: Seven years employed for two months ago, my closest cousin died. at a large retail outlet and His wife wanted me to have have gotten to know many his wardrobe, which includof the people who work ed a tuxedo. there. This cousin's daughter is ''Amanda'' is in the food going to be married soon, section, and I am in the and the wedding is black tie. clothing department. I'm a straight woman, and she is Annie's Would it be proper to wear that tux? I don't intend to bisexual. Two weeks ago, broadcast the fact that it the two of us went out to dinner for her birthday. by Kathy Mitchell belonged to her late father, Since then, I have devel- and Marcy Sugar but it seems wearing it would allow a part of him to oped strong feelings for her. I asked Amanda to dinner the watch his only child marry. What do other night, and she turned me you think? - Dressed-Up Cousin Dear Cousin: We think it's a down, saying she had plans. Yesterday, another co-worker told me she lovely idea. No one will know that saw Amanda having lunch with a you are wearing this particular tuxewoman who works in the automo- do, except perhaps your cousin's tive section. The co-worker said the widow. If she mentions it, please tell her what you told us — that you two of them were very touchy. This made me really jealous and thought it would allow a small part sad. Should I tell Amanda I have of him to be there in spirit. We hope feelings for her? If so, how do I do she will find it as touching as we do. Dear Annie: I hope it's not too that? — Confused and Maybe in late to comment on the letter from Love Dear Confused: There are dif- ''Can't Believe Adults Act This ferent types of jealousy. Amanda Way,'' whose daughter, a teacher, seems to be a popular girl. If you was being bullied by her co-workconsider yourself to be straight, you ers. This happened to me when I should examine whether your jeal- was younger. One day, one member of that ousy is romantic in nature or whether it's the type that female group gave me some advice. She friends develop when one of them said, ''Play dumb and pretend you picks a different ''best friend.'' If don't know they are talking about you want a romantic relationship, you. Always be pleasant, say 'hello' let Amanda know by asking her and 'good morning' to everyone, again to lunch, dinner, a movie or even when they do not respond. Join other entertainment outside of them in the lounge. Make a pleasant work. If she is repeatedly ''busy,'' it general comment, and then turn to Mailbox your magazine or whatever you have to do. Always have something to occupy your time. If you have to ask anyone a question about work, ask it in the lounge in the presence of everyone. If they make a nasty comment, just brush it off and pretend that you didn't realize it was nasty. When you really need a breather, occasionally go off on your own, but don't make it obvious.'' And I also made it a point to look fabulous every day. This may not appeal to everyone in such a position, but it worked for me. It was terribly hard for the first few months, and then it became a routine. Eventually, the ringleader asked me where I was when I didn't come into the lounge the day before. After that, I was completely accepted by the group. I have lived by that rule ever since and have passed it on to my children. One cannot fight with someone who will not fight. You keep your dignity and, above all, gain their respect. It works in school, at the workplace and even with your own family. — Yvonne from Montreal Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. Life's money rules, No. 6: Manage your credit I'll admit it. Rule six in my book, "7 Money Rules for Life: How to Take Control of Your Financial Future" is not my favorite of the seven rules. Honestly, I would much rather change "Manage Your Credit" to "Death to Credit, Live on Cash" and be done with it. But unless we can figure out how to turn back the clock a half century or so, that would be unwise -even foolish. That leaves us with two choices. One, we can ignore the matter of consumer credit and just hope for the best (not a very good option). Or two, we can take full responsibility for maintaining an excellent credit rating for the purpose of saving money and improving our financial intelligence and our effectiveness as money managers. We must opt for the latter because credit rating plays a very important role in financial health. Rule six in its entirety reads, "Manage your credit rating to achieve a high level of creditworthiness." Read this rule again, paying close attention to the words "credit rating" and "creditworthiness." This rule does not mean going into debt, creating debt or taking on huge sums of available credit. Credit on its face is not bad. In fact, having a good credit rating, which is measured by your credit scores, simply means that based on credit-card debt nearly ruined my your past behavior, companies life, that I wouldn't carry a credit and individuals that you deal card even if my life depended on it, with can expect the same and that I recommend you get out the scissors to perform a little plasfrom you in the future. tic surgery. If that's what As much finanyou're thinking, I'm about cial trouble as I to disappoint. managed to get The truth is that a credit into because I abused card -- the right credit card credit cards and ran up -- used smartly by someone insane amounts of toxic with a modicum of finandebt, I don't blame credcial intelligence can be a it. I take responsibility useful financial tool that for the foolish decisions I can also contribute to a made and the horrific high FICO score, thus ways that I abused conachieving that high level of sumer credit. That my credit worthiness you need. credit led to toxic debt Mary If you missed reading was of my own doing. the first five rules: Spend There is a trending Less Than You Earn, Save belief in some circles for the Future, Give Some that to have good credit Away, Anticipate Irregular you have to be in debt, or Expenses or Tell Your that a credit report is just Money Where to Go -- you a "debt report" because it can get caught up by measures your debt. That is not true. You do not have to be in checking the archives at Everydaydebt to be found highly creditwor- Cheapskate.com. And watch for the final rule, Rule 7, next week. thy. These days, a poor credit rating Mary Hunt is the founder of can be costly, and that's the reason a you need to assume the role as your www.DebtProofLiving.com, own personal credit manager. To do personal finance member website. can email her at this, you need to monitor your cred- You it report, credit score and credit card mary@everydaycheapskate.com, or write to Everyday Cheapskate, account on a regular basis. You may assume, given my P.O. Box 2099, Cypress, CA financial history and the way that 90630. Hunt Everyday Cheapskate Logue to introduce water bond legislation Wyatt to head Catholic social services SACRAMENTO – Assemblyman and Chief Republican Whip Dan Logue announced Monday that he will be introducing legislation which, if approved by the legislature, will place a $5.8 billion water bond along with Area of Origin protection for the North State on the November 2014 ballot. There is a broader water bond that will be on the same ballot for $11.14 billion, of which only 25 percent is allocated for water storage. "It is my intention to give the voters the opportunity to approve a water bond that will cost them just over half of what has already been proposed," said Logue. "The money from my water bond will specifically be used for the storage of ground and surface water and this water can then be used for a variety of reasons and it has the area of origin protection in the bond. We can use this bond money to pay for projects that will improve water quality, enhance our ability to protect ecosystems and reserve water for emergency situations. Water is our most precious resource; this will let us store it and use it for the ultimate benefit of Californians." If the bill does not move forward in the Assembly, Logue will look into bypassing Sacramento and explore putting it on the ballot with signatures. Logue is one of the few legislators to have written a ballot measure and have it qualify to be on the ballot. In 2010, Logue qualified Proposition 23 by acquiring 800,000 signatures. Logue's bill will begin to navigate through the Legislature when it reconvenes in 2014. "As this important legislation works its way through the legislature, I am always willing to consider additional components that may help California's water crisis," Logue said. "I hope that by reaching across the aisle, and working with interested parties, we will be able to put something on the ballot that benefits all Californians." Logue represents the 3rd Assembly District in the California Legislature, which includes the communities of Butte, Tehama, Glenn, Colusa, Sutter and Yuba. The Northern Valley Catholic Social Service (NVCSS) Board of Directors and Bishop Jaime Soto are pleased to announce the selection of Cathy Wyatt, L.C.S.W. to lead the Agency as executive director. Wyatt succeeds Don Chapman, who for more than 10 years provided his expertise and guidance through some challenging economic times. Wyatt has served the Agency for six years and has held key management positions including most recently as deputy director. Chairman of the Board, Dr. Dave Gasman, said that the appointment of Wyatt comes at an important time for the Agency. "I know that Cathy possesses the right blend of leadership, professionalism, and pragmatism to lead, but just as importantly a deep dedication to the Agency's mission and clients," Gasman said. "Cathy's career has seen her lead many programs and organizations facing changes or transformation. As NVCSS advances to better serve our communities, she will be a steady hand at the helm." For more than 25 years, service to the poor has been the mission at NVCSS. Today, it has operations in six counties including counseling, case management, housing, CASA and many other family strengthening support services. With God's guidance, the talent of a great staff and generous community support, the Agency is well positioned to advance Pope Francis' call to serve the poor and disenfranchised more broadly. Health group contracts for new Medi-Cal plans Northern Valley Indian Health (NVIH) announced agreements recently with two healthcare providers that will allow Californians on Medi-Cal to continue receiving high-quality medical care at NVIH's five Northern California clinics, including dental services in Red Bluff. The agreements with Anthem Blue Cross and California Health and Wellness will ensure that NVIH can remain the Primary Medical Care Provider for the thousands of California patients on Medi-Cal it serves each year. "With all of the changes in healthcare coverage in California, it is critical that patients have a reliable and responsive resource for their medical needs," said Inder Wadhwa, executive director of Northern Valley Indi- an Health. "Our highest priority at all of our clinics is that every patient receives the services that they need and these agreements will allow us to continue assisting our region's most vulnerable citizens." Enrollment for the new MediCal Managed Care Plan began Oct. 1. The managed care plan allows a patient to choose the primary care provider and if a patient does not make a choice, the managed care program will assign them one which may not be the provider they have been seeing for healthcare services. NVIH would like to inform its patients of this change and invite them to continue to choose NVIH as their primary care provider. NVIH has Patient Benefit Coordinators at each clinic site who are prepared to help answer questions regarding this change and provide whatever assistance is possible. NVIH clinics can be reached at Red Bluff: (530) 529-2567dental only; Chico: (530) 8969400; Willows: (530) 934-4641; Woodland: (530) 661-4400; Chico Children's Health Center: (530) 332-6000. NVIH is a private, nonprofit tribal corporation that was founded in 1971 by a group of Northern California Native American Tribes seeking to reestablish health services for Native Americans in California. For more information go to www.NVIH.org.