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Friday, December 17, 2010 – Daily News – 5A FEATURES Relatives reject repeated regards Winter toenail fungus Dear Annie: How do you deal with people who simply delete their family from their lives? There was no argument or complicat- ed situation. All of a sud- den, they are not returning phone calls or e-mails. My sister has done this for the second time, and now my husband’s nephew has cut everyone off. ‘‘Den- nis’’ hasn’t spoken to the family for 18 months. I haven’t spoken to my sister for a year. We’ve made many attempts to get in touch, but my sis- ter won’t respond, and our nephew specifically told us to stay away from his home and work. In both cases, I suspect the catalyst was their own marital problems. In the past year, there have been some serious health problems with Dennis’ family. When his mother and grandmother were both in the hospital, he was called to see if he could help out with Grandpa, who was home alone and very feeble. He refused. stand how a person could go about their lives with no thought for those who love and miss them. Is it selfish- ness? Any advice? — Delet- ed in Ohio Annie’s Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar Dear Ohio: There are myriad reasons for such behavior. Your nephew’s wife may have demanded no contact. Your sister’s child- hood experiences may trou- ble her in ways you don’t understand. They may find family obligations too Dennis and his family are missed so much. My sister lives in her self- imposed isolation. She has not come home or visited her mother in four years. I have given up trying to reach her. It hurts too much waiting to see if she will respond and deal- ing with the rejection when she does not. What are their children told when grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins are suddenly gone from their lives? I find it hard to under- stressful. They may suffer from mental illness. We agree that cutting off loved ones without explanation is not the best option, but you can- not make them respond differently. Send a holiday card without any expectations, and perhaps one day they will find their way back home. Dear Annie: When the dental hygienist cleans my teeth, she asks about my flossing and brushing habits. I do both regularly, but she still chastises and lectures me about the importance of my daily habits. Then she tries to get me to buy the electric toothbrush the office sells. My brother, who uses the same den- tist, was told they’d stop treating his family if he didn’t buy the tooth- brush. Between the high-pressure sales pitch and the lecture, I dread my next checkup. His office is conve- nient and offers late hours, so I’d rather not change dentists. How do I stop this without getting a ‘‘white knuckle’’ cleaning in retaliation? — M. Dear M.: This is appalling. You should inform your dentist of your objections to this aggressive hard- sell and make it clear that you will find another dentist if you aren’t treated with more respect. If things don’t improve, we hope you will find a more ethical practitioner, regardless of the convenience. (Your brother may also want to con- tact your state or local dental asso- ciation to file a complaint.) Dear Annie: I could have writ- ten the letter from ‘‘The Thrill is Gone’’ word for word. He said his wife of 35 years is wonderful but refuses all attempts at intimacy. My wife got everything she wanted in life from me — children, financial security and a solid mar- riage. When I finally reached my limit on a sexless marriage, she had the temerity to demand counseling. I divorced her, and for the past 20 years, she has been living with her lesbian lover with whom she had an ongoing affair for the last five years of our 21-year marriage. Tell ‘‘Thrill’’ to look a little deeper. — Older but Wiser Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Season of sharing with those in need Demand is up; supply is down. Not talking about the markets here, or the hottest Christmas toy. This is the problem afflicting the nation's charities. The recession continues to take its toll, with more people in need. They include individu- als and families who had always been able to take care of themselves, but are now unemployed for two years or more. That same recession has taken a toll on charita- ble giving. Last year, 51 percent of charities report- ed a decline in giving -- which forced them to cut budgets and staff. Now, the Nonprofit Research Collaborative's latest sur- vey finds that giving is edging up -- but still nowhere near what it was a few years ago, and nowhere near keeping up with rising demand for services. That's where you and I come in. As you do your holiday shopping, consid- er what an extra toy or winter jacket could mean to a local family in need. If you don't have a specific charity in mind, just con- tact the Chicago Sun- Times to receive a letter from a child in need or donate money that would be used for gifts. You've seen those heartbreaking stories, but many never have the time or energy to make it happen. Imagine the difference if each of our readers picked a child to help, or sent a small check. To request a child's let- ter, go to suntimes.com/santa and fill out a request, or you may e-mail elves@sun- times.com or call (773) 890-7373. To donate money, go to suntimes.com/santa or send a check or money order made out to Chicago Sun-Times Charity Trust to: Sun-Times Season of Sharing, P.O. Box 3596, Chicago, IL 60654. Now, because this is a personal finance column, let me remind you of the rules for making charitable contributions tax- deductible. • Always get a receipt from the charity. Keep these paper receipts in a file for use next April when you file and to sub- stantiate your deductions in case of a future IRS audit. And you should copy your canceled checks, or keep bank or credit card records, or pay- roll receipts, as well. • Some appraisals needed. If the cloth- ing or household goods you donate is worth more than $500, the charity must note the "fair value" on the receipt. If the con- tribution is valued at more than $5,000, a quali- fied appraisal of the prop- erty is required. Special rules apply to donated vehicles. • Timing is everything. If you make a contribution by check, it is considered delivered on the date mailed and must be deducted in the year of mailing. Credit card charges are deductible in the year the charge is made. Pledges are not deductible until payment is made. • File for a deduction. If you want to deduct your contribution, you must file form 1040 and itemize deductions on Schedule A. • Reporting required for gifts over $500. If you made a gift, or gifts, of non-cash property worth more than $500, you must file IRS Form 8283. • Thanks, but your ser- vices aren't deductible. If you donate services, only your out-of-pocket expenses are deductible. • Get valuation for fundraising events. If you bought a ticket to a fundraiser (not political), the organization will give you written confirmation of the value of your contri- bution. Likely only 80 per- cent of the ticket payment is deductible. This is not only the season of giving, it's the season of scam- ming. Sad but true. So check out any organi- zation claiming to be a charity. You can easily do that at Chari- tyNavigator.org, which tracks and rates the performance 50l(c) charities, based on the forms they must file with the government. This allows you to make sure your money is going to a worthy cause that will spend your dona- tion on good works, and not on administrative expenses. Here's a last thought on the subject of charity: It's not all about the tax deduction. There are many people around you who need help -- but they're not registered charities, so you can't get a deduction for writing a check to your elderly aunt to pay her heating bill for the winter or to your adult child to help pay down student loans. You don't get a deduction for drop- ping coins in the Salvation Army bucket or giving the taxi driver an extra tip this holiday season. You don't have to be "rich" to be charitable. As novelist Jack London once wrote: "A bone to the dog Dr. Andrew PomazalD.O. Physician & Surgeon General Medicine Saturday Appointments Available • High Blood Pressure • Diabetes • Joint & Muscle Pain • Lung Problems We offer Osteopathic Manipulation 530 528-2066 2050 Main St, Red Bluff Accepting New Patients is not charity. Charity is the bone shared with the dog, when you are just as hungry as the dog." Terry Savage The Savage Truth on Money So use these coming weeks to re-think your definition of "charity" -- and to open your eyes to the need around you. If there's anything we've learned, it's that govern- ment does not do a good job of "sharing" our money. This is something we can do for our- selves -- with far less "administra- tive costs" and a far greater sense of personal satisfaction. That's the Savage Truth. Terry Savage is a registered investment adviser and is on the board of the Chicago Mercantile Exchange.She can be reached at www.terrysavage.com. She is the author of the new book, "The New Savage Number: How Much Money Do You Really Need to Retire?" DEAR DR. GOTT: I often have a problem with toenail fun- gus in the sum- mertime, but it’s understandable because I spend a lot of time at our town pool and in the locker room afterward so I can change out of my bathing suit. This I have learned to accept. I live in the Dr. Peter Gott upper northwest section of the country, and I have the start of another fungal infection. This is the first time this has happened during the winter, and I am totally confused as to why. Our pool is closed until warm weather returns, and I’m in my home, which I thought was safe from the problem. I was wrong. Can you shed some light on this annoying problem? DEAR READER: You’re not the first per- son with this complaint. We tend to forget that damp, cold weather can also trigger just such an infection. I’m sure you have already pulled your winter boots out of the closet and have worn them when grocery shopping, taking your children to functions, or when walking and hik- ing to keep in shape. It’s cold. We don’t stop to think that our feet are cozy and warm — some- times sweating — when we have the heat on in the car during travel or when simply walking around the block. The warmth and moisture combine to set the stage for such a problem to occur. You might consider trimming your nail and applying a petrolatum menthol salve to the top and underside twice daily. The process may take a month or more, but a healthy nail should ultimately grow out, replacing the yellow dis- coloration you are likely experiencing. Some people achieve success by either dab- bing a cotton ball with white vinegar or simply pouring the liquid over the affected area twice daily. Again, patience is necessary for results. If you would like to investigate another avenue, there are a num- ber of over-the-counter remedies, including Miranel, found at Wal- greens pharmacies. I personally know people who have used this over- the-counter antifungal successfully for the spe- cific problem you are experiencing. It contains miconazole ointment, tea tree oil and a host of other effective ingredi- ents. Miranel can also be used to treat ringworm, athlete’s foot and the irritation that can appear between the toes. Consider one of my recom- mendations and be sure to follow up with treatment in the future at the first sign of infection. To give you related information on methods for treating toenail fun- gus and other home reme- dies, I am sending you a copy of my Health Report “Compelling Home Remedies.” Other readers who would like a copy should send a self- addressed, stamped No. 10 envelope and a $2 US check or money order made payable to Newslet- ter and forwarded to PO Box 167, Wickliffe, OH 44092-0167. Be sure to mention the title or print out an order form from my website www.AskDr- GottMD.com. DEAR DR. GOTT: I don’t know how to search your web page for home remedies for ath- lete’s foot. Actually, I can’t figure out how to search for anything. DEAR READER: Let’s see if we can take the process step by step with good results. In the address bar at the top of your browser, type in AskDrGottMD.com. This will bring you to the home page of my website. In the top right hand top corner, you should see a box and the word “search” next to it. Click in the box and type in the topic you wish information on. Then click the search button. You will be directed to the appropri- ate page. I just did, only to find I don’t have information up regard- ing athlete’s foot; how- ever, I was able to type in countless other sub- jects successfully. Thank you for bringing this to my attention. Stay tuned. Athlete’s foot will be discussed soon. Dr. Peter H. Gott is a retired physician and the author of several books, including “Live Longer, Live Better,” “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Diet” and “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Cookbook,” which are available at most bookstores or online. His website is www.AskDrGottMD.com.