Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/197058
by PITT DICKEY If you had a quarter of a million dollars of someone else's money would you spend it renovating bathrooms in the North Carolina Governor's Mansion? The people of North Carolina almost got to spend $230,000 fixing up the throne rooms in the private quarters of the Governor's Mansion. Unfortunately the news media ferreted out this colorful infrastructure. With its hand caught in the toilet bowl, the Government backed off these plans. Who knew our State was so flush Your herd of Sea Monkeys were "always clowning around, these frolicsome pets swim, and play games with each other. Because they are so full of tricks, you'll never tire of watching them." This ad came out before many people had TV. Sitting at home watching your Sea Monkeys dancing and prancing with each other was an exciting evening for the entire family. I ordered my own herd of Sea Monkeys. Surprise and disappointment reigned when they turned out not to be large, friendly, pink humanoid critters wearing crowns. They were tiny and crownless. I missed the fine print at the bottom of the ad stating "Caricatures shown not intended to depict Artemia safina" which are brine shrimp. At 10-yearsold, who knows what a caricature is, much less an Artemia safina? Another item I ordered was 100 toy soldiers packed in their own footlocker for only $1.75. The ad showed an exciting battle scene with tanks, battleships, sailors, riflemen, jets, Waves and Wacs. It looked really great. But when it arrived, the soldiers were tiny flat little plastic figures and the foot locker was only 6 inches long. I had expected a full-size foot locker like my father brought back from World War II. Not so much. The most intriguing ad was for X-Ray Specs from Honor House Products. With a name like Honor House, the ad had to be true. It showed a drawing of a guy wearing X-Ray specs leering at a woman and apparently seeing right through her clothing to the outline of her body. Woo Hoo! The ad promised "An Hilarious Optical Illusion." The copy read, "Imagine — you put on the X-Ray specs and hold your hand in front of you. You seem to be able to look right through the flesh and see the bones underneath. Look at your friend. Is that really his body you 'see' under his clothes? Loads of laughs and fun at parties." If you were a 12-year-old boy, wouldn't you want your own set of X-Ray specs to look at the bones in your hand or maybe Susie Smith in 6th grade? I never got up the nerve to order X-Ray Specs, so I will never know if they actually worked. Some mysteries of life have to remain shrouded in the mists of what might have been. I really could have used the Invisible Space Helmet. with cash to afford such luxurious bathrooms? Resisting a series of obvious puns, this news item got me thinking about another type of bowl. A bowl full of Sea Monkeys. Once upon a time we bought comic books. I had an entire book case of comics that my sainted Mother threw away while I was in college. The trauma of my comics in the landfill still lingers. Most of them cost a dime. They would be worth a bit more now. The coolest thing about the comics in the '50s and early '60s were the ads on the inside back cover. Return with us now to those thrilling days of yesteryear when, like at Alice's Restaurant, you could get anything you wanted from the back of comics. It was a child's garden of junk. The world's smallest dog for free. A spy pen to see through walls. Ant farms. Charles Atlas making a man out of you in 15 minutes a day. A hypno coin to hypnotize your friends. A deed to a one square inch Texas mini ranch. Two hundred and fifty magic tricks for a dollar. A real monkey for $18.95. It was all there. My favorite ad was for the Amazing Live Sea Monkeys. The ad showed Mom and Pop Sea Monkey along with the kids happily sitting in front of their castle under the sea. They were pink and very cheery. Mom Sea Monkey sported a lovely red bow in her antenna. For only $1.25 you could "own a bowl full of happiness — Instant Pets!" What could be better? All you had to do was just add water PITT DICKEY, Attorney, Contributto your packet of Sea Monkey eggs ing Writer. COMMENTS? Editor@ and in one second your AMAZING upandcomingweekly.com. Sea-Monkeys actually came to life! WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM B sored y Family on Fo Sp A Bowl Full of Fun od ,I s Nov 2, 201 3 nc. com festival. flybbq henpigs Festival Park www.w pm 11am-6 yetteville, NC Fa A+ Moving & Storage, ABC11, BB&T, Reed Lallier Chevrolet, Rick Hendrick Toyota/Scion, Olde Fayetteville Insurance, WKML/BOB FM, Beaver Holt Sternlicht & Courie, VIF International Education, H&H Homes, Fatbacks BBQ & Rib Shack, Healy Wholesale, Morty Pride Meats, Nationwide Insurance, First Citizens Bank, Up&Coming Weekly, ShortStop, Junior League of Fayetteville, Hogan-Kimrey, LLP All proceeds benefit Communties In Schools of Cumberland County. www.cisofcumberland.org • 910.221.8800 OCTOBER 23-29, 2013 UCW 7