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4B – Daily News – Tuesday, July 20, 2010 FEATURES Baby drama: paternity tests and prison Dear Annie: I have been married to ‘‘Sam’’ for two years. Before we were together, Sam was in a relationship with ‘‘Sara,’’ who became pregnant. She claimed the baby was his, and he believed her. He took care of this child and loved him. But Sara started see- ing her ex-boyfriend when he was released from prison. That made Sam question whether the child was his. father. Annie’s Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar After we married, Sam demanded a paternity test. Sara said she needed to ask her boyfriend because he was raising this child. The boyfriend refused. Sara waffled back and forth, saying both men were the father of her baby. Recently, the child was removed from her home because of abuse accusations. Even though this boy now looks a great deal like Sam, the authorities will not turn him over to us because Sara claims her boyfriend is the If this child is Sam’s, he wants to take responsibility. He asked again for a paternity test, and Sara refused. Now she claims the child is not his and the only reason she orig- inally said so was for support money. But, Annie, the time frame doesn’t match up. As far as we can determine, her boyfriend was in prison when she became pregnant. I think she refuses a paternity test because she does- n’t want Sam to get custody. Is there any- thing else my husband can do other than get- ting a court-ordered paternity test? — Baby Mama Drama Dear Drama: Does Sam want custody of this child? If so, he needs to pursue it before the child’s attachments become stronger. That means a court-ordered pater- nity test, because obviously, Sara is never going to acquiesce on her own. It will also clear up the question of whose child it is and settle the matter once and for all. Dear Annie: My wife and I enjoy a great marriage, but from time to time, her sister invites us over for parties. Her house is filthy and absolutely disgusting. We don’t know how to handle the situa- tion. I have an 8-year-old son and don’t real- ly want him spending time in that nauseating house. My wife can put up with it in order to be with her sister, but I don’t want to go there. Should we be honest about why, or do we continue to make excuses for my absence? — Indiana Dad Dear Indiana: We’re surprised the other party guests continue to show up if the house is such a pigsty. Are we talking dirty dishes in the sink (minor) or rotting food in the liv- ing room and rats scurrying about (call the health department)? If their home is a health hazard to small children who live there, your wife should speak to her sister and explain the need to be more conscientious. Other- wise, this falls under the MYOB category. If you can’t tolerate the mess, don’t go. But let your wife be your guide when it comes to how best to handle her sister. Dear Annie: I read the letter from ‘‘Not Over the Hill,’’ whose grandson’s teenage friends run around naked all day. Her hus- band thinks it’s fine and says it was common when he was a boy. Granddad and I are from the same era. When we were kids, group nudity wasn’t unusual — but only when there was a reason for it. However, today most teenage boys are more modest and quick to accuse others of being gay. They also read a sexual context into any nudity that involves more than one person. Grandpa should try a nonjudgmental approach and ask his grandson why the boys do this. It would be a good opportunity to open some dialogue and offer support if there are any issues. I do not suspect any- thing objectionable is happening, but there may be a hidden element that more conserv- ative parents would find not to their liking. — Member of IECA Pittsburgh Dear Pittsburgh: You’ve made a good point, and we hope Granddad will follow your suggestion. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Are herbals appropriate for constipation? DEAR DR. GOTT: Is it safe to use cas- cara sagrada as a lax- ative? I’ve tried everything else, such as heaping table- spoons of Metamucil and using two stool softeners twice each day with little suc- cess. DEAR READER: Cascara sagrada is a shrub native to the western coast of North America. The dried bark of this plant was used by Native Americans for years but was not widely adopted until the 19th centu- ry as a stimulant laxative. The main ingredients are anthraquinones, organic com- pounds whose structures serve as the basic building blocks for a number of natu- rally occurring plant pig- ments. The compound is used in the production of dyes, as a catalyst for the production Dr. Peter Gott of wood pulp and has a number of other pur- poses. The product is available in capsule form, liquid extract and as a dried bark that can be made into a bit- ter tea. Fresh bark should not be used because it can cause diarrhea and vomiting. Traditionally, the bark is either dried for at least one year or put through a special heat treatment. A common dose is from 20 to 70 milligrams daily. It should not be used for longer than seven or eight days in a row without physician approval. The herb is commonly taken in the early evening, since it takes from six to 12 hours to work. 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It should not be used by women who are pregnant or plan to become pregnant, those with allergies or stom- ach pain, or in conjunction with prescription or nonpre- scription medications, herbals or dietary supple- ments. I have no experience with this remedy for consti- pation and recommend that you speak with your primary- care physician before using it. Side effects include severe allergic reactions, such as hives and itching, rectal bleeding, difficulty breath- ing, abdominal cramping, potassium loss and a few other unwanted symptoms. It can also turn urine pink, red, violet, yellow, brown or black. Your physician should be consulted to determine whether your constipation is caused by a specific medical condition that should be addressed. While waiting for an appointment, modify your diet to include between 20 and 35 grams of fiber daily. Fiber can be found in whole- grain breads, fortified cere- als, fresh fruits and vegeta- bles. Limit your consumption of processed foods, meats and cheeses. Increase your fluid intake, and coordinate a regimen of regular exercise. Laxatives should be avoided if at all possible because they tend to be habit forming. Try a stool softener, saline laxa- tive or a fiber supplement such as the Metamucil you are on. If this fails to work, acupuncture or massage to the abdominal area might be helpful. If all these sugges- tions fail, ask your physician American Embroidery Mart 446 Antelope Blvd. #34 (530) 527-4446 Custom and corporate logos for embroidery. “If I can hoop it, I can embroider it.” No job is too large or too small. No minimum order required. Tuesday - Friday 10:00 am - 5:00 pm e-mail: info@americanembroiderymart.com Always a Realtor on call! 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