Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/11583
Saturday, June 5, 2010 – Daily News – 5A FEATURES Son expects too much of his own son Dear Annie: My son and his wife live across the country. I see them once or twice a year. They have two children. My 13-year-old grandson can do nothing right in his father’s eyes, and the 11-year-old girl can do nothing wrong. I have witnessed what I consider severe verbal abuse toward my grandson. I would like to talk with my son about his behavior, but he is extremely sensitive to criticism. I know his reaction would be to ostracize me for an extended period of time. Then I’d never get to see my grand- children or be able to help. I just returned from a visit, and my Annie’s Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar son’s behavior appears to be having an effect on my grand- son’s health. The boy made himself sick worrying about having a cavity. He missed 10 days of school over the win- ter with headaches and stomachaches. I told my son and daughter-in-law that I think the reason my grandson is sick all the time is that he is stressed. I don’t think it went over well. I worry my son expects perfection from his child. His wife is aware of the situation, but as far as I can see, she does- n’t curtail it. The most she did was give my son a disapprov- ing look, after which he stopped berating the boy. My grandson tells me, ‘‘It’s not that bad.’’ My grand- daughter says it scares her when Daddy yells at her brother. I’ve told my grandson he can get help by talking to his school counselor or a teacher. Should I just butt out? — Grandma in the South Dear Grandma: Your best ally is your daughter-in-law, who seems to be the only one with any influence over your son. Call her. Tell her you can see that she is a good mother and you hope she will work with her husband to be a better parent. The way he treats his son will not only have a life- long impact on the boy’s emotional well-being, but will adversely affect his daughter, as well. Suggest she talk to her pediatrician about it. Dear Annie: My cousin, ‘‘Daphne,’’ wears a lot of black. She seems perfectly happy with her life, but she is cutting herself. She showed me the marks on her arms and legs. Daphne said I absolutely cannot tell anybody. But I’m worried about her health. Should I tell her parents and get in trouble with her? She’s my favorite cousin, and I don’t want to end up on her bad side. What should I do? — Helpless Dear Helpless: Cutting is not only physically damaging, but is an indication of emotional distress. It’s good that Daphne is confiding in you, and we hope you will allow her to discuss the things that are bothering her. Urge her to talk to the school counselor or a favorite teacher. Both of you can also check out kidshealth.org, which has information on cut- ting. If Daphne refuses to seek help through the school and won’t stop cutting, tell your parents what is going on. Although she may be upset with you, please care enough to help her anyway. Dear Annie: My husband and I disagree with your advice to ‘‘The Family Thorn,’’ whose sister-in-law gets offended at every family gathering. You told her to stop let- ting Tonya marginalize her from the family. We, too, had a family thorn — a cousin who, for 30 years, managed to be slighted and offended at every family func- tion. Our relatives revolved around this self-centered, toxic behavior, even more so after she married into significant money. Her petulant behavior at my grandfather’s funeral did it for us, and we exited this drama. We now share time with people who are supportive and encouraging, and our chil- dren are nurtured. And the rest of the family is stuck with that whiner. — Happy in the Deep South Dear Happy: Most people would prefer to stop being a victim rather than give up on the family. But we’re glad this worked for you. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Are Pap tests necessary after a hysterectomy? DEAR DR. GOTT: I had ovarian cancer and had a complete hysterec- tomy two years ago. My cancer was in the first stage, and, thankfully, I did not need chemo or radiation. My surgeon contin- ues to schedule me for Pap smears/internal exams yearly and says I will need to have this done for the rest of my life, but I don’t understand why. When I ask him, he gets short with me and says to “look it up on the Internet.” This does not make sense to me. Even my family doctor was surprised that I must continue to have Pap smears after having a complete hysterectomy. Can you shed some light on this? Thank you. Dr. Peter Gott DEAR READER: First things first. Find another surgeon/gynecologist. A huffy attitude and saying “Look it up on the Internet” is never an appropriate response to a concerned patient’s question, especially one who has a diagnosis of can- cer. All patients deserve respect and sim- ple politeness. Physicians dealing with cancer patients should realize this above all others because of the justified high emotions often associated with the diagno- sis. Now, onto your question. There are two types of hysterectomy: total and partial (also known as supracervical). A partial hysterectomy removes the uterus and leaves the cervix intact. A total hysterecto- my removes both the uterus and the cervix. In each procedure, the ovaries and fallopian tubes may be removed as well, depending on the reason for the hysterec- tomy. I assume your “complete” hysterecto- my is a total one. Also, because of your ovarian cancer, it is a given that your ovaries and fallopian tubes would have been removed as well, since they were the source of the cancer and the reason for undergoing the procedure. Treatment for ovarian cancer often begins with surgery to remove the ovaries, fallopian tubes, uterus, nearby lymph nodes and a fold of fatty abdominal tissue. Tissue and abdominal fluid samples are also taken to determine the stage of cancer and if additional treatments may be required. Depending on the results, chemotherapy and/or radiation are typical- ly ordered. This is especially true for more advanced cases. Unless you had a partial hysterectomy, a Pap smear, which tests for cervical can- cer, doesn’t make any sense because you don’t have a cervix. However, because I am neither a gynecologist nor a surgeon, I must defer a final answer to the specialists. Find a gynecologist with whom you feel comfortable. You can even make a “get acquainted” visit to determine whether he or she is someone you truly wish to see. Once you have found the spe- cialist of your choice, provide him or her with your medical records. Then sit down to discuss what type of hysterectomy you had, the type of testing you should under- go to monitor your ovarian cancer until you enter remission, and whether Pap smears are necessary in your case. Also, remember to eat well, exercise, get plenty of rest, and keep stress to a min- imum to increase and/or maintain your quality of life. This may also help with any symptoms of menopause, such as hot flashes, mood swings, weight gain, and more, that you may be experiencing fol- lowing your hysterectomy. To provide related information, I am sending you copies of my Health Reports “Menopause” and “An Informed Approach to Surgery.” Other readers who would like copies should send a self- addressed stamped No. 10 envelope and a $2 check or money order for each copy to Newsletter, P.O. Box 167, Wickliffe, OH 44092-0167. Be sure to mention the title(s) or print an order form off my web- site at www.AskDrGottMD.com. DEAR DR. GOTT: My sister suffered from headaches for several years. When my brother visited her, he checked around her home and found mold underneath the house. She moved, and the cluster headaches have disappeared. I just thought you would like to let your readers know about this as it may help others who suffer from these awful headaches. DEAR READER: Mold growth in homes can cause a plethora of symptoms, depending on the type of mold. Most often it is associated with cold-like or allergy- like respiratory symptoms, but headaches are definitely possible. I don’t know that your sister should have moved. There are several ways that mold can be removed from a home. If she was renting, the landlord also has a responsibility to clean up the mold. If she owned her home, she would have had to disclose this information to the purchaser because of the potential health risks. Thank you for writing to remind me and my readers of this common problem. To provide related information, I am sending you a copy of my Health Report “Headaches.” Other readers who would like a copy should send a self-addressed stamped No. 10 envelope and $2 to Newsletter, P.O. Box 167, Wickliffe, OH 44092. Be sure to mention the title or print an order form off my website at www.AskDrGottMD.com. Dr. Peter H. Gott is a retired physician and the author of several books, including “Live Longer, Live Better,” “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Diet” and “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Cookbook,” which are available at most bookstores or online. His website is www.AskDrGottMD.com. At MTV award shows, party matters more than prizes LOS ANGELES (AP) — Katy Perry dripping with green slime. Jack Black, in his under- pants, shooting fire- works from his crotch. Sacha Baron Cohen’s alter-ego, Bruno, land- ing his bare backside on Eminem’s face. These sure aren’t Oscar moments. MTV Networks — which include Nick- elodeon, Spike, Comedy Central and VH1 — specialize in irreverent awards shows, and they’re serving up a double dose this week- end with Spike’s Guys Choice on Saturday and the MTV Movie Awards Sunday. At these shows, fans pick the winners, so popular fare almost always trumps critical favorites. The cate- gories, which change year to year, honor such achievements as Top Fantasy Leaguer and Holy Grail of Hot at Guys Choice, and the best kiss, fight and ‘ ‘scared-as-s--t moment’’ of the year at the movie awards. The network’s award shows, which also include Nickelodeon’s Kids’ Choice Awards and Spike’s Scream awards (where Johnny Depp presented Keith Richards with the Rock Immortal award last year), are unapologeti- cally more about the party than the prizes. ‘‘We try to keep it fresh,’’ says MTV Net- works Chief Judy McGrath. ‘‘Let’s not get too serious about this and think about what our audience really, really loves.’’ The shows consis- tently draw big ratings and big stars — George Clooney, Robert Downey Jr., Charlize Theron and Robert DeNiro are among those expected at Guys Choice, while Tom Cruise, Sandra Bullock, Adam Sandler and Cameron Diaz are set to join dozens more stars at the MTV Movie Awards. It’s a fan-centered approach, McGrath says, and the combina- tion of top talent, quirky categories and zany antics is a winning one for all involved. ‘‘People appreciate the twist on the tradi- tional awards show and they can have some fun. It doesn’t have that high-level-of-anxiety feel,’’ she says, recall- ing last year’s Guys Choice presentation of the Brass Balls award to Clint Eastwood. ‘‘Part of you can’t believe Clint is coming to get this.’’ They come, says MTV general manager Stephen Friedman, because they know they’re speaking direct- ly to their fans. ‘‘That’s why we get the phenomenal caliber of talent that we get,’’ he says. ‘‘It’s piped straight into the people who adore them and live for them.’’ Publicist Alan Nier- ob, who represents A- listers including Downey Jr. and Jamie Foxx, says the awards hit the right demograph- ic for movies, music and TV. ‘‘You know what you’re getting into when you’re going to these things,’’ he says of the irreverent awards. ‘‘There’s always a lot of color at their shows and they get a great audi- ence.’’ Celebrities also appreciate that fans call the shots, McGrath says. Fans feel an own- ership because they’re picking the winners, casting unlimited votes for their favorites. The award shows are also ‘‘really good busi- ness for us,’’ she says. ‘‘They go up every year, in how much clients love them and clamor to be part of them and the revenue they create.’’ And more are com- ing. The Halo Awards, where celebrities recog- nize young people for serving their communi- ties, premiered on Nick- elodeon last year. And VH1 will broadcast the Do Something Awards for the first time, hosted by Jane Lynch, on July 19. Guys Choice, taping Saturday at Sony Stu- dios and airing on Spike June 20, is set to include a tribute to Sylvester Stallone. Sandra Bul- lock is being honored at the MTV Movie Awards, to be broadcast live on MTV Sunday from the Gibson Amphitheatre in Uni- versal City, Calif. The show, hosted by Aziz Ansari, is also set to feature performances by Perry, Snoop Dogg and Christina Aguilera, and footage from the forth- coming ‘‘The Twilight Saga: Eclipse’’ and ‘‘Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.’’ Stop waiting, sign up for FREE! • Sign up during the month of June and pay no enrollment or first months dues! *Special applies to standard membership rate EFT Get the kids off the couch this summer! • 4 month student special $99 Don’t forget our members now receive a free social membership at Wilcox Oaks golf course. Enjoy their beautiful pool and club house this summer. Tehama Family Fitness Center 2498 South Main St • Red Bluff 528-8656 • www.tehamafamilyfitness.com Paid political advertisement Elect Elect Elect