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Monday, May 17, 2010 – Daily News – 5A Torn up over cheating wife Dear Annie: I’ve been mar- ried to ‘‘June’’ for nine years. We have two young children. June’s first mar- riage ended in divorce, and after, she moved in with her sister and brother-in- law, ‘‘Chuck.’’ While there, she began an affair Annie’s Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar with him. I found out three years ago, when she left her e-mail open and I saw dozens of let- ters between the two of them, many of them recent. I confronted my wife in the presence of our family counselor and took the blame, saying I could be a better hus- band. June vowed to break off all contact with Chuck. But since then, she has texted him repeatedly, and worse, I saw an e-mail saying she was planning to divorce me and buy a house with Chuck. He is now divorced from June’s sis- ter. Recently, June was hospitalized. While I had her cell phone, Chuck sent a text. I ignored it, and then he called. I completely lost it and read him the riot act. Last night, June told me Chuck’s number was programmed into her cell phone so that if his name comes up, she’ll know not to answer. But I checked and there were six texts between the two of them in the past two days. They were plan- ning a lunch date. Now June says she doesn’t see anything wrong with texting Chuck because he’s ‘‘just a friend.’’ I am totally torn up by this. I wrote June a three-page letter detailing my feel- ings, fears and insecurities. I love my wife and would hate to see our kids go through a divorce. But Chuck has no place in our mar- riage. I’ve found a family counselor, but June won’t go. Any advice? — Aimless in Ames, Iowa Dear Aimless: Even if your wife is no longer having a sexual affair with Chuck, she is emotionally involved with him despite your objections, and this is a betrayal. If June refuses to go for counseling, go alone to see whether you can salvage your mar- riage. Sorry to say, but without her cooperation, we’re not optimistic. Dear Annie: Three years ago, my youngest son married into a very wealthy family. I love my daughter-in-law, and her mother is very nice. However, something has been bothering me since the wedding. The wedding invita- tions said, ‘‘Mrs. John Doe requests the honor of your presence at the marriage of her daughter, Jane, to Mr. Joe Smith.’’ I was told that my name as the mother of the groom was not on the invitation because ‘‘they paid.’’ I would have paid my share had I been asked. Am I wrong for feeling slighted, or is this the proper etiquette? — Groom’s Mother Dear Mother: Actu- ally, old-fashioned eti- quette rules presume the parents of the bride are the paying hosts of the wedding and the invita- tion goes out in their name. The groom is con- sidered an independent adult whose parents are not ‘‘giving him away,’’ FEATURES DEAR DR. GOTT: I am writ- and therefore, their names do not appear. Of course, modern interpre- tations allow for all kinds of invitations. The bride and groom should have discussed this with you in advance. Please try to forgive them. Dear Annie: I read the letter from ‘‘Freaked- Out Mom,’’ whose 18- year-old son has porno- graphic pictures of his not-yet-16-year-old girl- friend. I strongly urge her to talk to her son about the dangers of what could happen to him. My friend ‘‘Mike’’ dated ‘‘Katie’’ for three years. When he was 19 and she was 16, law enforcement officials found out about their relationship. Katie naively admitted they had been intimate. Now Mike is spending two years of his life in prison, and when he gets out, he’ll have to register as a sex offender. Employers and landlords who check his criminal background will see he is a convicted felon. No one cares that he was in a committed, loving rela- tionship with a girl he genuinely adored. — Tom Dear Tom: Every par- ent should talk to their children about the age of consent. Too many teens and young adults don’t appreciate what could happen to them. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast. net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Occupational therapists treat carpal tunnel ing in regards to your answer to the 74-year-old woman with carpal tunnel. Please don’t dis- count occupational therapy as a valid treatment option. Thera- pists are educated and trained in the treatment of the upper extremities as well as manage- ment of pain and restoration of function for daily tasks. We would have provided this woman with modalities, stretch- es, custom splints and effective home programs. Each patient gets a custom- designed plan of care. Please let your readers know about occupational ther- apists. DEAR READER: Not everyone is aware of what an occupational thera- pist (OT) actually does, so I will explain. OTs work with a variety of people of all ages with mental, physi- cal, emotional or developmental disor- ders. Their goal is to help patients improve their ability to perform tasks associated with living and working environments. The techniques used are designed to develop, recover and/or maintain the daily skills of their patients. Some OTs work with patients in a specific age bracket or with those who have a particular disability. Others work within a certain field, such as mental health (including mental ill- ness, developmental or emotional chal- lenges), school systems, nursing homes or other elderly-care facilities. As you stated in your brief note, each person receives a customized treatment/care plan. Those with tempo- rary conditions, such as those recover- ing from an injury, may require only minimal aid and limited therapy to regain skills, while others with perma- nent disabilities may benefit from long-term or lifelong treatment to develop and maintain those skills. Occupational therapists are medical professionals, educated, tested and qualified through a number of accredit- ed schools. They must pass a national examination as well as any state- required licensing or specific qualifica- tions. Typically, a master’s degree or higher in OT is the minimal education- al requirement. Students must also attend an academic program accredited to the Accreditation Council for Occu- pational Therapy Education before they can take the national certifying exam (at which they earn the title Occupational Therapist Registered, or OTR). Every state requires licensing, Dr. Peter Gott and only those who have grad- uated from an accredited pro- gram and have passed the national exam become licensed. Some states have additional requirements that must be met should the OT choose to work in a school or early-intervention program. Following licensing, thera- pists are mandated (as are nurses, doctors and many other healthcare professionals) to participate in continuing-education courses and workshops. Such pro- grams aid the therapist in keeping up- to-date on current therapies, proce- dures and a great deal more. Many states require these programs in order to maintain licensure. I suggest that anyone interested in learning more about what occupational therapists do or what requirements there are to become one visit the American Occupational Therapy Asso- ciation Inc. website at www.AOTA.org. The Bureau of Labor Statistics also has information about types of employment, possible estimat- ed earnings/wages and more. This information can be found at www.BLS.gov/oco/ocos078.htm. DEAR DR. GOTT: Keep up your excellent work and honest reporting; it is much appreciated. I also want to thank you for not using our e-mail addresses for any other purpose. And, lastly, I want to mention that providing an e-mail address, telephone number or even a last name should be optional unless the correspondent wishes to do so. I know many people will use you in the worst sense of the word for “free” medical advice outside your column’s parameters. It’s just human nature, I guess. DEAR READER: Although my website does not specify that last name, e-mail address or telephone are required or optional, they are, in fact, optional. I even tested this myself by simply putting in my first name, typing a message, and clicking the submit but- ton. I did receive my own message. Thank you for the compliments. Dr. Peter H. Gott is a retired physician and the author of several books, including “Live Longer, Live Better,” “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Diet” and “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Cookbook,” which are available at most bookstores or online. His website is www.AskDrGottMD.com.