Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/104301
4B Daily News – Friday, January 18, 2013 FEATURES Alcoholic mom complicates visits years. She was in her mid-50s Dear Annie: My parents have and died unexpectedly. She left a been divorced for 30 years. Both 12-year-old daughter. made mistakes when they were As we arrived at the funeral married, but the end was due to home, we thought there was a my mom's drinking. Dad providline to sign in. Wrong. It turned ed for me and now takes an active out to be about 25 ''tweens'' role in his grandchildren's lives, practicing their cheerleading. always making an effort to show These girls blocked the front up for their events. Mom is a different story. She Annie's door and the hallway. They were loud, laughing, taking pictures is an alcoholic. When I was and running around. This continyounger, she constantly criticized me. I was never ''good enough.'' by Kathy Mitchell ued all night long. Not one perShe demeans my housekeeping and Marcy Sugar son said a word to them. I don't know whose job it skills, my parenting and my appearance. Mom also has become should have been to tell them to sit down increasingly negative about my father. and be quiet, but I feel I didn't get the She has something bad to say about him chance to properly mourn my friend. every time I speak to her. She blames There was no funeral service. Should I have talked to these girls or someone Dad for the way her life turned out. I have a hard time trusting her with else? — Still Grieving Dear Still: Someone at the funeral my children. I attempted to make regular visiting arrangements when the kids home should have taken charge of this were younger, but she would never com- circus and asked the girls to be more mit to a specific schedule. Now she respectful, and you could have spoken to rarely sees them because making the the funeral director. But we hope it was comforting to the 12-year-old to see her time isn't a priority. Over the years, I have gone to coun- friends there, even if they were laughing seling, and I have created a good life for and taking pictures. It's a blessing not to myself. I have suggested counseling to know death at that age. Dear Annie: ''Realistic'' referred to Mom, but she refuses to get help for any of her various issues. I've also suggested the decline of the elderly as ''the angry talking to other family members, human wreckage they become.'' That although she's estranged from most of statement is a sad commentary. Most elderly do not take such a negative route them. I really am at the end of my rope. The in their final days. My grandmothers few visits she makes are stressful and were both sweet, vulnerable and a little anxiety filled. I have already limited con- bit scared in the end, but neither hostile tact to when I am prepared to handle her, nor combative. This may have been and frankly, I don't want to bother any- because they were surrounded by people more. But I hate the idea of hurting her. who truly loved and supported them durShe is still my mother. How can I deal ing that vulnerable time. One reason some people become with her negativity? — Tired Daughter Dear Tired: We understand that ''angry'' and resistant is that they are disMom's visits are exhausting, and you are oriented in an unfamiliar environment right to limit them. Now you need to cre- with strangers taking care of them. — ate boundaries for her behavior. If she Field Services Coordinator, Long-Term speaks negatively, say, ''I don't wish to Care Services discuss this.'' If she keeps at it, you can Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy leave or ask her to leave. It might change her behavior, but if not, at least you Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime won't be there to listen to it. We also editors of the Ann Landers column. urge you to contact Adult Children of Please email your questions to Alcoholics (adultchildren.org) for addi- anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators tional support. Dear Annie: A few days ago, I Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa attended the wake of a good friend of 40 Beach, CA 90254. Mailbox Accupuncture is promising remedy for headache pain According to traditional ChiDEAR DOCTOR K: I suffer nese beliefs, acupuncture works from chronic tension headaches. by affecting the flow of energy, Do you think acupuncture might called "qi," through pathways help? that run through the body. The DEAR READER: Acupuncpractitioner inserts very fine neeture is a form of complementary dles at specific points along or alternative medicine, and these pathways. many of my patients ask about it. Acupuncture has many variaIt first gained recognition in the Dr. K tions. It typically involves four to United States in 1971 when a by Anthony L. 10 needles that are left in place well-known New York Times columnist, James Reston, devel- Komaroff, M.D. for 10 to 30 minutes. A course of treatment may include six to 12 oped appendicitis on a trip to China. His pain following surgery was sessions. Most people report that treated not with conventional pain medi- acupuncture needles cause little or no cines but with acupuncture. Reston pain. Acupuncture is among the most reported that his pain had been completely relieved by acupuncture. His promising of nontraditional headache standing and credibility caused many therapies. The chief downsides are the cost and the time. people to take acupuncture seriously. If you decide to try acupuncture, do Acupuncture has long been used to treat headaches. But until recently, there your homework before choosing a prachadn't been strong evidence to support titioner, as licensing requirements vary its use for headache pain. Two large sci- from state to state. If possible, choose a entific reviews have changed that. One therapist with a state license. If you live review found that acupuncture may help in a state that doesn't require licensing, people with episodic or chronic tension seek out a practitioner who's certified by headaches. The other review found that the National Certification Commission acupuncture may prevent migraine for Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine. You may also want to get a referral headaches as well as or better than medfrom your doctor. (In any case, inform ications. The tension headache review looked your doctor if you are going to try at 11 studies involving about 2,300 peo- acupuncture.) And make sure that all ple. In two large studies included in the needles are disposable or are properly review, nearly half of people who sterilized before use. I think acupuncture is worth a try. received acupuncture in addition to their usual headache treatment said their Even if it doesn't provide complete headache days were cut by at least half. relief, it may enable you to cut back on Only 16 percent of those who received your pain medications. DEAR READERS: In my column of typical headache treatment, but no acupuncture, reported the same level of Dec. 19, I inadvertently spoke of achieving heart benefits by "lowering" HDL headache relief. The migraine review found evidence ("good") cholesterol. Of course, I meant that getting regular acupuncture treat- by "raising" HDL cholesterol, as was ments in addition to typical migraine clear in the rest of the column. I'm sorry treatments (such as taking painkillers) for the lapse. — Doctor K cut the frequency of migraines. Also, Dr. Komaroff is a physician and when acupuncture was compared to taking a preventive drug, people who professor at Harvard Medical School. To received acupuncture improved more send questions, go to AskDoctorK.com, and had fewer side effects than those tak- or write: Ask Doctor K, 10 Shattuck St., Second Floor, Boston, MA 02115. ing medications. Prankster registered as Obama in 2008 PITTSBURGH (AP) — A Pennsylvania detective is trying to figure out how an apparent prankster was able to fill out a 2008 voter registration card signed ''Barack H. Obama.'' By the time Butler County elections officials processed the card, it went into the state's com- puterized database with the last name ''Obana'' — that is, with an 'n' in place of the 'm.' But a detective tells The Associated Press that whoever did it was clearly trying to register using President Barack Obama's name. The card was discovered last week when a jury commissioner in the county north of Pittsburgh was compiling a role of potential jurors which, in Pennsylvania, can be drawn from voter registration lists. Detective Scott Roskovski says nobody voted using the bogus voter registration card, though filling it out falsely could be a felony.