North Bay Woman

S U M M E R 2 0 1 5 | NORTH BAY WOMAN 53 • Your eyes are not scanning the horizon for something "better." • You are maintaining emotional boundaries. • You are being honest. • You are supportive of each other, particularly in times of stress. • You are addressing sexual intimacy issues and working towards solutions. • Nobody has the "upper hand." • You follow through on promises. • You consider each other in your decision-making. • You both make repair attempts when things go awry. First Marriage Considerations This is your first (and I imagine you hope your last) marriage and you are enthusiastic and brimming with excitement for your future. You might not t realize that your honeymoon phase likely has a time stamp. You will move into the flow of life with work, home repairs and other obligations. Rest easy, we all have them. If you are securely at- tached, emotionally safe and genuinely like each other, you'll sail right through. Second Marriage or Beyond You've done this before and for whatever reason it didn't work out. Be really clear on why. What needs did you have that weren't met? How do you want to do it differently? Use your prior experiences to make this marriage great! LGBT Marriage One way your situation is unique is the issue of "outness" and what comes up for LGBT couples around this. Is there family support? Is there pain associated with the marriage for either of you because of lack of support? For some couples, being out is no longer a factor. But for others, it is and the idea of marriage can be bittersweet. The additional factor in strengthening your relationship foundation is to be as sensitive and supportive of each other's journey in this matter as possible. Whether 1 st marriage, 2 nd marriage or any marriage, the heart of your relationship is the foundation on which it stands. Do the work of shoring it up, ideally ahead of time but any time can be beneficial. If you need more resources, here are a few useful resources on the topic: • The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman, PhD • Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner's Brain and Attachment Style Can Help Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship by Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT • The Premarital Counseling Workbook for Couples by Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT available at loveandlifetoolbox.com. ■ marinfertility.com | 415.925.9404 Fertility Care Reimagined State of the Art Embryology Lab Board Certified Reproductive Endocrinologist First IVM baby on West Coast Gentle and Personalized Care Low Dose Medication Options IVF, Artificial Insemination Fertility Preservation Egg Freezing, Ovulation Induction Peter Uzelac, MD Jennifer Agard, MD

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