North Bay Woman

54 NORTH BAY WOMAN | S U M M E R 2 0 1 5 Making the most of money and marriage By Jane Lott Y O U R S , M I N E A N D O U R S You're eating out with Mr. Right and the waiter brings the check. Whether it's crab Louie at Nick's Cove, beer and burger at Marin Brew Co. or the full-course at Buck- eye, what happens next could predict the success of your marriage. Does he pick up the tab as you expect, because he always does? Or do you split the bill because you make as much as he earns and you want to pay your own way? Maybe you whip out your credit card because it's your turn to pay. Chances are that no matter which scenario took place, if you and Mr. Right determined your spending arrangement before dinner took place, your relationship is headed on the right course. Arguments about money, even in the early stages of a relationship, are by far the top predictor of divorce, according to Dr. Sonya Britt. As assistant professor of family studies and human services and program director of personal fi nancial planning at Kansas State University, Britt's research has led her to conclude that "It's not children, sex, in-laws or anything else. It's money — for both men and women." Whether you are marrying for the fi rst time or the third, hetero or gay, you can increase your odds for success — not only in marriage, but also in life — by following the advice of our fi nancial experts. Money and Marriage in General Love aside, there are some tremendous fi nancial benefi ts to getting married, says Jack Scaff, vice-president and fi nancial adviser at Brouwer & Janachowski, LLC. in Tiburon. For example, pooling risk against job loss and, in Marin especially, "there's a huge benefi t when it come to estate taxes," Scaff notes. But marriage is not without fi nancial risk to a woman either, especially if she plans to take time off from her career to have or raise children. And the odds are about even that an American marriage will end in divorce. So, how do you make sure Mr. Awesome doesn't turn out to be Mr. Awful? "Probably the most important thing is to observe and communicate," Scaff says. By that he means to watch your prospective husband's spending habits. Does he tip well for good service or is he cheap? Does he spend impulsively or does he follow a budget? Ask about his fi nancial history — his fi rst job, his attitude towards his supervi- sor, his career plans. Listen on a different level to those entertaining stories about buying a car, paying for college, that sailboat trip in the Greek Isles. If he's been married before, discuss any prior obligations, such as child support, alimony, a marital settlement. "This is one case where the past is a predictor of the future." says Peg Pike, chief operating offi cer of Brouwer & Janachowski. This is not to exclude the person, she explains, but to learn to cope with differing attitudes towards money. Pike says that one strategy to handling differing approaches to money management is for couples to divvy up the fi nancial chores, deciding together which ones should be han- dled by which person or together. She also suggests deciding together on a limit for a single purchase under which you don't need to consult with your partner — Is it $500? $1,000? $10,000? "We fi nd that it's much easier to agree on these things when you're not trying to discuss them in an emotional situation, such as when your husband drives up in a new car," Pike says. The best time to prevent confl icts in spending styles, fi nancial goals and life values

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