Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/9303
Monday, April 19, 2010 – Daily News – 5A FEATURES Hubby’s new job brings new life Shingles vaccine not a treatment Dear Annie: My husband of many years has become emotional- ly distant. We used to spend a lot of time together, but he recently took a new job in another town and has an apartment there. We see each other once or twice a week for a few hours. I have a full- time job that I can’t leave. My husband doesn’t seem to care that we aren’t together much. He is OK with my having a social life without him, but I’d rather not, and as a result, I don’t go out much. Annie’s Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar staying away. How am I sup- posed to handle this? He refuses to go for counseling. I don’t want to give up on my mar- riage, but I feel totally abandoned. — Desperate Dear Desper- ate: Your hus- band’s new job has confused him into thinking he’s sin- I tell my husband every- thing that is going on in my life, but he never shares. I usually don’t find out about the things he’s done until after the fact and almost always through a third party. I know he is faithful, and most of the time, the things he does are pretty tame, although I resent that he keeps them ‘‘secret.’’ For example, instead of going to work last week, he flew across the country to buy a vintage motorcycle. I knew he was interested, but had no idea he wasn’t at work until the credit card company called to confirm an out-of-state purchase. I didn’t hear from him for three days. This is not the first time he has done something like this. I try to be tolerant, but this motorcycle trip upset me. He insists I’m the one with the problem. He says he will ‘‘quietly continue to love me until death do us part,’’ but when I get angry, he claims it justifies his gle and not responsible to you when it comes to dis- cussing financial decisions or sharing his travel plans. And it’s likely to get worse. If you want to save the mar- riage, you will have to be the one to make the greater effort. Can you spend weekends in his town? Can you meet halfway for din- ner more often? Also, find active things to do so you are less focused on his absence, and please get some counseling for your- self. Dear Annie: In my aer- obics class, there is a woman who wears a head- set and often stops in the middle of a routine to read her notes. This makes the rest of us constantly work around her to avoid an acci- dent. Some of the members have already brought their concerns to the instructor, who won’t say anything, so it continues to be a prob- lem. How can we be assured that we can exer- cise without being injured during the sessions? Aren’t we entitled to a safe envi- ronment? — Concerned About Safety Dear Concerned: The instructor should speak up and ask the woman not to be a hindrance in class. However, since that isn’t happening, it would help if a group of you complains to management. You also can ask the woman directly. Before or after class, tap her on the shoulder and explain that her sudden stops are creating all sorts of havoc and you would appreciate it if she would exercise away from every- one else so she doesn’t get hurt. Dear Annie: I read the letter from ‘‘Wits’ End,’’ who has a bipolar child and a hard-hearted husband. I have a bipolar child and know the difficulty a marriage faces under these circumstances. If her hus- band has been counseled about bipolar illness and still isn’t on board, the mar- riage is effectively over. ‘‘Wits’ End’’ needs to rec- ognize this and focus on the person with the greatest lifelong need — her daugh- ter. — Massachusetts Dear Massachusetts: We agree that the husband is not helping, but the daughter is an adult and, bipolar or not, will be on her own one day. Mom should not have to sacrifice her marriage if there is a way to save it. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.n et, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. DEAR DR. GOTT: Thank you for the letter about the shingles vaccine. I would like to know how it works. Is it like the flu vaccine? I have suffered with shingles for 10 years now. I have asked my doctor for the vaccine, but he said insurance companies wouldn’t pay for it until I am 60. Is it because, as you stated, Dr. Peter Gott they have only tested the vac- cine on those 60 and older? I am currently taking Valtrex, and it has stopped the outbreak but not the pain. I am turning 60 this year and want to know if the vaccine will not only help me but might also get me off the Valtrex, because it is so expensive. DEAR READER: An outbreak of shingles typically lasts only a few weeks with proper treatment. For those who go untreated, the risk of developing prolonged or permanent side effects, most notably nerve pain but also numbness and tingling, becomes greater. Unless you are simply having repeat attacks, I highly doubt that a single outbreak could last 10 years. You are more likely experiencing some of the side effects I mentioned above. They are likely permanent if you have had them for 10 years. The shingles vaccine is not a treat- ment. It will not help you with regard to your pain; however, it may prevent future outbreaks or lessen the severity and duration of any future attacks. Because you are not yet 60, you are not a candidate for the vaccine simply because it has not been studied in those under 60. However, because you will be 60 this year, I recommend you make an appointment with your physi- cian after your birthday to get the vac- cination. I would also like to take this oppor- tunity to mention an error in the col- umn to which you are referring. I stat- ed that shingles is highly contagious and that those who have not had chickenpox can develop it after becoming infected by the per- son with shingles and that those who have had chickenpox could develop shingles. This is somewhat incorrect. While shingles is highly contagious, it is only so during a small win- dow in which the blisters begin to break open and ooze. Before the rash develops and after it crusts over, the people are not contagious. The virus is not transmitted through the air; direct contact between the infected drainage and the mouth or an open sore is necessary. Also, I was mistak- en that direct contact may result in the development of shingles in those who have already had chickenpox. I apolo- gize for this error but still caution anyone in the contagious period of shingles to avoid direct contact with others, regardless of whether they had chickenpox or not, just to be on the safe side. People who are interested in receiv- ing the shingles vaccine should speak with a physician or pharmacist because there are special precautions that must be taken. The vaccine must be kept frozen at a specific temperature until it is reconstituted and then must to be used within 30 minutes. Because of these restrictions, most doctors do not store the vaccine in office; rather, it must be picked up by the patient at the nearest pharmacy in order to be given within the necessary time frame. I had some readers write to tell me that they received the vac- cine right in the pharmacy by a nurse on staff. Not all states allow this, however. Your doctor or pharmacist is your best resource in this regard. Dr. Peter H. Gott is a retired physician and the author of several books, including “Live Longer, Live Better,” “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Diet” and “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Cookbook,” which are available at most bookstores or online. His website is www.AskDrGottMD.com. 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