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Thursday, April 8, 2010 – Daily News – 5A FEATURES Can’t get over rebound Dear Annie: I’ve been divorced for five years. Immediately after the papers were signed, I met ‘‘Matthew.’’ We dated for a few months. The chemistry was perfect, but then he shocked me with an e- mail saying he didn’t have feelings for me. Annie, this was two years ago, and I’m still depressed. I’m sure Matthew has no idea it still bothers me that we got along so well and now we don’t see each other anymore. However, we still e-mail once every few months or so, just to catch up. I can’t seem to move on. What would make my life meaningful is a relationship with a guy just like him. But there is no one else in the world like him. The past two years have been like death. I wake up every morning thinking about how he doesn’t love me, and I go to bed every night knowing he’ll never be there for me. Can you give me any advice? — Just Me Alone in Texas Dear Texas: You have you to a therapist. And stop e-mailing Matthew. It’s only pouring salt on your wounds. You need to make a clean break. Dear Annie: I am a 58- Annie’s Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar year-old woman, married to ‘‘Herb,’’ age 73 and retired. The last time I spoke with my younger sister (divorced and living with our mother), she said, ‘‘As long as you live with Herb, I am going to divorce you from the family.’’ She feels Herb is demeaning and con- trolling. I’m disabled. Prior to my medical condition, I had a suc- cessful career. When I was on life support last summer, my family tried to take over the decisions of my care and ignored my husband. Apparently, it’s their way or the high- way. What should I do? — Confused Dear Confused: It seems that given Matthew a tremendous amount of con- trol over your life. There’s no way to know whether he was Mr. Right, but you have romanticized him into perfec- tion and created an object of obsession. You have convinced yourself to pine away for someone who isn’t interested in you. Two years of being stuck in this rut means you will need professional help to get out. Ask your doctor to refer PHILADELPHIA (MCT) — Paige Gabriele loved her dolls — once. At age 8, however, the Swarthmore, Pa., girl has largely abandoned them. Even Barbie gets slim face time, and the single Ameri- can Girl doll, a gift from her grandmother, sits pretty on her bureau — untouched. Playing with dolls "gets boring after a while," said Paige as she passed by the well-stocked aisles full of Barbie, Moxie Girlz, Liv, and other fashion dolls at a nearby Target. She was more interested in a basket- ball, and gushed about social Web sites such as moshimonsters.com, where she nurtures pet monsters. It used to be that dolls held girls' interest at least through elementary school. But these days, girls are dropping such playthings at ever younger ages, largely replacing the childhood mainstay with technology- driven activities, even as the toy industry battles to attract the coveted market with new products. According to the NPD Group, U.S. doll sales have declined by nearly 20 per- cent since 2005 — and older girls are the least like- ly to have such toys. In 2009, 18 percent of dolls sold went to girls 9 and older, but 37 percent landed in the hands of 3- to 5-year- olds, the "sweet spot" ages, said Anita Frazier, NPD toys and video games indus- try analyst. Jeff Holtzman, third- generation head of dollmak- er Goldberger Co., based in Manhattan, said his busi- ness used to make dolls for children from birth to 12. Nowadays, Goldberger focuses on children younger than 3. "By the time they hit 4 or 5, they want a cell phone," Holtzman said. "We're replacing dolls sooner." One reason is that older children have more options, said Frazier. "With more choice comes time frag- mentation," she said. But ditching doll play says just as much about the erosion of childhood — as well as imagination and attention spans, argue some — as it does about the mul- titude of gadgets and activi- everyone in your family is trying to control you. What about you? Don’t let your sister or anyone else dictate your life. If you are happy with Herb, stay with him. Try to keep in touch with your sister and mother, but if they refuse to speak to you, so be it. Dear Annie: I read the letter from ‘‘Worried Friend,’’ who expressed con- cern that a single male has been acting as a surrogate father to a neighbor’s daughter. Now that the girl is 13, he thinks this adult male may have a sex- ual interest in her. He goes on to say, ‘‘It is highly abnormal for a single adult male to develop a close relationship with a young girl.’’ Oh, really? Your reply seemed to bolster this ridiculous notion by saying he could be a sexual abuser. As an adult male, I find this highly offensive. It seems men are assumed to be sexual predators until proven otherwise, and even then, we are apparently prone to abuse if the right situation arises. There are plenty of adult women, i.e., middle-aged junior-high teachers, who will have sex with underage boys. You need to stop perpetuating this highly biased and offensive stereotype. Let’s see whether you have the fair- ness to print this. — E.W. Dear E.W.:My, my, you seem a bit sensitive on the subject. We are not condemning men in general, or even in particular. We said this situation bears watching because the male neighbor has no adult relationships and seems especially interested in the girl’s devel- oping body. It would be irresponsible of us not to acknowledge that those fac- tors indicate a possible problem. You are entitled to disagree, but we’re stick- ing with our original advice. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W.Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Girls abandon dolls for Web-based toys Friend’s actions confusing DEAR DR. GOTT: A friend of mine is 81. For the past several months, she has been experi- encing flailing of the arms and legs, arch- ing of her back and has no control of the actions. I thought along the lines of seizures, but she is awake through all the episodes and knows exactly what is happen- ing. Would you have any idea what could cause these symptoms? Dr. Peter Gott I read your column MCT photo Kelsey Mauger, 8, of North Wales, Pa., sits at her icomputer, playing in the virtual world. ties that vie for children's spare time. Lindsey Peppel, 12, of Phoenixville, Pa., hasn't played with the fashionable figures for a while, instead favoring online sites, includ- ing Barbie.com, and Barbie video games (when she's not reading books). "I don't think I'm good at making up imaginary things," she said. "I didn't know what to do with dolls." Consumer psychologist Kit Yarrow, who chairs the psychology department at Golden Gate University and wrote the book Gen BuY, agrees that children nowa- days need lots of stimula- tion to keep their interest. But she said, that's not necessarily a negative. "Maybe," she argued, "this is preparation for exactly what they need when they grow up. The world these kids are going to be adults in is more souped up." Others, though, say loss of doll play is a sign of the Microsoft speed at which children mature. "Girls don't play with dolls as much or for as long anymore because they are being socialized by media culture to grow up faster," said Patricia Leavy, an asso- ciate professor of sociology Jack the Ribber Now Available Organic & Heirloom Spring Vegetable Plants 1 1/2 miles South of Red Bluff 12645 Hwy 99E (530) 529-2546 • Ribs •Tri-Tip • Pulled Pork • Specials Mon.-Fri. 11am-8pm Sat. 5-9pm 1150 Monroe St. 527-6108 at Stonehill College in East- on, Mass., who has wit- nessed a lack of interest in dolls in her own 9-year-old daughter. After all, 5 is the new 10, and 10 is the new 15. Often, young girls, called tweens by marketers, are pushed to act and look like teens, whether that message comes from the latest "Han- nah Montana" TV shows, outfits at the Limited Too, or virtual playlands. Playing with dollies has little place in this world. Tween culture "is trans- forming the lives of girls," Leavy said, and often to the detriment of self-esteem, Welcomes Photographer & Western Artist Linda Rosser 40 years of “Red Bluff Round Up” Photos Plus 34 frames of Lane Frost on Red Rock Friday April • 2nd 5-7 April 10th • 10-4 April 17th • 12-3 623 Main St. 527-5180 Corning Calif. Largest Selection In Tri-County • Herbal Medicines • Edibles (Foods) • Clones 1317 Solano St. (530) 824-4811 www.tehamaherbalcollective.vpweb.com she argued, with its empha- sis on idealized images of beauty. To understand why this matters, consider the role of traditional doll play in socialization. "When little girls play with dolls, they're practicing being a mommy, practicing tending and nurturing," said psychologist Yarrow. Although some say an avatar fills the role just fine, Leavy disagrees, calling online diversions "a differ- ent level of intimacy and connection. It doesn't have to be dolls, but I don't think it's going to come from a Web site." every day, and you have helped so many people. I hope you have an answer to this puzzling physical problem. Thank you. DEAR READER: There are a number of medical conditions I con- sidered when first read- ing your letter. The first was Tourette’s syndrome. This was easy to rule out, however, because diagno- sis, in part, is confirmed in the presence of both motor and vocal tics that can but don’t necessarily occur at the same time. Then I put on my think- ing cap and realized your friend is likely suffering from seizure activity. I will explain why. Seizures are an indication of a brain problem, but not all seizures cause convulsions and uncon- sciousness. For example, focal or partial seizures occur in just one part of the brain, as opposed to generalized seizures, which affect both sides. They can be brought on by abnormal heart rhythms, brain damage or infection, high fever, metabolic disorders and a great deal more. And now the interest- ing part: A Jacksonian seizure falls into the “par- tial seizure” category. It affects one part of the body and will then spread to another. Movements may occur in the hand or foot, moving from that limb onward as the elec- trical activity spreads to the brain. A person will be completely aware of what is happening during the abnormal activity. I recommend your friend make an appoint- ment with her primary- care physician or a neu- rologist. Simple lab test- ing and an EKG can rule out a number of possibil- ities. An electroen- cephalogram (EEG), MRI or CT scan might be appropriate for confirma- tion of diagnosis. If she is DW PLUMBING INC. Local Plumbers Serving all Your Plumbing Needs Since 1993 530 527-6403 Major Credit Cards Accepted Lic. No 679492 found to have a seizure dis- order, one could occur at an inoppor- tune time and cause injury to her or oth- ers. This should be avoided at all cost. There are a great number of prescription medications available for control. As a friend, express your concerns and suggest she seek assistance. To provide related information, I am send- ing you a copy of my Health Report “Medical Specialists.” Other read- ers who would like a copy should send a self- addressed stamped No. 10 envelope and a $2 check or money order to Newsletter, P.O. Box 167, Wickliffe, OH 44092. Be sure to mention the title or print an order form off my website at www.AskDrGottMD.co m. DEAR DR. GOTT: You once wrote about severe spontaneous rectal spasms. I am experienc- ing this and am eager to have you respond so I can take your answer to my gynecologist. DEAR READER: I believe the condition to which you are referring is proctalgia fugax, with pain that can be sharp, stabbing or feel like a cramp at the opening of the anus. A similar condi- tion is Levator Ani Syn- drome, a dull pain felt higher up the rectal pas- sage. Proctalgia fugax pain is brief, so treatment isn’t generally necessary. Levator ani can be treated with sitz baths, ibupro- fen, naproxen or massage to the muscles. Prevention is often successful by incorporat- ing a high-fiber diet and drinking plenty of water. Your physician should be able to diagnose you based on your symptoms. If questions arise, a digi- tal exam might be per- formed so hemorrhoids, a mass or anal fissures can be ruled out. Dr. Peter Gott is a retired physician and the author of the book “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Diet,” available at most chain and independent bookstores, and the recently published “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Cookbook.” & Gardening 10-25% OFF MSRP HYDROPONICS Indoor Lighting ADVANCED 1417 SOLANO ST., CORNING 824-1100 NOW OPEN SUNDAYS You can dance Salsa too Class starts April 14th 440 Antelope Blvd. (Inside the old Trilogy building, Suite #3) Contact Marissa: (530) 515-5204 Beginning Wednesdays for 5 weeks, dress comfortable 6 - 7 pm