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FEATURES Dear Annie: My college-age daughter is very hard on herself. ''Sharyn'' is a beautiful, intelli- gent and wonder- ful person at heart, but she cannot see it, even though everyone else does. For 12 years, Sharyn has been in some form of therapy. She has damaged herself, starved herself and even run away. As a child, she was ''different,'' and so she was badly bullied and had unreliable friends who briefly entered her life and left suddenly. After years of rejection and failure to achieve her goals, she began to isolate herself and give up. Much of her time was spent alone and lonely. It was unbearably painful to stand by and watch my child undeservingly suf- fer like this. make progress once she started college. She's maintained a 3.5 GPA, developed incredible artistic and writing abili- ties, found a summer job and will be living with her friends this coming year. However, she still believes no one really likes her. She says, ''Everyone wants me gone,'' and ''Everyone thinks I'm stupid, lazy, weird and mean.'' She has many great things going for her now, but she still allows her negativity to control her life. She has even said to me, ''You hate me,'' and ''I'm a bad daughter.'' I have overheard her yelling both hurtful and hateful comments to herself Sharyn seemed to Annie's Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar I tell Sharyn repeatedly that I love her and am proud of her, but she accuses me of lying. I'm frustrat- ed and heartbroken that she believes these things when she has come so far. What else can I possibly do to help my daughter understand that she is a wonderful person who deserves happiness? — Peace Bound Parent Dear Parent: You are doing the best you can with your bedrock reas- surances. Sharyn's con- ception of herself is so distorted and negative that she assumes your opinion is too biased to count. Her accusations are a way to test your commitment. These issues are best addressed in therapy. Since she seems to be making progress, albeit slowly, please continue to pro- vide calm, loving support. You also can get some therapy on your own and develop some coping strategies. while she looks in the mirror. dating ''Don'' for eight months. When I met him, I didn't realize he had been seeing a woman for two years. Apparently, they had an understanding that if someone else came along, it would be OK to break up because they live three hours apart. They still communicate on Facebook. Dear Annie: I've been owns some property that is pretty much in Don's backyard. She stays at a cabin on the property a few times a year. It makes me really uncomfortable. This girlfriend's family But when I talk to Don about her, he says, ''You have nothing to worry about.'' But there have been a few nights when he's called her name in his sleep. He also once told me that if he wanted her back, all he had to do was call her. Don wants me to move in with him, but I can't. His relationship with the other woman eats at me all the time. What do I do? — On the Rebound Dear Rebound: You don't completely trust Don, partly because he has given you the impres- sion that this woman is always available to him. Trust is the bedrock of any relationship. If it doesn't exist with Don, there won't be a happy future for the two of you, and you should move on. Dear Annie: A reader Thursday, July 19, 2012 – Daily News 5A Daughter thinks she's hated Cut calories to take off pounds DEAR DOCTOR K: I'm try- ing to lose weight. How can I fig- ure out how many calories I should be eating every day? DEAR READER: Since your weight is influenced both by the number of calories you eat and by the number of calories you burn during your daily activities, let's assume that your daily activ- ities won't change. To figure out how many calo- ries you should consume each day to lose weight, you first need to know how many calories you need to maintain your current weight. The math is simple. First, multiply your current weight by 15. This calculation tells you the number of calories per day you need to maintain your current weight (weight-mainte- nance calories). Let's say you weigh 155 pounds. If you multiply 155 by 15, you get 2,325, which is your weight-maintenance calo- rie total. To lose weight, you'll need to reduce your daily calories below that. To lose 1 to 2 pounds a week — a rate asked why there wasn't a Viagra-type pill for women, and your response implied that Viagra restores desire. This simply is not the case. Viagra and other med- ications like it allow the body to carry through on the desires of the heart and mind. In the absence of desire, these medica- tions do nothing except possibly give a confi- dence boost. — My Two Cents Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.n et, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. that experts consider safe — you should consume 500 to 1,000 fewer calories per day than your total weight-maintenance calories. That means you need to eat between 1,325 calories per day (2,325 less 1,000) to 1,825 calories per day (2,325 less 500). However, don't consume fewer than 1,200 calories per day if you're a woman or fewer than 1,500 calories per day if you're a man, except under the supervi- sion of your doctor. Eating too few calo- ries can endanger your health by depriv- ing you of needed nutrients. You can find calorie information on the nutrition labels on all packaged foods Small Business Devel- opment Center (SBDC) at Butte College is present- ing a series of workshops for start-up and new busi- nesses. and beverages and in a number of books and websites. When straight calorie counting is impractical: — Eat foods that are filling and low in calories. Dr. K by Anthony L. Komaroff, M.D. nutrient snacks. — Avoid regular (non-diet) sodas, fruit juices and alcoholic beverages. Also, try smaller portion sizes. When fat and cut down portion size. — Avoid fried foods. — Use low-fat or non-fat dairy foods. — Avoid fast foods. — Avoid high-calorie, low- — When you eat meat, cut out you're cooking at home, that's easy enough. When you go to restaurants, consider splitting one main course and one or two appetizers with your dinner companion. Also, eat slower. If you take 20 to 30 minutes to eat a smaller-than- normal portion, you're less likely to feel hungry than if you eat it in 10 to 20 min- utes. That's because it takes about 20 minutes after starting a meal for your brain to get the "enough" signal from your stomach. For more information on losing weight, read "Chicken Soup for the Soul: Say Hello to a Better Body!" by Harvard Medical School's Dr. Suzanne Koven. (You can learn more about this book at AskDoctorK.com.) It has great informa- tion and lots of stories from people who have faced the same problem as you. Dr. Komaroff is a physician and professor at Harvard Medical School.To send questions, go to AskDoctorK.com, or write: Ask Doctor K, 10 Shattuck St., Second Floor, Boston, MA 02115. New Venture Entrepreneurial Series cost for the series is $50 per person prepaid or $60 at the door. The workshops will be held on Wednesday morn- ings from 8:30-10:30 a.m. on Aug. 15 through Sept. 5, at the Small Business Development Center at Butte College, 2480 Notre Dame Blvd., Chico. The This 4-part training series provides essential information for individu- als thinking about starting a new business and new business owners. Topics include: New Business Orientation, Market Analysis, Cost Analysis, and Business Plan Overview. You will learn the legal requirements for business start-up, how to assess your market and calculate start-up costs, and how to plan for direc- tion and to obtain funding. Call for detailed flyer. Pre-registration is required. Please call the Small Business Develop- ment Center (SBDC) at Butte College at 895-9017 to register and for infor- mation.