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2B Daily News – Tuesday, July 10, 2012 FEATURES Wife irked at being left out of beach trips band, ''Kevin,'' and I have been together for nine years. Every summer, Kevin used to go to the beach for a week's vacation with a family he was close to. The entire group num- bered about 15 people. Three years ago, Kevin told me he wanted to start tak- ing vacations with them again. I was not invited. Kevin said there wasn't enough room, and he'd have to sleep on the floor, which wouldn't work for his chronic back problems. Dear Annie: My hus- Annie's Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar This year, I insisted on being included, so he grudgingly asked if I could come, but it is a sore spot now. I have spoken to Kevin multi- ple times about my feelings of abandonment stemming from his preference to exclude me from these vacations, and I never get a direct answer as to why he doesn't want me to come. All he says is that he's afraid I'll somehow insult them. Annie, I had nothing against these people until my husband started ditching me to be with them. Worse, the 34-year-old daughter has come to our house twice and made herself right at home, taking food from the fridge and glasses from the cabinet. She's had drug problems and recently was arrested for breaking and entering. This makes me uneasy, particularly since Kevin takes a lot of prescription medications. I get angry whenever I hear one Dear Sad: The fact that your husband wants to take his summer vacation without his wife and in the company of a drug abuser is suspi- cious and worrisome. Frankly, we think this envi- ronment is unhealthy for Kevin, and that's why he doesn't want you around. Stop criticizing this family and work on Kevin. He's not being honest with you. Dear Annie: My 33-year-old daughter is expecting my first grandchild soon. Her friends are giving her a baby shower in two weeks. of them talking about the next beach trip, and I start criticizing them to Kevin because I can't seem to get through to him how this makes me feel. What can I do? — Sad, Hurt and Con- fused has a ''surprise'' new wife who has not been invited. My daughter thinks it would be too stressful to meet her new sister-in-law for the first time at her shower. I think all the female members of the family should be invited, even new ones. I will be flying in to attend the My son, who lives near his sister, shower and want to visit my son and his new bride. This means he will wonder why I'm in town. I don't want his new wife to feel slighted that she wasn't invited to the show- er. I realize I can't tell my 33-year- old daughter what to do. I just don't know whether to tell my son that we are coming. — Don't Like Secrets Dear Secrets: It is not a lie to tell your son that you are in town to meet his new wife, because that is part of your trip. However, if your daughter truly wanted to include her new sister-in-law at the shower, she could easily make her acquaintance within the next two weeks. She is being unkind, and this could lead to future problems. Please do your best to encourage her to invite her brother's new wife. ''Trish,'' who sent her guidelines for dating. She said he or she must be employed, own his or her own car, and cannot live with his or her mother or sleep on his or her best friend's couch. Dear Annie: This is in reply to 'Almost psychopaths' can change behavior TOR K: My boss is extremely manipulative and selfish. He does- n't care how his actions affect his employees. He gets away with it because he turns on the charm with his supervi- sors. I truly think he might be a psy- chopath. DEAR DOC- When I met my husband, he had no job, didn't own a car and was sleeping on his best friend's couch. Within a year, he joined the Marines and we were married. After serving in Vietnam, he came home and together we raised two sons. We have had the most wonderful 47 years. He's the best husband and father I could imagine: loving, patient and caring. I'm so grateful that I was unaware of Trish's guide- lines and followed my heart — Truly Blessed Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. Morris, Jones graduate from Oregon State Courtesy photo Red Bluff high school graduates Christopher Jones and Mackenzie Morris both graduated with honors from Oregon State University on June 16. Chris majored in Physics and will be starting the Masters program at OSU in the fall and Mackenzie majored in Psychology and will be starting work in the fall. Dr. K by Anthony L. Komaroff, M.D. DEAR READER: Just being manipulative and selfish doesn't make a person a psychopath, but those surely are characteristics found in one. In addition, psy- chopaths show a pro- found lack of empathy. They have no problem engaging in immoral and antisocial behavior for short-term gains. They are extremely egocen- tric, and they are not deterred by punishment or penalties. Increasingly doctors recog- nize that, for many diseases, it's not as simple as saying you have it or you don't. True, some people have absolutely no signs of it, and other people are clear cases. But in between is a gray zone where you could say that a person "almost" has the condition. behavior at one end and the full- blown disorder at the other. An increasing number of studies indicate that psychopaths are born that way. Their brains are different from other people. When something terrible and unfair hap- pens to someone else, they don't feel the empa- thy that most people feel. When most people feel empathy, certain parts of the brain light up. When psychopaths witness something that causes most people to feel empathy, that part of the psychopath's brain remains cold. Psychopaths can be hard to recognize at first. They are often superficially charming and glib. They are able to take advantage of oth- ers because they know that acting friendly and helpful can be a useful strategy for getting what they want. difference between right and wrong — they just don't care. Their only concern is what's right for them. Psychopaths know the Mental health profes- sionals encounter many people who don't meet the current technical definition of a psy- chopath. But these peo- ple have more than the usual amount of difficul- ty following rules or understanding how to treat others. They are "almost psychopaths" because they exhibit some of the behaviors and attitudes of psy- chopathy, but not to the extent that they meet the criteria for diagnosis. Recognizing the "almost" effect has two primary goals (and ben- efits): to alleviate pain and suffering now, and to prevent more serious problems later. Unlike with a true psychopath, in many cases there are things that can be done to help address the behavior of an almost psychopath. For advice on dealing with almost psy- chopaths, read "Almost a Psychopath: Do I (or Does Someone I Know) Have a Problem With Manipulation and Lack of Empathy?" by Har- vard Medical School's Dr. Ronald Schouten and Jim Silver. (You can learn more about this book at AskDoctorK.com) Dr. Komaroff is a Still, not everyone who charms, manipu- lates or skirts the line between right and wrong is a psychopath. Psy- chopathy, like many conditions, occurs along a spectrum, with normal physician and professor at Harvard Medical School. To send questions, go to AskDoctorK.com, or write: Ask Doctor K, 10 Shattuck St., Second Floor, Boston, MA 02115. Education News? clerk@redbluffdailynews.com DONATE YOUR VACATION newspaper dollars to the Newspaper In Education Program Support our classrooms, keep kids reading. HELP OUR CHILDREN DAILYNEWS For more details call Circulation Department (530) 527-2151 RED BLUFF TEHAMACOUNTY T H E V O I C E O F T E H A M A C O U N T Y S I N C E 1 8 8 5 PHONE: (530) 527-2151 FAX: (530) 527-5774 545 Diamond Avenue • P.O. Box 220 • Red Bluff, CA 96080