Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/7219
6A – Daily News – Thursday, February 25, 2010 Dear Annie: My wife and I are both 54-year-old professionals. We grew up in the same small town, but didn't begin a romance until our 30th high-school reunion. We were in a long-distance relationship for four years and then married two years ago. Her children are grown. My 14-year-old son lives with us. The problem is her parents. For some reason, they have decided they do not like me. I am not wel- come in their home, nor will they come to our house. My wife is invited to every one of their fam- ily events, but my son and I are not. Her three sib- lings treat me the same way, as does her 28-year- old daughter. We all live in the same town, but I have no contact with any of them. I have never treated any of my in-laws with anything other than the utmost courtesy and respect. I have tried engaging her parents and sister in dialogue, but no one will say a peep. I am convinced her parents are purposely stressing my wife in the hope that our marriage will fail. I could deal with all of this if I felt my wife stood up for, supported and properly prioritized our family. I feel she should not attend functions if we all are not invited. I am hurt and humiliated when she goes without us — effectively saying it's OK for her family to treat us poorly. I cannot fathom treat- ing my children as her parents have treated us. I think their behavior is controlling, self- ish and border- line abusive. Is it too much to expect my wife to stand up for her family? — Ignored Husband Dear Ignored: Of course not. Your wife's fami- ly continues to treat you with disrespect because your wife per- mits it. She should have the decency to tell them you are a package deal and insist on your inclu- sion. They will never willingly adjust to your marriage if your wife doesn't demand they make the effort. Dear Annie: I have a simple question. Our family received an unusu- al gift last Christmas from an aunt and uncle. Included in the card was a gift receipt, along with a rebate offer for the item and the regular receipt, which is needed to cash in the rebate. My question is, who should benefit from the rebate? Should it be shared with my aunt and uncle? Returned? Kept? — Beyond my Reasoning in the Midwest Dear Midwest: If the original receipt and rebate offer were includ- ed in the card from the givers, it means they intended for you to send in the paperwork and keep the proceeds. If they had wanted the rebate, they would have sent in the receipt themselves. Consider it part of the gift. Be sure to thank them. Dear Annie: I read the letter from ''Loving Dad,'' whose 20-year-old daughter doesn't know how to dress to comple- ment her body shape. I, too, had this problem, and my father stepped in. At first I found it offen- sive and refused to listen, but I soon realized he was right. Too often, I have seen overweight women wear unflattering things, and everyone is too polite to speak up. I am glad my father was willing, because it allowed me to see just how unattractive I looked. My parents were quick with praise, but they were also quick to tell the truth. If something didn't look good, they said so. It took a while for me to appreciate this, but now, at 28, I dress well and look good. It is incredibly impor- tant for a young woman — especially one with weight issues — to learn what flatters her. Our society judges on appear- ance, and this could affect her in many ways. I suggest Dad speak to his wife about how to gently broach the subject. — Eternally Grateful Dear Grateful: Very few people so willingly accept constructive criti- cism. Your parents han- dled it well, but you han- dled it better. Kudos. Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.n et, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Wife won't stand up to family Annie's Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar FEATURES DEAR DR. GOTT: I've been experiencing unusual discom- fort in my legs. It began when I started to exercise in the sum- mer of 2009. I attributed it to the exercise on the glute machine, so I stopped. The pain went away, but I then began to experience leg pain/discomfort that can be described as similar to shin splints. It's not a sharp pain, just a throbbing discomfort. I feel it especially at night, and it wakes me up. This usually happens when I lie on my side. Sometimes I put a pillow between my legs, hoping to avoid it, but it doesn't always help. When I wake up, I turn on my back and the discomfort dissipates, allowing me to go back to sleep. There are nights when the pain doesn't awaken me, and I'm not sure what that is attributed to. During the day, I occasionally feel the same discomfort but not to the same degree, and it's not as bother- some. Do you have any ideas on what it could be or how I can work toward making it go away? I'm 51 years old, slender and in good health. I do not smoke or drink, am not diabetic, and I don't have high blood pressure. My cholesterol levels are a little higher than they should be, so I have been taking red yeast rice. Also, I've developed a bit of a rash on the inside of both my knees. I hope you have some ideas because my doctor doesn't. I've been researching circulatory problems, but nothing there rings a bell. DEAR READER: Your initial pain certainly could have resulted from using the glute machine. The use of any new and different piece of equip- ment may result in unexpected stress and strain on bones and their connec- tive tissues. The outer edge of the tibia, the large prominent bone in the front of the lower leg, causes the pain of shin splints. And frequent starts and stops from sports such as tennis or basket- ball, from training too quickly and/or to excess, are what cause shin splints. The pain may be continuous. Relief is often found through rest, ice or hot packs, over-the- counter salves with cayenne pepper or eucalyptus formu- las, physical therapy and mas- sage. If the pain is in the calf area, it's possible your red yeast rice could play a role. This product contains lovas- tatin (with statin being the key part of the word). About 10 years ago, the Food and Drug Administration came down hard on several manufac- turers and has since monitored the market closely. Any red-yeast-rice product found to contain more than "trace" amounts of lovastatin is con- sidered an "unapproved drug" and may be banned. Studies have shown the product does work for some people (despite low statin levels, suggesting something else might be at work), but it may still cause the problems statins cause. Given its unregulated manufacture, there is no way for consumers to know exactly what dosage they are using. Side effects include muscle pain or damage and kidney problems, and it isn't recommended for people with liver disease. I don't think your problem is vas- cular in nature. I suggest you buy a hypoallergenic pillow for your knees. Discontinue the red yeast rice to determine whether the pain subsides, use ice or hot packs, exercise in mod- eration, and attempt to control your cholesterol levels through proper diet. If these recommendations fail to pro- vide relief, request a second opinion. To provide related information, I am sending you a copy of my Health Report "Understanding Cholesterol." Other readers who would like a copy should send a self-addressed stamped No. 10 envelope and a $2 check or money order to Newsletter, P.O. Box 167, Wickliffe, OH 44092. Be sure to mention the title. Dr. Peter Gott is a retired physician and the author of the book "Dr. Gott's No Flour, No Sugar Diet," available at most chain and independent bookstores, and the recently published "Dr. Gott's No Flour, No Sugar Cookbook." Leg pain is troublesome Dr. Peter Gott