Up & Coming Weekly

FEB. 24 - MARCH 2, 2010 UCW 23 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS Panic Womb Your advice to "Shell-Shocked," the guy with the "baby crazy" wife, ignored how he obviously hasn't read much about preg- nancy at 40-plus. At 42, this woman's lucky if she gets pregnant at all, and she's stuck with a guy who wants to "wait." If they want kids, they can't wait a single day. A female friend, faced with similar situation with her husband, independently went out and had IVF with a sperm donor -—while staying married. The husband dealt with it. — Well Read When people talk about marriage as a partnership, they mean two people making decisions together, not one person announcing to the other, "I'm going out for a cup of some other guy's sperm. Deal with it." You signed yourself "Well Read," apparently because you caught the bit about this woman wanting a baby and, well, read no further. If you had, you'd know the problem isn't that Mr. Shell- Shocked hasn't done his homework on the joys of spawning with older eggs, but that he's married to a shrieking psycho who's always been about two loose screws from holding him down and strangling him with her fallopian tubes. Raising kids — "the toughest job you'll ever SAY you love" — tests the emotionally healthy, let alone the obviously unhinged. Like me, Mr. and Mrs. Shell-Shocked's therapist believes you don't have kids first and resolve Mommy's mental health issues later. I told Mr. S to have no part of enabling his whack-job wife to become a mom, which means getting out before she gets her paws on his sperm. Sadly, once you've got that, all you need to give birth are working ovaries and such (only when you try to adopt do they do background checks and a psych evaluation). But, hey, what about her biological clock? Sorry, that's just the breaks. A guy doesn't say, "Gee, I think I'll become a cage fighter at 58." Sometimes life passes you by, and you need to admit that. I'm guessing she bought into the feminist propaganda that you can "have it all," then spent a couple decades trying to do that. I am of the mind that women who want kids should establish themselves in careers first in case they get left or widowed, but you also don't wait to start a family until you hear your ovaries yelling "Last call!" As for your friend who trotted off to commit turkey-baster adultery, it's dicey enough for a relationship when a guy comes home to some cutesy couch the wife blew his bonus money on. But, a blanket or throw-thingie will cover up a country-kitsch sofa. And yeah, it's sure to be a continuing money drain — but 11 cents here, 36 cents there, between the crevices, not $208,000 for four years at Brown. So, what if your girlfriend's kid has some birth defect (more likely in pregnancies of women over 40), or is autistic? Lifetime care for somebody with autism can cost $3.2 million, according to Harvard School of Public Health's Michael Ganz. If a husband is included in the decision to have a kid, and the kid turns out to be autistic, well, that's rough, but... if you wouldn't mind having supper ready, Daddy'll be home from the office when he's 190. A husband like your friend's, on the other hand, might find himself somewhat less motivated in the face of "Awwww, the baby looks just like his...well, some kid who put himself through college by going into a room with a dirty magazine and a Dixie cup." Amy Alkon WEEKLY HOROSCOPE THIS WEEK in the STARS www.Astrology-101.com ARIES - March 21 thru April 20 Opportunities are excellent for increasing your earning capabilities at workplace. Updating your expertise at a community college is like putting money in the bank. TAURUS - April 21 thru May 21 Romantic and creative interests are spotlight- ed by the Full Moon. Getting more fun out of life should be this weeks priority. Joining new groups will widen your horizons. GEMINI - May 22 thru June 21. Focus your attention on your Career or Business matters. Favorable aspects from your ruling planet (Mercury) works in your behalf in times of great change. CANCER - June 22 thru July 23 An "acre of diamonds" may be right under your feet. Dig a little deeper! New opportu- nities are all around you. Renew some of the contacts you've seen in the past few months. LEO - July 24 thru August 23 Full Moon in Money sector could bring more support for new opportunities Pro- mote what you do best for rewards and more recognition. VIRGO - August 24 thru Sept 23 Your sign plays host to this week's Full Moon. Your special abilities are better than you think. This is a time to accentuate and further the positive things in your life. LIBRA - Sept 24 thru Oct 23 Adaptable Mercury moves thru Work sector. Time is right to utilize talents and abilities on the job. Don't allow others to hold you back. Success is in your stars! SCORPIO - Oct 24 thru Nov 22 A most favorable period. Whatever you have been hoping for could come to pass. Mingle with positive people as Full Moon activates your Wish fulfi llment sector. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23 thru Dec 21 Full Moon may bring favorable answers as it moves thru your Career sector. Welcome an opportunity to explore new horizons. Benefi t from times of change CAPRICORN - Dec 22 thru Jan 20 Educational updates may open new doors in times of change. You're never too old to learn something new. Travel may bring new opportunities. AQUARIUS - Jan 21 thru Feb 19 A good time for reassessing your earning ability as Mercury planet of innovation moves thru your money sector. A fi nancial gain is in your stars. PISCES - Feb 20 thru March 20 Expect new opportunities to improve your po- sition with good aspects to your ruling planet (Neptune). Believe in your abilities to succeed and you will. NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD White People in Turmoil: April Gaede, who four years ago guided her teenage daughters, Lynx and Lamb (performing as "Prussian Blue"), to a brief music career singing neo-Nazi songs, announced a new project recently on the white nationalist Web site Stormfront.org. She offers a no-fee matchmaking service to fertile Aryans, hoping to encourage marriage and baby-making — to help white people keep up with rapidly procreating minorities. [Southern Poverty Law Center News, 1-25-10] Don "Moose" Lewis announced plans in January for a 12-city pro basketball league composed only of white players (natural- born U.S. citizens, whose parents are both Caucasian). Lewis denied any "racism," explaining to the Augusta (Ga.) Chronicle that whites simply like "fundamental" basketball and not "street ball" ("fl ipping you off or attacking you in the stands or grabbing their crotch"). [Augusta Chronicle, 1-19-10] Cultural Diversity Computer-obsessed Japanese nerds' latest fancy is Love Plus, a Nintendo DS dating simulation that allows them a young, attractive, mouthy, teenage digital "girlfriend" who begs for attention. The touch-screen lover demands hand-holding, kissing and having sweet nothings whispered in her ear. How can men so easily become addicted to such vicarious experiences? Said one reluctant player, "Koh," to the BoingBoing blog,"(It) comes down to the fact that men are simple." (In December, Reuters reported that Japanese player SAL9000 had eloped to the Philippines with his Love Plus girlfriend, had himself photographed with her at romantic sites — clutching the screen showing her image — and then took her through a marriage ceremony.) [LiveScience.com, 11-13-09; BoingBoing.net, 10-27-09] [Reuters, 12- 20-09] As vultures approach extinction in South Africa, they grow in value among local "traditional" communities for their magical abilities. Specks of a vulture's brain, sprinkled on mud and smoked, can supposedly ward off evil and bring winning lottery numbers. One Johannesburg vendor told Agence France-Presse in December that the specks even work when daubed on dogs' noses, enabling them to extend their already formidable scenting power. [Agence France- Presse, 12-27-09] Latest Religious Messages A Montana-based sect is fi ghting to remain viable, six months after the death of its "Mother," the Jesus-channeling Elizabeth Clare Prophet. Several aspirants have tried to claim her mantle, but the sect's council of elders found them all to be charlatans, and membership rolls have dwindled. The church was similarly challenged in 1990, when Mother forecast nuclear doomsday and fi nanced the construction of large underground bunkers on a mountainside north of Yellowstone National Park (which are still available). The council is having trouble, especially, fi nding volunteers to transcribe the 22,000 hours of video and audio in which Mother set out the justifi cations for the sect. [Columbia (Mo.) Daily Tribune-AP, 11-6-09] COPYRIGHT 2010 CHUCK SHEPHERD

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