Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
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JUNE 1-7, 2016 UCW 31 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS You're The None For Me You'll probably think I'm messing with you, but I swear I'm not. I am a man who has no desire to have sex. I was married, but after my wife got pregnant with our second (planned) child, we never had sex again. I just had — and have — no desire to do anything sexually with another person. I have now been divorced for 11 years and celibate for almost 21. Since my divorce, I have never hooked up or even gone on a date. I don't want to. Sometimes, I have an urge to masturbate, but I have no desire to involve anybody else. I simply don't get why there is all this kerfuffle about sex. I see no reason to ever have sex again. — Curious As To Your Reaction Assuming you've been checked out by a doctor for any possible medical issues, chances are you're "ace" — as people who are asexual like to call themselves. Asexuality is a sexual orientation — that of a person who, as social psychologist Anthony Bogaert puts it, has "a lack of sexual attraction or desire for others." Asexuality is pretty uncommon. According to a survey that Bogaert did in the U.K., maybe 1 percent of the population has an asexual orientation. (This estimate may be on the low side, as it was done in 2004, long before the varieties of sexuality and gender began rivaling the choices in the salad bar at Souplantation.) Asexuality plays out in varied ways. Some asexuals lack any interest in sex, finding it about as appealing as having another person stick a finger up their nose repeatedly (while panting, moaning, and shrieking in ecstasy). Others sometimes have urges for sexual release; they just have no desire to expand their dating pool beyond their hand. So, while sexual attraction involves noticing another person and wanting to do all sorts of sex things with them, asexuals might find a person aesthetically pleasing but are generally as sexually interested in them as most of us would be in an adding machine or a potato. Clinical psychologist Lori Brotto explains that asexuality doesn't meet the psychiatric bible's criteria for an arousal disorder — physiological impairment or distress at the lack of attraction to others. Research by Brotto and others also finds that asexuals, in general, don't seem any crazier than the rest of us and have normal hormone levels and normal arousability, reflected in erectile function and vaginal lubrication. As one asexual put it: "I did, you know, test the equipment…and everything works fine, pleasurable and all; it's just not actually attracted to anything.'' As for your situation, if you don't feel there's anything missing from your life, well, yay for you. But consider the "self-expansion" model for romantic relationships, by psychologist Arthur Aron and his colleagues. It confirms what many of us intuitively understand: In addition to the ways a relationship challenges people emotionally, it expands who they are as individuals through exposure to their partner's ideas, identity, possessions, and social circle. Copyright Amy Alkon WEEKLY HOROSCOPES NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD Researchers at t he Universit y of Illinois at Urbana-Champaig n announced t hey had recent ly (a f irst , t hey claimed) t ransmit ted high-speed dig it a l dat a t hrough slabs of pork loin and beef liver. T he sig na l cleared t he muscle and g r ist le so cleanly t hat it per mit ted st reaming of high- def init ion v ideo — enough to watch Net f li x , said t he lead researcher. (Ac t ua lly, t he advance is cr ucia l in t hat it a llows a pat ient to swa llow a t ransmit ter and for physicians to monitor inner work ings of t he body in rea l t ime and ex ter na lly cont rol implanted dev ices such as crania l sensors and def ibr illators.) [ Eng ineer ing at Illinois press release, 4-18-2016] Can't Possibly Be Tr ue Relig ious leaders associated w it h t he "quiver f ull" minist r y announced intent ions for a November ret reat t his year in Wichit a, K ansas, at which parent s w ill meet to plan "ar ranged" Chr ist ian mar r iages for t heir prepubescent daughters, to ma x imize t he f ut ure couples' childbear ing potent ia l — supposedly t he No. 1 pr ior it y of a ll fema les. Quiver-f ull ac t iv ist Vaughn Ohlman has w r it ten t hat fema le fer t ilit y is opt ima l dur ing t heir teens (ac t ua lly, just af ter age 12) and drops of f in t heir 20s. T he loc a l dist r ic t at tor ney, quer ied by T he Wichit a Eagle, said such mar r iages are lega l as long as a ll par t ies consent — but Ohlman has maint ained t hat t he Bible does not require t he br ide's consent if her fat her has g iven his. [Wichita Eagle, 5-5-2016] Apparent ly, Japanese t aste buds easily become bored, for manufac t urers seem eager to create ex t ravagant food combinat ions to sat isf y t hem t hat might prove daunt ing to most A mer ic ans. T he latest ex hibit: t he familiar K it K at chocolate-coated wafer — but w it h t he t aste of r ipe melon and cheese (specif ic a lly, "Hok k aido Melon Wit h Masc ar pone Cheese" ). A s Japanese foodies k now, K it K at s in Japan come in at least 15 coat ings, according to a 2013 rev iew by Kot a k u.com, including Edamame Soybean, Pur ple Sweet Pot ato, Hot Japanese Chili, Matcha-Green Tea, Wasabi and Red Bean Sandw ich. [London Daily Mirror, 5-2-2016] [ Kot a k u.com, 2- 11-2013] COPY R IGHT CHUCK SHEPPA R D ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 Aries, you may desire to be somewhere else this week, but responsibilities keep you close to home. You can still have a good time and make lasting memories. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 Taurus, you initially felt good about choices you just made a few days ago, but now youÕre not so sure. Ask around for advice before making any final decision. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 Lately you are more willing to take risks, Gemini. ItÕs fine to want to try new things, but always let reason guide you. You do not want to bite off more than you can chew. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 Cancer, the solution to a lingering problem is on the horizon, and you will get some closure. This week you will push past it all and finally move on. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 Leo, realizing your dreams is fully within your capabilities. Make a commitment now and stick with it. You have to work hard to get what you desire, but itÕs within reach. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Virgo, after running the show, itÕs now time to hand over the reins to someone else. Surrender some control and enjoy this respite from being the go-to guy or gal. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Libra, your energy is focused on too many things at the moment. Focus your attention on just one thing for the time being, and your main goal will be realized. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 Scorpio, you may not be up to too many trivial tasks right now, so immerse yourself in a creative project thatÕs more about the big picture than the small details. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 Sagittarius, you may have reached a turning point in a romantic relationship. Now is the time to fan those flames so that the relationship can grow into something special. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 Keep riding this creative wave you seem to be on, Capricorn. It will take you far and in many different directions. Trust in your dreams and put a plan to realize them into action. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 Aquarius, assert yourself a little more at work so that you get the respect and the recognition you deserve. When you state your case, others will see your perspective. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 Pisces, you tend to see the best in everyone and that is why you are such a good friend to so many people. Maintain your positive outlook. Amy Alkon