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Tuesday, May 22, 2012 – Daily News FEATURES Upset over brother's low ambitions Dear Annie: My brother and sis- ter and I had an amazing childhood. Our parents stressed the importance of hard work and edu- cation. The three of us got advanced degrees, and my sis- ter and I entered the workforce after graduation. admit that I'm a bit jealous that Den- nis gets handed to him the same things my sister and I have to work so hard for. same servers then bring menus, water or drinks to the next table without washing their hands. Annie's ''Dennis,'' however, seems content to live with my parents, working a seasonal minimum-wage job. He was unable to find employ- ment when he graduated and has not bothered to look since. That was seven years ago. Our brother, Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar They cook for him and take him on weekend excursions. They pay a por- tion of his student loan bills. Dennis doesn't seem to have any ambition to move forward. It has created a lot of resentment. My parents do not charge him rent. I will be bringing my fiance to visit my parents for the first time, and we will be staying with them. I'm already dreading it. My fiance says to bite my tongue, that it's my parents' decision. But every time I see them, I notice how they have aged. Any sugges- tions? — Frustrated in Ft. Worth Dear Frustrated:You need to fol- Please, people, be considerate. — No Name, Please, Some of These People Are My Friends Dear No: It is both crass and rude The last time I saw Dennis, he made a snarky comment when I revealed that I was a month behind in my mortgage payment. I was amazed at his nerve, and it resulted in no con- tact between us for almost a year. Resentment is also building toward my parents for continuing to allow him to mooch off of them. They are now in their 60s and nearing retire- ment. They deserve better. And I LONDON (AP) — Her sons were blessed with musical gifts that brought riches and fame. On Mon- day Barbara Gibb was living a parent's ultimate night- mare — preparing, for the third time, to lay a child to rest. low your fiance's advice and bite your tongue. This is your parents' choice. The best you can do is be supportive of their needs, perhaps gently pointing out that they are crippling their son by allowing him to be so financially dependent. And perhaps stay some- where else when you visit. Also con- sider that Dennis may have undiag- nosed adult ADD or other psychiatric or medical problems that are interfer- ing with his ambition. We feel sorry for him. When your folks are no longer around to enable him, he will be in serious trouble. Dear Annie: Can I use your col- umn to register a complaint? I'm talk- ing about people in restaurants who use napkins, either cloth or paper, to blow their nose and then put the nap- kin back on the table or plate. This is so disgusting. It's not only rude to their fellow diners, but also disrespect- ful to the people who have to clear the table and pick up the germ-filled nap- kins. And it's quite likely that these Her son Robin Gibb — a Bee Gees founder known for his astonishing vocals and songwriting skills — died Sunday after a long bat- tle with cancer at the age of 62. exposed to music at an early age because their father was a bandleader and a drummer and their mother had experi- ence as a singer. They started singing pro- fessionally as teenagers, moving within a few short years to prominence first in Australia, then throughout the world. to use any table napkin to blow one's nose. A small dab (with a tissue or handkerchief) is fine, but major nose blowing should be confined altogether to the restroom. Dear Annie: I agree with your advice to ''Dumped Upon,'' whose mother-in-law badmouths her ex. My mother often maligned my father to my brother and me after their divorce and even after his death. Her words made me dislike being around her. My sister-in-law told me I must stand up to her. I prayed about this problem. The next time she started in on my father, I said to her: ''I am sorry your marriage to your husband was not all you wanted it to be, but I loved my father and found him to be loving and caring. I have fond memories of him. Please never say another bad word about him to my brother or me.'' After that, she no longer mentioned him. I am — Grateful Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. Gibb matriarch loses third son with Robin's death Earlier, she had lost her sons Andy Gibb, a pop idol who died in 1988 at age 30 from a heart ailment, and Maurice Gibb, a member of the Bee Gees and Robin's twin, who died in 2003 of acute intestinal problems. Several months before his death, Robin Gibb told a British newspaper that he sometimes wondered if the family is paying a ''karmic price'' for the Bee Gee's mind-blowing success. And friends of Barbara Gibb have been quoted as saying she believes the family may be cursed. Gibb family enjoyed remarkable good fortune. The boys were raised in challenging economic cir- cumstances but were Before illness struck, the But the apparent ease of this meteoric rise was fol- lowed by later tragedy. Both Robin and Maurice — the twins — suffered debilitating intestinal prob- lems that led to their prema- ture deaths. Robin suffered from colon cancer and other digestive ailments. He became gaunt even before his cancer diagnosis. Of the four boys Barbara Gibb raised in England and Australia before they became global stars, only Barry, the eldest, is still alive. She also has a daugh- ter living in Australia who has stayed out of the public eye. The family's place in pop history is assured, not only because of the Bee Gees' groundbreaking success during the disco era, when they helped define a totally new sound that filled dance halls throughout the world, but also with their success as songwriters and producers. Their career began in Australia in 1963 and saw them score their first major international hits in 1966 and 1967, when their sound was influenced by the suc- cess of the Beatles, who were then topping world- wide charts. They prospered during the disco era, long after the Beatles had broken up in acrimony, and continued to ride a show business wave for several decades after- ward. Former Beatles drummer Ringo Starr said Monday that Robin Gibb and the Bee Gees left an enduring musi- cal legacy. ''God bless him and God bless his family,'' Starr said. ''The Bee Gees from our era were quite important, espe- cially the harmonies. I didn't know him that well, I knew Maurice more than the other two, but he had a great voice and they wrote great songs.'' The group also wrote many hits for other stars, earning substantial royalties when their songs were per- formed by the likes of Dolly Parton, Kenny Rogers, Dionne Warwick and others. The British press has reported that Barbara Gibb, a 91-year-old who lives in California, has been in Eng- land in recent weeks as Robin's condition worsened when he suffered from pneumonia and drifted into a coma. She has made no public statements, and the family, including his widow Dwina and his children, has asked for privacy while they mourn. DEAR DOCTOR K: I'm trying to lose weight, so I've switched to artificial sweeteners. But are they really a good alternative to sugar? DEAR READER: Sugar may be the most important dietary cause of obesity in America today. When you consume it as part of a whole food, such as fruit, it's digested along with other nutrients. These nutrients, such as fiber and antioxidants, help control sugar's effect in your body. But when you add table sugar to a food or beverage, it's stripped of these other nutrients. As a result, the sugar can cause spikes in your blood sugar and insulin. This can pave the way for heart disease, dia- betes and liver damage. The FDA has approved five artificial sweeteners. These are acesulfame, aspartame, neotame, saccharin and sucralose. (Plant- derived stevia is not counted in the same "artificial sweetener" category.) 3B Natural sources of sweetness are better than artificial Dr. K by Anthony L. Komaroff, M.D. eners because they want to lose weight. And in the short term, artif icial sweeteners may help to do just that. Plans for a funeral or memorial service have not been announced. When artificial sweeteners were first introduced, there was concern that they might increase the risk of can- cer. That has never been proven. But artificial sweeteners may cause headaches and other unpleasant reactions in some people. I have a number of patients who drink large amounts of sodas or soft drinks with artificial sweeteners each day. They don't take in many calories, but they sure take in a lot of gas — and their belly responds accordingly. It is not the artificial sweetener that has made them belch, burp and other things. But it has encouraged them to "gas up." Like you, most peo- ple use artificial sweet- there's concern that over the longer term, artificial sweeteners may actually promote weight gain. How so? Artificial sweeteners are hundreds to thousands of times sweeter than table sugar. If you get used to the mega sweet- ness of artificial sweet- eners, then healthful, satisfying foods that are less sweet — such as fruits and vegetables — may not seem sweet enough. You might then respond by not eating enough of these healthy foods. We have more infor- mation on healthy food choices in our Special Health Report, "Healthy Eating: A Guide to the New Nutrition." You can find out more about it at my website, AskDoctorK.com. We describe in detail what foods are healthy and what foods are not. We also teach you how healthy eating can easi- ly be delicious, as well. If artificial sweeten- ers are helping you lose weight right now, that's great. But over time, try to lessen your depen- dence on them. Instead, go for fresh fruit and other natural sources of sweetness. But Dr. Komaroff is a physician and professor at Harvard Medical School. To send questions, go to AskDoctorK.com, or write: Ask Doctor K, 10 Shattuck St., Second Floor, Boston, MA 02115. DONATE YOUR VACATION newspaper dollars to the Newspaper In Education Program Support our classrooms, keep kids reading. 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