Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
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THIS WEEK WITH MARGARET by MARGARET DICKSON THIS WEEK WITH MARGARET Thousands of Friends But No One To Talk To Among the many blessings of my life are my solidly-bonded girlfriends who come from all stages of my life. I see several of my childhood friends — people and their families whom I do not remember not knowing — several times a month. My high-school friends I may see less regularly, but we keep up with each other and generally have no trouble reconnecting when we do cross paths. I recently took an overseas trip with a college friend, and a friend I made during my years in the N.C. General Assembly, whom I count among my dearest friends. Outside of my closest family, these are the people who sustain me and with whom I share my joys, my problems and my life experiences — ordinary and extraordinary. But human relationships can be messy. Not all of them know each other, and some who do, I suspect, may not like each other as much as I love them all. In other words, not all my circles overlap comfortably, even though each is important to me in some way. I cannot imagine my life without any of these deep friendships. I have learned over the years, as well, that friendship takes work. Having a friend means you have to be a friend, one who shares other people's joys, problems and life experiences on their schedules and when they make the effort to reach out. A friend both gives and receives. All of which is surely why the current edition of The Atlantic is so distressing. As these numbers have risen, so have the numbers of people Marche calls "professional carers," various therapists, social workers, life coaches and the like. Apparently, we are now hiring people to care about us instead of doing what people throughout human history have done — caring for family and friends as part of ongoing personal relationships. So is the Internet and all it has brought to us — email, Facebook, Twitter, Google friends and other social networks and communications I do not even know about — causing loneliness at the same time it is supplying us with instant access to all our friends? Marche says no, and I agree. Social media provides a wonderful set of tools. Its cover photograph is of a couple embracing, she with her head on his shoulder, eyes closed, and he with his arm around her while his real attention is riveted on his glowing smart phone screen, which she does not see. The accompanying article by Stephen Marche is entitled "Is Facebook Making Us Lonely?" Just reading the article made me feel lonely. So much of modern culture — cars, suburbs, changes in traditional family structures — have conspired to make us more alone, if not actually more lonely, and communication technology is ramping that up exponentially. Marche, a regular columnist for Esquire, tosses out some numbers I did not know. A 2010 AARP survey found that of people 45 and older, 35-percent of them reported being chronically lonely as opposed to only 20 percent just 10 years earlier. Alarmingly, at least to me, another study found that in 1985, 10 percent of Americans said they had no one to talk to about important matters, but by 2004, that sad number had risen to 25 percent. The latest issue of The Atlantic features a story on social media and its impact on the lives of those who not only survive but thrive in its environment. pretty picture but one which I will be pondering for some time as our world continues to move faster and faster. asked me to read something she has written and to respond it. Her manuscript has been on my bedside table so long now that I barely see it, but Marche has pushed it front and center. Within a week, it will be read, and I will have called her fi rst, and then sent my written comments by email. She is, after all, my friend, and I want to remain hers. An old and dear high-school friend from the other side of North Carolina One good thing will come from this, though. Margaret Dickson, Columnist, Up & Coming Weekly. COMMENTS? Editor@upandcomingweekly.com. It provides us instant connections, and allow us to share our lives with others and to know about their lives as well. It can be a window on the world for people who are not mobile for whatever reason. But what it provides is simply tools, nothing more. It does not create or sustain meaningful human relationships, and these cyber relationships are no substitute for spending real time with real people or for the warmth of a hug from someone dear. Says Sherry Turkle in her book, Alone Together, "The ties we form through the Internet are not, in the end, the ties that bind. But they are the ties that preoccupy." Marche has a great deal more to say, as well, especially on how what he calls the "epidemic of loneliness" is affecting those of us in the Western industrialized world, pushing us toward self- centeredness and narcissism. As Turkle puts it, "Curating the exhibition of the self has become a 24/7 occupation." It is not a 20 Countdown Magazine Adventures in Odyssey Focus on the Family Contest & Request Line: 910-764-1073 Keeping the Main Thing ... the Main Thing. visit us online www.christian107.com 8 UCW APRIL 18-24, 2012 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM