Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/619254
DECEMBER 23-29, 2015 UCW 19 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM ADVICE GODDESS A Man Walks into a Barnacle I'm a 43-year-old man, and I'm trying to build my career after years of being a stay-at-home dad. I got involved very quickly with a woman I met online, but the truth is that she's just not smart enough for me. I feel bad because she's very sweet, but I'd rather devote my time to my work. I've tried to break up with her numerous times, but she just doesn't seem to get it. I'll tell her I really need time to myself, but she'll still call incessantly. How do you tell somebody it's over in a way that is kind but gets through to them? — I'm Done Welcome to the rose-colored distorto- vision of being "optimistically biased" — succumbing to the human tendency to see what's positive instead of what's realistic. Evolutionary biologist Robert Trivers explains in "The Folly of Fools" that we "protect our happiness via self-deception." We have a "psychological immune system" that works "not by fixing what makes us unhappy but by … minimizing it and lying about it." Neuroscientist Tali Sharot finds from her brain imaging research that having a distortedly positive view comes out of what she calls "selective updating." When our brain gets information that things are going to be better than expected, it's all, "Yes, sir, we'll send that around." But information that things will be worse than expected? That gets kicked under the bed — or would if the brain had feet and slept in a bed. There is another possibility here. Even if your girlfriend's intelligence level leaves you confused about whether to take her to dinner or just water her and put her in indirect sunlight, she may be what I call instinctually smart. Possibly, it's clear to her that you want to end it but she's ignoring that in hopes of wearing you down. Regardless of the reason she's still hanging around, the only way to change that is by telling her that you two are done, using very direct language, like, "I'm sorry, but it's over between us. I am breaking up with you." Should she keep contacting you, make it similarly clear that there's no room at the inn for hope. This is actually the kind way to break up with a refuse-to-believe-er — being momentarily cruel, ideally as soon as you realize it's over. In other words, putting your girlfriend out of her misery starts with putting her through it — pronto. Keep merely hinting that it's over and, well, if an asteroid destroyed life on earth as we know it, three things would survive: cockroaches, the Kardashians, and your relationship. Copyright Amy Alkon WEEKLY HOROSCOPES NEWS OF THE WEIRD by CHUCK SHEPPARD In November, lawyer Michael Petersen of Appleton, Wisconsin, was ordered by county judge Philip Kirk (in a sentence for contempt of court) to inform every client he acquires in the following 12 months that Petersen is a "crook," "cheat," "thief " and "liar." Kirk concluded that Peterson had lied about a plea deal with the prosecutor and created phony documents for backup, leading a client to plead guilty to armed robbery when the prosecutor said there was never such a deal. According to the Appleton Post Crescent, Kirk (after dressing down Petersen in colorful language) told him, "I want you to have as much business as a pimp in a nursing home." [Appleton Post Crescent, 11-19-2015] Can't Possibly Be True Pastor Thom Miller, 60 (of the United Christian Ministries International in Mansfield, Ohio), told an international news crew recently that he had "married" his 19-year-old pregnant girlfriend (Reba Kerfoot), but that some in his congregation disapprove — because Miller is already married (though his incumbent wife, Belinda, 44, apparently does approve). Said Belinda, "Thom is the love of my life and Reba is the blessing of my life, so it all works." Said Miller, "Sexually I have no preference and look forward to my time alone with both wives." (Bonuses: (1) Miller was an enforcer for organized crime in Cleveland until he "found God" in prison. (2) He is annoyed that Ohio recognizes same-sex marriage but not polygamy. (3) The local Mansfield News Journal was apparently scooped on the story but is now catching up.) [Mansfield News Journal, 12-1-2015] Mexican artist Renato Garza Cervera's work usually involves realistic-looking figures created to startle (e.g., a "piggy bank" as a scowling hog of a man down on all fours), but his recent "gang member" floor rugs seem a career peak. Rejecting bear rugs and lion rugs, Cervera's "Of Genuine Contemporary Beast" project features exquisitely constructed, life-size, snarling, naked, heavily tattooed men's bodies (as if skinned) as rugs, representing "modern" beasts -- Salvadorean gang members. Actually, Cervera told Vice.com he intended sympathy: "Societies always invent new beasts in order to make others responsible for their problems." [Vice.com, 9-3-2015] 2015]COPYRIGHT CHUCK SHEPPARD ARIES - Mar 21/Apr 20 Think about ideas for the future if what you are doing right now does not seem very exciting to you, Aries. A new plan of attack can reinvigorate your motivation. TAURUS - Apr 21/May 21 Taurus, focus your energy on home-related projects. Procrastination is your enemy in these circumstances and can staunch any productivity you may have achieved. GEMINI - May 22/Jun 21 Gemini, there is a way out of every situation, even if it seems like all exits are blocked. Swallow your pride if need be and accept the help of others when it's offered. CANCER - Jun 22/Jul 22 Cancer, you will be getting a lot of help with a special project, so expect it to go quite smoothly. Just be sure to pay back the favor when you can. LEO - Jul 23/Aug 23 Leo, a new perspective could help you see that things you thought were a big deal are really mole hills instead of mountains, and that's an important lesson to learn. VIRGO - Aug 24/Sept 22 Virgo, learn how to deal with conflict in a productive way. Otherwise you may be stressed out and full of angst for no reason at all. LIBRA - Sept 23/Oct 23 Somehow you always manage to pull through even with a ton of things on your plate, Libra. Even though you are successful, remember to schedule some downtime once in awhile. SCORPIO - Oct 24/Nov 22 Don't get caught daydreaming too much this week, Scorpio. People at work may think you're not serious about your efforts when nothing could be further from the truth. SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23/Dec 21 Sagittarius, expect to spend some money this week. Just how much you will spend depends on your ability to find the best bargains and discounts. CAPRICORN - Dec 22/Jan 20 It can be frustrating when others do not seem to understand your motives, Capricorn. Don't feel pressured to change your way of doing things, especially if it's working. AQUARIUS - Jan 21/Feb 18 Aquarius, something you have been looking forward to for some time is about to happen. It has been a long time coming but entirely worth it. Enjoy the ride. PISCES - Feb 19/Mar 20 Pisces, stick up for yourself when you need to. You are your biggest advocate, and you will present a strong front when feeling secure. Amy Alkon Chuck Sheppard