Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/54899
Wednesday, February 8, 2012 – Daily News 5A FEATURES Bridegroom's behavior becomes baffling Dear Annie: I have been married to "Clifford'' for 36 years. He recently told me he is in love with his secre- tary and wants to be with her. Did I mention she is 23 and in the process of getting a divorce? Clifford is the last person I would have expected to do this. I know I can be diffi- cult, but he's not perfect, either. I love him and thought he felt the same. He says he doesn't know whom he wants to be with, but he spends all his time with his girlfriend, so I don't have much of a chance of get- ting him back. We have two grown children who are totally disillusioned and disap- pointed in their father. Do I wait for him to decide? For how long? — Crushed Heart Dear Crushed: See a lawyer immediately. Whatever Clifford decides, you must protect yourself financially in the interim. Make the necessary arrangements to manage on your own should that turn out to be the case. We also recommend you get some counseling to help you deal with the uncertainty of your situation and prepare for the possibility that your marriage is over. How long you are willing to stay in limbo is up to you, but don't feel pressured to rush into anything. Clifford may ask for a divorce, he might return to you, or you could get tired of waiting and want out. Dear Annie: My husband and I both work and make good incomes. Annie's Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar He has two daughters, now aged 16 and 19, and I have been their stepmom for 12 years. I love them dearly. Last Christmas, each child received nearly $400 in cash gifts from the extended family. A week later, both girls saw jackets they wanted. I said we would pay half and they could use some of their Christmas money to con- tribute the other half. One chose to buy a $140 jacket. The other decided not to buy any- thing. I find that they are choosier when they chip in. My husband was irked that I required them to pay half. He prefers that they have minimal financial pressure so they can con- centrate all their time and effort on schoolwork and not worry about getting a job. What do you think? — Stepmom Dear Stepmom: We've got your back on this one. It's not as if the girls needed the money to buy food. Asking them to help pay for nonessential luxury items, especial- ly when they have plenty of cash to do so, teaches them something about financial responsibility and delayed gratification. Overindul- gence, no matter how tempting, may make the parents feel good, but it can cripple the children in the long run. Dear Annie: ''Understands in Nebraska'' was the most recent of several letters from women who have lost their desire for sex and can't understand why their hus- bands still want intimacy. That was me a few years ago. I had no desire for sex, but com- plied, as I felt it was my ''duty.'' Eight years ago, we moved to a new city, which meant new doctors. I found a wonderful ob-gyn who was compassionate and intuitive. She asked about my libido, and I told her the truth. She explained in depth about how hormones can become depleted after menopause. I had taken synthetic hormones, but stopped due to health concerns. She said they now have safer alterna- tives and suggested I try a low dose. Of course, there is always a slight risk involved with any medication, but I was willing to try. That first month was amazing. Not only did I have more energy, but my libido came back and sex was better than ever. I want these women to know they can feel healthy and energetic again. Bio- identical hormones and testosterone changed my life. — Still Frisky at 60 Dear Frisky: Thanks for the tes- timonial. Readers should under- stand that bio-identical hormones are still hormones, and everyone reacts differently. Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. Parade entry forms now available Red Bluff-Tehama County Chamber of Com- merce announces the theme for the 2012 Red Bluff Round-Up Parade is Kids & Cowboys. The parade is sched- uled for 10 a.m. Saturday, April 21 in downtown Red Bluff. Those interested in promoting an organiza- tion, youth group, service club or business are encouraged to use Kids & Cowboys as inspiration for an entry. The cost is $25 per float if submitted prior to the April 1 deadline and $40 for late entries. There is no charge for those volunteer- ing to be pooper scoopers. Special recognition will be presented to Band Sweepstakes, Equestrian Sweepstakes, Commit- tee's Choice, Pooper Scoopers and Best Depic- tion of Theme. Trophies awarded for 1st and 2nd place in each category. For more information and an entry form, send an email to info@red- bluffchamber.com or call 527-6220. Love your pet by quitting smoking Valentine's Day is a traditional time to show love for the special people in our lives, but what about our pets? Our animals give us their unconditional love, and in, return, we can show our love for them by quitting smoking this Feb. 14. During the month of February, veterinary offices in Tehama County and throughout the north state are ask- ing their clients about tobacco use in their homes and informing pet owners that they can protect their pets from the harmful effects of secondhand smoke if fami- ly members quit or choose to smoke away from their animals. Veterinary offices will have fact sheets and pam- phlets with information about the effects of secondhand smoke and about how to get help to quit smoking by Hope for the End Bible Prophecy Seminars Tuesday-Wednesday-Friday-Saturday Sunday Evenings 7:00-8:00pm Wednesday's Topic "Fitness for the Crisis" Please Join Us Seventh-day Adventist Church 720 South Jackson St. Red Bluff Showing Live Via Satellite calling the free California Smokers' Helpline at 1-800- NO-BUTTS. Information and materials are being pro- vided by the Tehama County Tobacco Education Pro- gram, the North State Tobacco Education & Prevention Partnership (NSTEPP) and the Northern California Veterinary Medical Association. For more information, see your participating local vet or call the Tehama County Health Services Agency, Public Health Division, Tobacco Education at (530) 527-6824 or 1-800-655-6854. Male hot flashes mean low testosterone DEAR DOC- TOR K: I'm a 75- year-old man who recently under- went prostate can- cer surgery. I've begun to have what I think are hot flashes. I'm baffled, because I thought hot flash- es were a female problem. Could I be having male hot flash- es? Dr. K by Anthony L. Komaroff, M.D. DEAR READER: In short, the answer is yes. As with hot flashes in women, sex hormones are to blame. Women get hot flashes at menopause, when their estrogen levels drop. In men, the problem is testosterone, a type of hor- mone called an androgen. More specifically, declin- ing testosterone levels can lead to hot flashes in men. In women, estrogen levels drop dramatically after age 50. But for men, declining testosterone lev- els start as early as age 30 and slowly fall throughout a man's life. By age 70, more than half of men are testosterone-deficient. This deficiency is responsible for menopause-like symp- toms in some men, and these can include hot flashes. It's difficult to predict which men will have these symptoms, though. Some men with what appear to be low lev- els of testosterone don't have symptoms, although many men with low testosterone levels have hot flashes. And some men with what appear to be "normal" levels do have hot flashes. So the correlation is not perfect. Other symptoms besides hot flashes are caused by low levels of testosterone — sometimes called "low T." If in addi- tion to the hot flashes you also have little energy, low sex drive, poor-quality erections and your mus- cles seem to be shrinking, you may have low T. As a prostate cancer patient, you're at higher risk for hot flashes. This is especially true if you are receiving androgen depriva- tion therapy as part of your treat- ment, because it lowers your testosterone lev- els. Testosterone spurs the growth of many prostate cancer cells. Therefore, treat- ments that lower testos- terone levels are often given to men with prostate cancer. Your doctor can mea- sure the testosterone in your blood to see if your hot flashes are caused by low testosterone or some other condition. If it turns out that they are due to low testosterone, there are a few treatments that might help you. Testosterone replace- ment therapy (TRT) can restore normal levels and reduce hot flashes. Howev- er, this is not an option for you. Because testosterone encourages prostate cancer cell growth, it should be used only by men without prostate cancer. A possible option for men like you with prostate cancer is female hor- mones. That may sound weird, but research shows they are highly effective. Also, the doses of female hormones used typically do not produce adverse effects. There are also non-hor- mone options. Certain anti-depressants and the anti-seizure medication gabapentin have been proved effective in treat- ing hot flashes. Your hot flashes are likely related to your prostate cancer treat- ments, but this doesn't mean you're stuck with them. Talk to your doctor about which treatment might be best at stopping them. Dr. Komaroff is a physician and professor at Harvard Medical School. Go to his website to send questions and get additional information: www.AskDoctorK.com. Book in Common event As part of activities supplementing the reading of this year's community book-in-common, Dave Eggers' "Zeitoun," Butte College is organizing a local Levee Walk on Saturday, Feb. 11. "Come tour the local levee and talk with experts in biology, the Sacramento River Preser- vation Trust, and flood control engineering," said event coordinator Suzanne Gripenstraw. The walk, which will be from 1-3 p.m., will be led by Butte College biology professor Mike Williams. "People interested in participating in this infor- mative walk should meet to car pool at the Chico Park-n-Ride (east side of Hwys 99 and 32) at 12:45 p.m.," noted Gripenstraw. "Zeitoun," by Dave Eggers, tells the story of the Zeitoun family and their experiences follow- ing the levee breaks in New Orleans. For more information on the walk contact Williams at 895-2252 or Gripenstraw at 879-6136.