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2B Daily News – Thursday, December 29, 2011 FEATURES In-law's insults induce immense ire Dear Annie: I have been with my husband, "Andrew,'' for 10 years. During this time, I have witnessed the way he is treated by his stepmother. His father always defended his wife when she insulted or hurt Andrew, saying "she didn't mean it that way.'' Believe me, she always said exactly what she meant. This woman is emotion- Wisconsin Dear Wisconsin: People Annie's Mailbox ally abusive. She told Andrew from a young age that he couldn't be her husband's son because they look nothing alike. She claims he deserved her treat- ment because he was bratty as a child. Andrew says he was probably acting out because his biological mother left him, and he didn't want to be close to another person who could break his heart. Last year, we decided to move closer to the family to help patch things up, but things did not go as planned. In fact, it got worse. Andrew finally had the guts to tell his stepmother how she has made him feel all these years. I also spoke my mind to defend my husband because someone needed to be on Andrew's side for once. So we basically have been by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar rift. Dear Annie: My out-of-work, depressed, alcoholic, diabetic hus- band rarely leaves the house. He has no friends and no hobbies, but he is well informed and has an opinion on everything, so he subjects us to unending tirades. He spouts that he is qualified to do any job, and yet he won't lift a finger to get one or take a class to improve his skills. He eats, sleeps, watches TV and reads the newspaper. He takes no interest in the children at all. We are deeply in debt due to his unemploy- ment. I do not want to stay, but can- not afford to leave. Please help. — Forlorn kicked out of the family. It says in the Bible to "honor thy mother and father,'' but we are struggling with this. I believe in forgiveness, but does that mean we pretend like nothing happened? Why is Andrew being punished for expressing how he feels? — Hurt and Confused in Dear Forlorn: If your husband refuses to help himself, you must do what is best for yourself and your children. Talk to your clergyperson. Ask your doctor for assistance. Contact Al-Anon (al-anon.ala- teen.org) and the American Dia- betes Association (diabetes.org). Are you working outside the home? Can you find a job, even part time, don't want to hear unpleas- ant truths about themselves, especially when they don't much like you to begin with. While your approach seems justified, it doesn't sound especially diplomatic, and this is why the response was so harsh. See if Andrew can get your in-laws to go with him for family counseling. He should say that he loves them and wants to repair this that will help support your family? Would your family be willing to help? Please look into ways to become more financially indepen- dent, while also seeking sources of emotional support. Dear Annie: I am in the same boat as the wife of ''Chagrined in Chicago,'' as are many women. I have absolutely no desire for sex whatsoever. It cannot be aroused by any means. What was once exciting is now uncomfortable and unwanted. I have tried various cures and have submitted in the name of keep- ing a happy marriage, but it is not working. I resent being pushed into trying harder. One of us is going to be ''deprived.'' Why should it be me? I cannot see a happy solution to the problem, but I am so tired of being given suggestions like ''put on your sexiest nightie'' or ''watch an erotic movie together.'' Nature has pulled the plug. Why isn't there a pill to make a man less interested so we are on an even footing? — Arizona Dear Arizona: We know a lot of women who would be quite inter- ested in that pill. Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Animal Island: For birds, rice can be nice By MARC MORRONE Newsday (MCT) Q: My cockatiel was "helping" me prepare dinner one night and she started to nibble on some uncooked white rice. She really liked it. Whenever I take a bag of rice out of the cupboard, she gets all excited. She really wants me to give her some. However, I know at wed- dings we now throw birdseed instead of rice as I am told that if a bird eats uncooked rice, it will swell up inside the bird and hurt it. The rice I give my cockatiel never seems to bother her. I am not sure if I am doing the correct thing by allowing her to eat some every now and then. A: That story about uncooked rice swelling up inside a bird's body to the point of hurting it is just that _ a story. Rice does not expand when swallowed by a bird any more than any other grain a bird may eat. However, since your bird does enjoy the rice so much, I would advise you to buy a bag of all-natural wild rice or brown rice to give her as a treat. It would be more nutritious than pol- ished white rice. ___ Q: You have said many times how impor- tant and helpful it is to feed the wild birds in our backyards, so why is it not legal to feed the birds in our state parks? There are signs all over our parks prohibiting feeding of the birds or other ani- mals under threat of fine or imprisonment. How could something that is so good for animals in one place be so bad in another? A: In our backyards and neighborhoods, where we carefully man- icure the lawns and shrubs in order to keep our property values high, there is very little in the way of natural foods to feed the few species of birds or other wildlife that live there. So this is why a helping hand from us is so welcome and needed. In a state park or wildlife preserve, there is plenty of natural cover and food for the animals that live there, so any supplemental feeding from humans is not needed and actually can harm the wildlife. When wild animals living in a habitat that has not been disturbed by humans become habituated to accepting handouts from visiting humans, they lose their instinctive wildness and no longer can function in their habitat in a natural man- ner. So the rule in any natural setting is to not feed the wildlife for their own good and protec- tion. ___ Q: My ferret gets along just fine with our dogs and plays with them all the time. How- ever when he is let out of his cage, he goes right over to my dogs' dish and crunches down whatever food may be there. It does not seem to bother him and the dogs do not mind sharing, but will eating dog food hurt him in the long term? A: Ferrets have quite different nutritional needs than dogs do. They need quite a bit more protein and fat in their diet than any dog food would provide. They have very small stomachs. If your ferret fills up on dog kibble, he will be eating much less ferret food during the day, and that may be an issue long term. The other problem is that fer- rets have very delicate teeth. Ferret food is manufactured in a way so that their teeth can break it up easily. The hard dog food your pet is crunching down will wear away the enamel on his teeth over time. It's best to just take up your dogs' dishes when your ferret is having out-of- cage playtime. Contact the writer: petxperts2@aol.com Aspirin for heart has risks and benefits DEAR DOC- TOR K: Although some members of my family have heart disease, I haven't been diag- nosed with it. I know people with current cardiovas- cular problems should take aspirin, but should I be tak- ing it to prevent future problems? caused you any symptoms, so your doctor hasn't checked for it. Unfortunately, silent CAD is very common. If your Dr. K by Anthony L. Komaroff, M.D. DEAR READER: Your question seems simple enough. I wish I had a sim- ple answer. The problem is that aspirin, like virtually all medical treatments, has ben- efits and risks. The main risk of aspirin is bleeding. But for people who have heart disease, regularly taking low-dose aspirin definitely reduces the risk of heart attacks in the future. The benefits and risks are differ- ent for one person than for another. For some people, the decision to take aspirin is easy. If a person has coro- nary artery disease — blockage of the arteries of the heart — he or she should take aspirin. The same is true if someone has had the type of stroke caused by a blood clot (called an ischemic stroke). In these cases, the benefits from aspirin are far greater than the risks (unless some- one has an allergy to aspirin, or a bleeding ten- dency). Coronary artery disease (CAD) causes heart attacks, but many people who have this disease have never had a heart attack. If their doctor has told them that they have CAD, they should take aspirin — even if they have never had a heart attack. Why? Because it will great- ly reduce their risk of ever having one. So far, so good. Now comes the more complicat- ed part. You could have CAD, or similar disease of the arteries in the brain (which increases stroke risk), and not know it. You could have what's called "silent" CAD. It hasn't risk of having silent CAD is high, for you the benefits of aspirin are greater than the risks. If your risk of CAD is low, the risks of aspirin are greater than the benefits. In those at low risk, aspirin is more likely to cause bleeding in the stomach, intestines, joints and brain than it is to prevent a heart attack. So how can you tell what your risk of having CAD is? You can actually do a good job of estimating it. We link to several online calculators on the Harvard Health Pub- lications website: health.harvard.edu/147. If you don't use the Web, have someone do it for you. These calculators ask about your age, gender, cho- lesterol, smoking, blood pressure and other risk fac- tors. Using that information, they calculate your risk of having a heart attack in the next 10 years. Recent research suggests that taking aspirin has the most benefit if your 10-year risk is above 10.6 percent. If it is below 6 percent, the benefits are small. My risk is currently 16 percent, and I take a daily aspirin. I also exercise every day and eat healthy — most of the time. But don't start taking aspirin on your own: Talk to your doctor! The risk of bleeding complications from aspirin rises with age. Men are about twice as like- ly as women to have gas- trointestinal bleeding. Your doctor will be able to help you weigh the benefits against the risks. Dr. Komaroff is a physician and professor at Harvard Medical School. Go to his website to send questions and get additional information: www.AskDoctorK.com PATH Winter Shelter Dec. 9-Jan. 6 Church of the Nazarene, 900 Johnson St. Jan. 6-27 First Christian Church, 926 Madison Ave. Jan. 27 - March 2 First Church of God, 1005 S. 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