Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
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Saying Goodbye to 2011 by PITT DICKEY As we reach the end of the year, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires a furtive glance back to the late, great 2011 as it disappears into the rear view mirror of time. Always remember that objects in the mirror are closer than they appear. Is there a pattern we can surmise from the delightful events of 2011 that will help guide our way through the soon to be born 2012? As Curly of the Three Stooges would say, "Why, Soitenly!" The lessons of 2011 are readily discernable. The world is rapidly going to heck in a handbasket. We have reached the Twilight of the Mighty. Let us consider some important folks who have made some interesting career decisions. Begin with Russian Billionaire Mikhail Prokhorov who owns the NBA basketball team the New Jersey Nets. For reasons known only to Mikhail, which probably involve a bit of a death wish, Mikhail has decided to run for President of Russia against the ever smiling Vlad "The Impaler" Putin. Vlad does not really take kindly to rivals. Putin's non-pals seem to end up sitting disheveled and bruised in a large, metal cage in a show trial in Moscow or more likely fl oating upside down in the Volga River suffering from acute lead poisoning. Moral of the story, sell short the stock of any insurance companies that have policies on Mikhail's life. The Euro has decided to go the way of Confederate money. Germany seems to be in charge of Europe for the moment, sending shivers of a Fourth Reich across the Sudentenland. Europe is dancing to Germany's economic tune. Although it is unsettling to visualize Angela Merkel wearing a tiara as Queen of Europe, you should still try to do so. The good news is that Greece is about to put a stop to the return of Deutschland Uber Alles. Greece is the Alpha and Omega of the western world. It is only fi tting that Greece, which began western civilization, should end it by defaulting on its debts thereby pulling the entire world into the Greatest Depression Ever. We shall soon be living in the return of Medieval fun and frolic as the lights go out all over Europe. The U.S. economy will go bottom up after the Euro craters. Citizens of Europe will burn large piles of worthless Euro currency to keep warm after the electricity vanishes. In the U.S., we will burn large piles of Mitt Romney posters to ward off the winter of our discontent. One time Master of the Universe, Jon Corzine did some colorful stuff in 2011. Jon was once a U.S. Senator and Governor of New Jersey. After Jersey voters suggested he fi nd another line of work, he went into the bucolic world of Hedge Fund hijinx and got involved with a sleepy little company called MF Global Fund. Jon fi gured that betting a lot of money on the ability of European governments to repay their debts was going to make him and MF Global a ton of money. Sometimes bets don't always work out. The European bonds sank like Lindsay Lohan's career, taking with them MF Global Fund's own money and apparently the money of a number of folks who had entrusted their money to MF Global. Usually it is against the rules for Hedge Funds to spend other people's money on stuff without telling them. MF Global was led by a Master of the Universe so the rules and the laws of gravity and economics did not apply. When questioned in Congress about where $1 billion of investors' money went, Jon said "I don't know." That should settle matters. The most certain sign of the impending Apocalypse (as predicted by our Mayan friends for 2012) is the reanimation of NBC's testament to good taste reality series, Fear Factor. The goal of Fear Factor is to gross out the contestants and audience bringing boffo ratings. Fear Factor had disappeared from the airways but now like an obese zombie it's back. To quote a New York Times article, the producer says its "bigger, badder and grosser" than ever. My heart be still. Speaking of hearts, not content with just eating the bugs of prior seasons, new contestants will undergo a real blood bath in the name of entertainment. One event will have contestants dive into a 3,000 gallon vat of cows' blood to retrieve with their teeth multiple cow hearts nestling at the bottom of the bovine hemological pond. The team with the most cow hearts advances on its quest to win $50,000 in Euros. Are we going to miss 2011? Why soitenly, if only because 2012 promises to be even weirder. Like Hunter Thompson once said, "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." PITT DICKEY, Contributing Writer, Up & Coming Weekly, COMMENTS? Editor@ upandcomingweekly.com. Thank you to everyone who helped to make the Sixth Annual Ryan's Reindeer Run a tremendous success! • Gold Sponsors • Rich and Heather Barbaro Cape Fear Orthopaedics The Fayetteville Academy Lucy and Wes Jones The Jordan Endowment Manna Church Silver Sponsors The Blake Family Callahan and Rice Insurance Group, Inc. Center for Health and Restoration, Breezewood Healthcare Leo and India Davidson Fayetteville Orthopaedics & Sports Medicine Joel S. Jenkins Jr., Attorney Bill and Jeanne Jordan Systel Business Equipment Hematology and Oncology Associates of Fayetteville Joel S. Jenkins, Jr., Attorney • Systel The Melton Family The Spa Fitness and Wellness Center Stout and Booth Orthodontics Up and Coming Weekly Valley Auto World BMW & Volkswagen Valley Regional Imaging Bronze Sponsors Bob and Barbara Appel • BB&T Cashwell Appliance Parts, Inc. Chick Fil A • The Coffee Scene Fayetteville PWC Hematology & Oncology Assoc. of Fayetteville, PA Hill & Jenkins/Wells Fargo Advisors Holmes Electric Security Systems Hope Mills Urgent Care & Med Clinic JEB Designs • Tommy King Pam and David Little • Logan's Roadhouse Medical Arts Family Practice, PA Pilates of Fayetteville RA Jeffreys Distributing Co. & Monster Energy The Renaissance European Day Spa Terry and Jan Smith • Jimmy Townsend And a special thank you to the Reindeer Run Planning Committee and volunteers. "So do a favor for me, and whatever you're doing today, just go out and RUN, somewhere, anywhere, just RUN because you can." Ryan P. Kishbaugh Proceeds from the run benefi t The Ryan P. Kishbaugh Memorial Foundation, Friends of the Cancer Center of CFVHS, Duke Pediatric Bone Marrow Unit, The Child Advocacy Center and other local charities. Mark your calendars for the 2012 Run, Saturday, December 15! WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM DECEMBER 21-27, 2011 UCW 7