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Tuesday, December 20, 2011 – Daily News FEATURES Relationship requires romance Dear Annie: You frequently print let- ters from husbands whose wives show no interest in sex, but I've never seen a problem like mine. My wife loves sex. However, she will never initiate it or act seductively. If I don't initiate sex, it doesn't happen. We can go for weeks without it. Yet when we are Am I wrong to think that a mutual- ly rewarding, romantic, physical rela- tionship needs to be more of a partner- ship? Is it wrong that I need to believe she is sexually attracted to me? — Unhappy Husband Dear Unhappy: There could be Annie's Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar intimate, she adores it. She frequently says, ''This is so great. I love sex.'' In addition, my wife never does anything that might provoke arousal, including kissing. No goodnight kiss, no kiss of greeting when we've been apart, no spooning in bed before falling asleep. It's like we're roommates. I'm not some unappreciative hus- band of an overworked wife. I do all the laundry, dishes, housecleaning, yard work, and home and car mainte- nance. I pay all the bills. We have iden- tical jobs and work hours. I'm in excellent shape, and she claims our sex is amazing. Many times, I've explained that I'm hurt that she doesn't find me sexually appealing. We've argued about this for 30 years, and she always promises to change, but it never happens. We've tried all kinds of marital aids and videos, but nothing helps. Every night, she watches TV, crawls into bed and goes to sleep. different reasons for your wife's behav- ior. She may have some deep-seated hang-ups about women behaving seductively or initiating sex. She may not be all that interested, but enjoys it once you get started. Or she may be putting on an Academy Award perfor- mance for your benefit. After 30 years, we are going to assume your wife is in menopause and whatever chance you may have had to interest her has diminished substantial- ly. This has nothing to do with finding you sexually attractive. Her libido sim- ply isn't up to it anymore. If she enjoys sex once you get started, please don't focus on who makes the first move. Dear Annie: I married Bob five years ago. He is 72, and I am 68. Bob is the most loving, kind and generous man I have ever met. The problem is that I love to dance. I could go dancing four nights a week. But Bob will only take me dancing on Saturday nights, and after two hours on the floor, he's out of gas and wants to go home. I could dance until midnight and then go out with friends for coffee. I'd be happy to let him rest while I keep dancing, but my old dance partners won't ask me out on the floor now that I'm married. I am so angry. What You might say that Lady Gaga's year really began in an egg. That's how she arrived at the Grammys in February, encased in a large, translu- cent pod carried by scantily clad dancers. When she ''hatched'' onstage, she effectively gave birth to ''Born This Way,'' perform- ing the eponymous lead sin- gle of her second studio album and anthem to self- acceptance. In 2011, the album would carry her around the world, where she rarely went unnoticed. After a year of extrava- gant globe-trotting and relentless advocacy of toler- ance, Lady Gaga has been voted Entertainer of the Year by members of The Associ- ated Press. There were 135 ballots submitted by U.S. news organizations that make up the AP's member- ship. Editors and broadcast- ers were asked to cast their ballots for who had the most influence on entertainment and culture in 2011. ''I am humbled and hon- ored to be named 'Entertain- er of The Year' by The Associated Press,'' Lady Gaga said in a statement Monday signed ''Mother Monster.'' ''My deepest gratitude to the broadcasters and jour- nalists who've supported me over the years, and in turn, are now supporting the loves of my life: my fans. Thank you for believing in 'Born This Way.' May you contin- ue to brave the dreams of Showbiz.'' should I do? — Jane in Ohio Dear Jane: Why are you so angry? You are married to a wonderful man who takes you dancing every week. It may not be as often as you'd like, but it's hardly deprivation. Would Bob mind if you went with friends instead? Would it bother him if you asked your old dance partners to squire you around? If those guys knew it was OK with your husband, they might be per- fectly willing to step in so you could have a few more hours of fun while Bob takes a break. Find out. Dear Annie: This is for ''Adopted Child,'' who asked about contacting her biological family. If she doesn't get a quick response, it's possibly because the family is going through some diffi- culties. Or maybe they need more time to digest being contacted by their bio- logical sibling. If there's no response, I suggest the adoptee gently contact them again, per- haps in a year. Reaching out to one's biological family can be a positive, life- changing experience, but one should be prepared for all possible outcomes. — Another Birth Mother Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Lady Gaga voted AP Entertainer of the Year NEW YORK (AP) — Lady Gaga narrowly edged out the late Apple founder Steve Jobs by three votes. Many others received numerous votes, including Taylor Swift, Charlie Sheen, Adele and the cast of ''Harry Potter.'' Previous winners of the AP Entertainer of the Year include Betty White, Swift, Tina Fey and Stephen Colbert. But it was Lady Gaga whose eminence in 2011 stood out most to vot- ers. While accepting the best pop vocal album Grammy for her previous disc, ''The Fame Monster,'' earlier this year, she said stardom was an adjustment for her. ''When I wrote 'Born This Way,' I imagined (Whitney Houston) was singing it because I wasn't secure enough in myself to imagine I was a superstar,'' she said. When the album was released in May, 1.1 million copies sold in the first week, partly aided by a dramatic discount from Amazon, which sold it for 99 cents. But it was an industry-shat- tering moment because an extraordinary 60 percent of sales in the first week were digital downloads. Altogeth- er, it outsold the next 42 albums on the Billboard chart combined. As of Octo- ber, worldwide sales had surpassed 8 million copies. ''One of my greatest art- works is the art of fame,'' the EARN EXTRA CASH D NEWSAILY RED BLUFF TEHAMACOUNTY AUTO ROUTE DRIVER WANTED Must be 21 years of age or older & bondable. Call or apply in person at Red Bluff Daily News Circulation Dept. 545 Diamond Ave., Red Bluff, CA Or phone Circulation @ (530) 527-2151 ext 128 RED BLUFF EARN EXTRA CASH 25-year-old told ''60 Min- utes'' earlier this year. ''I'm a master of the art of fame.'' Lady Gaga, whose real name is Stefani Germanotta, is prepping for a ''Born This Way'' tour. Her ''Monster Ball Tour'' was still going strong earlier this year, which went a long way toward making her, accord- ing to Forbes, the highest grossing female musician in 2011. The magazine, which compiled pretax income earned from May 2010 to May 2011, said Lady Gaga earned $90 million. Paul Pronovost, editor of the Cape Cod Times, called Lady Gaga's ''A Very Gaga Thanksgiving'' — a bizarre ABC holiday special hosted by the singer — ''a brilliant reach to mainstream Ameri- ca.'' ''Transcendent perform- ers like Lady Gaga come around as often as Halley's Comet,'' says Pronovost. ''She has that rare gift of sophisticated self-promo- tion, so outlandish at times you just can't look away'' and the talent to back it up. ''This is Madonna 4.0.'' The concerts spawned an HBO special, which was nominated for five Emmys Awards and won one. Lady Gaga was a regular presence Using ultrasound to determine baby's sex has its detractors DEAR DOCTOR K: I'm having my first baby in six months. I'm resisting the urge to find out the sex of my baby during an ultrasound, but I hear there are other ways to tell. Is this true? DEAR READER: For centuries, pregnant women and their hus- bands have made guess- es about whether their baby would be a boy or a girl. Some prospective par- ents think they can tell by things such as the shape of a woman's pregnant belly or by her food cravings. Some- times they're right — in fact, they're right about half of the time. Dr. K by Anthony L. Komaroff, M.D. rounding the baby in the womb. A some- what similar test is called chorionic villus sampling. Both tests are per- formed to deter- mine whether the baby may have certain genetic defects. However, they also can tell the baby's sex. at award shows throughout the year. She won three Grammys in February, including best female pop vocal performance. She won two MTV Video Music Awards. She was recently nominated for three Gram- mys for next year's awards, including best album. This summer, her infamous meat dress — made of layers of Argentinian beef — was put on display at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. She visited the White House and appeared as the musical guest on ''Saturday Night Live.'' She performed at former President Bill Clinton's 65th-birthday bash with an ode to Marilyn Monroe. She remained the person most followed on Twitter, with more than 17 million Little Monsters — or more people who live in Greece and Ireland com- bined. And for the mark of true fame, she was parodied by Weird Al Yankovic, who turned ''Born This Way'' into ''Perform This Way.'' She collaborated with a number of music legends, including Elton John ("Hello, Hello'' for ''Gnomeo & Juliet''), Tony Bennett ("The Lady Is a Tramp'') and Cher ("The Greatest Thing''). What I mean is that about half the time it'll be a boy, and half the time it'll be a girl. So if you guess right, it's not because your method was right, it's because you got lucky. A baby's sex is deter- mined by the father. Each of the father's millions of sperm contains either a Y chromosome or an X chro- mosome. If the sperm that fertilizes the mother's egg contains an X chromosome, the baby will be female. If it contains a Y chromosome, the baby will be male. All of a mother's eggs contain only an X chromosome, so the mother's egg cannot influ- ence the sex of their baby. It all depends on which of the father's sperm penetrated and fertilized the egg. (There are rare exceptions to all this, but we'll ignore those for now.) There are tests that can tell whether the baby will be a boy or a girl. An ultra- sound test done after about the 16th week of pregnancy is pretty accurate. Such tests are performed for medical reasons, such as determining the location of the placenta or to check the baby's growth. Amniocentesis is a tech- nique in which a needle is inserted into the fluid sur- Amniocentesis and chorionic villus sampling both are invasive and contain risks. For that reason, they should not be performed just to tell the sex of the baby. Many doctors also raise eth- ical questions about using ultrasound just to determine the sex of the baby. In my view, the main question is whether insurance should pay for an ultrasound that has no purpose other than satisfying the curiosity of the parents. Since there is no medical indication, I don't think insurance should pay in such cases. Suppose you both want a baby that is one particular sex. Can you do anything about it? You may have heard that you can control whether you conceive a boy or girl in other ways. It's been said that your position during intercourse or your diet can influence a baby's sex. I'm afraid that's not true. There is relatively little a couple can do — through naturally occurring concep- tion — to alter the chances of conceiving a boy or a girl. Gender tests are not required for a healthy preg- nancy, yet many parents know which they're having. Apparently, most of us just can't stand the suspense. Dr. Komaroff is a physician and professor at Harvard Medical School. Go to his website to send questions and get additional inf or mation: www.AskDoctorK.com. 'Holmes' wins weekend LOS ANGELES (AP) — There was no mystery at the weekend box office. Robert Downey Jr.'s ''Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows'' debuted as the clear favorite with $39.6 million. The family sequel ''Alvin and the Chip- munks: Chipwrecked'' opened a distant No. 2 with $23.3 million. 1. ''Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows,'' Warner Bros., $39,637,079, 3,703 locations, $10,704 average, $39,637,079, one week. 2. ''Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked,'' Fox, $23,244,744, 3,723 locations, $6,244 average, $23,244,744, one week. 3. ''Mission: Impossible — Ghost Protocol,'' Paramount, $12,785,204, 425 locations, $30,083 average, $13,385,204, one week. 4. ''New Year's Eve,'' Warner Bros., $7,310,413, 3,505 locations, $2,086 average, $24,716,167, two weeks. 5. ''The Sitter,'' Fox, $4,608,681, 2,752 locations, $1,675 average, $17,929,987, two weeks. 3B redbluffdailynews.com/jobs D NEWSAILY TEHAMACOUNTY