Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/48396
Wednesday, November 23, 2011 – Daily News 5A FEATURES Careless communique creates conflict Dear Annie: My oldest child is 27 and engaged. He and his fiancee, ''Kayla,'' ordered the wedding rings together. Last May, my son texted, saying, ''We are going to pick up the ring on Thurs- day.'' That Sunday we cele- brated Mother's Day at my daughter's home. While cooking, I asked Kayla if I could see the ring. She did not respond. Instead, she left the kitchen and sat in the living room. My son told me, ''You ruined the surprise.'' I was astonished. He said Kayla didn't know he had picked up the rings. Apparently, when he texted ''we,'' he meant his sister. Kayla wouldn't speak to me the rest of the morning, and my son dis- invited me to an evening barbecue because I had ''made Kayla cry.'' Two weeks later, he called to say I owed Kayla an apology. I disagreed and said if anything, she owes me one for treating me so rudely. I've barely seen him since. My father passed away in Sep- Annie's Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar Dear P.: Your son has terrible communication skills and blames you when he messes up. Kayla sounds too infantile to be married. And instead of approaching this oversensitive child to smooth things over, you demand an apology. We think there are plenty of apologies to go around. The question is whether you want to get along with your future daughter-in-law or be estranged. tember, and all the kids came over. I went to greet them, but Kayla walked away to avoid me. She expressed condolences to my sister, but not to me. Obviously, I feel this girl is immature, disrespectful and extremely selfish, and my son is allowing her to treat me this way. Should I tell them how hurtful their behavior is? — P. Neither Kayla nor your son has the maturity to handle this situa- tion, so you will have to be the grownup. Talk to Kayla, preferably in person, and apologize for upset- ting her. Don't judge or blame. Simply tell her sincerely that you want to have a good relationship and hope you can start over. We hope she has the sense to agree. Dear Annie: My sister is in her early 30s and is getting married for the first time. Due to budget con- straints, they are having a small wedding and reception. Only the immediate family will be there. As the matron-of-honor, I would like to give her a proper shower. However, I am uneasy that many of my sister's friends and acquain- tances are not invited to the wed- ding. Is it proper to ask them to attend a shower? — Ohio Sister Dear Ohio: It is inappropriate to invite people to the shower if they are not invited to the wedding. However, if the wedding is only immediate family, it is OK to invite a few close friends to a shower, provided you inform them in advance that the wedding itself is family only. Of course, the best solution is for the bridal couple to have an inexpensive, informal party a few weeks later so that those not invited to the actual wedding still can feel included in the celebration. Dear Annie: Your response was right on to ''Beleaguered Mom,'' who expected the grandparents to babysit. When my children were young, I lived 500 miles from my parents, who would have been glad to take the kids. Instead, I lived near my mother-in-law, who would not. So we found babysitters. And that is as it should be. Now, as a grandmother myself, I love to do what I can for my grand- children, and I spend time with them, but I do it on my terms. I have a full life separate from the kids. If I am not available to watch them, it is the parents' responsibili- ty to get a sitter. — Omaha Grand- ma Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your ques- tions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Centu- ry Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Sierra Club activities for December The Sierra Club, Yahi Group, is hosting the following events for December: •Sunday, Dec. 4 - Victorian Christmas Mistletoe Party at the Lott House in downtown Oroville. Free event. Enjoy a house tour and entertainment such as Bellringers! Meet at Chico Park N Ride at 11 a.m. Bring lunch and water and carpool money. Return at about 4:30 p.m. Leader: Jeanne, 899-9980; Asst. leaders: Annette, 872-3557 and Michelle, 865-9491. • Saturday, Dec. 10 - Yahi Holiday Dinner at Gooney Birds. Dinner Tickets are $30 each. We will have choice of Salmon, Chicken, Fettuccine, grilled vegetables, Rice, Gar- lic potatoes, two types of salad, non-alocholic drinks. 6-7 p.m., Drinks/Social, 7 p.m. Dinner/ Meeting. For informa- tion and reservations, contact David McKinney 530- 566- 1500 or daviddryfly@comcast.net • Saturday, Dec. 17--Cross Country Ski. Easy early sea- son ski day. Will give a brief refresher lesson for those returning to the sport. We'll go where the snow is good. Bring ski gear, lunch, water, appropriate clothing and gas money for drivers. Call leader for meeting time and place. Leader: Ken, 693-2134. • Sunday, Dec. 18 - Christmas caroling/pot luck dinner. Let's spread the Christmas cheer to our community seniors with our sweet voices and bright smiles. Wear something festive! Song sheets provided. Musical instruments wel- come. Bring a dish to share for the pot luck after singing in three senior centers. A water bottle is a must! Call to sign up and get directions, meeting place and time (afternoon). Leader: Jeanne, 899-9980; Asst. leader: Peggy, 343-9843. • Wednesday, Dec. 28- Cross Country Ski. An easy ski tour for all levels. Bring ski gear, lunch, water, appropriate clothing and money for drivers. Call leader for meeting time and place. Leader: Larry, 342-7998 Unless otherwise noted, trips are free and open to the public and begin at the trailhead. For more information about specific activities please contact Wayland Augur at 519-4724 or email wba@acm.org. Accidents are to be expected DEAR DOC- TOR K: My son is almost 3 ,and I think he's ready for toilet training. Is there a "right" way to toilet- train? DEAR READ- ER: Every tod- dler's readiness for toilet training is different. Some children might be ready at around 18 months; others not until 3 years of age or older. You'll need to match your spe- cific approach to your child. But some general guidelines apply to most children. How can you tell if your toddler is ready to be toilet-trained? Look for the following signs: — Being dry for two to three hours at a time during the day; — Having a relatively predictable pattern of bowel movements; — Being able to rec- ognize and communicate when he has to go; — Discomfort at wearing a dirty diaper; — Being interested in using a potty seat or toi- let; — Asking to use "big- boy" underwear; — Being willing and able to follow directions. When you see several of these signs, start toilet training. Be patient and be prepared for setbacks. Once you've decided to start: — Get a potty, prefer- ably one that sits on the floor. — Put the potty in the playroom. Let your child sit on it and play with it. — Move the potty into the bathroom. — Encourage your child to sit on her potty Dr. K by Anthony L. Komaroff, M.D. at least once a day for a few minutes while you sit on the toi- let. Boys should sit, too. It's easi- er for boys to learn to use the toilet while sit- ting down. — When you think your child may need to use the bath- room, ask him if he'd like to use the potty. If he isn't interested, don't force him. — If your child hap- pens to urinate or have a bowel movement while sitting on the potty, be excited. If nothing hap- pens, do not be disap- pointed or angry. — Don't rush to flush. Flushing is fun for some children but scary for others. — Remind your child to go every hour or two. — Expect accidents. Wetting and soiling acci- dents are a normal part of toilet training. A friend of mine once told me, "Probably the most important accom- plishment of my life was being successfully toilet- trained. And darn if I remember it." It is a big deal, but it's not some- thing that a parent should worry about. It's going to happen anyway. It's just a matter of how smooth- ly goes the transition from diapers to under- wear. These tips should help. Dr. Komaroff is a physician and professor at Harvard Medical School. Go to his website to send questions and get additional information: www.AskDoctorK.com. Altacal Audubon Society events planned for December Altacal Audubon Pro- gram & Field Trip activities for December are as fol- lows: Program • December Program - 6:30 p.m., Monday, Decem- ber 12, 6:30 p.m., Chico Creek Nature Center Mem- bers' Slide Show Altacal invites members and friends to share some photos they have taken over the past year. Join in and bring a few of your own photos of birds - wildlife - nature (on disk or memory stick).We will have plenty of time for all who want to participate. Also, at this pro- gram we will hear about plans for the annual Chico and Oroville Christmas Bird Counts taking place over the following two weekends. Call 530-345-9356 or email Jennifer Patten (jpchico@sbcglobal.net) so we know ahead of time how many will be showing pho- tos. Field Trips Sunday, Dec. 4, - South Rim Trail, Upper Bidwell Park. Come experience Upper Bidwell Park from the less used South Rim Trail. This will be a fairly strenuous hike on a some- times rough and steep trail. Mauricio excels at birding by ear and will share his knowledge of the foothill birds with us. Bring binocu- lars, water, snacks or lunch and wear shoes and clothes suitable for the weather. Meet at the Centennial Ave entrance next to the Fal- con's Point Gate at 8 a.m. Rain cancels. The hike will end between noon and 1 pm. Contact Mauricio Schrader at 530-518-7265. • Saturday, Dec. 10, - Second Saturday - Upper Bidwell Park. Our Second Saturday field trip in December will be in Upper Bidwell Park (alternate each month between the Oxida- tion Ponds and Upper Bid- well park). Our winter birds should be abundant in December. We are going to start this field trip at 9 a.m. at the parking lot on the left OPENS FRI., NOV. 25 A day after Thanksgiving George's Mountain Choose & Cut CHRISTMAS TREE FARM $ 500 OFF WITH THIS COUPON On a paved road, 3200 ft. elev. (below the snow level) POTTED BLUE SPRUCE disabled vets FREE TREE for $3730 WITH BRING YOUR CAMERA AND HAVE YOUR PICTURE TAKEN WITH SANTA WEEKEND OF DEC. 3 &4 (530) 713-8350 Hrs: 9am-4pm COUPON • SILVER TIP • WHITE FIR • DOUGLAS FIR (Up To 8 ft.) From Red Bluff take Hwy 36 East 20 min. to Payness Creek. Turn on Plum Creek paved road 8 miles to the farm. 30 min. from Red Bluff to Farm * $ * $ just past the gun club. Fol- low Wildwood Ave for 1.75 miles and turn left just before the gate. After bird- ing Horseshoe Lake and the area, we will head up the canyon to the Yahi Trail head. There, we will follow the Yahi Trail along the creek as far as time permits (2-3 miles, round trip). We should be back to the cars by about 12:30 p.m. Bring binoculars, water, snacks, walking shoes and proper clothing for the expected weather conditions. Rain cancels. For information, Steve King 530 566-6136. NOW OPEN FINDERS Thrift & Antiques Tue-Sat: 10am-5pm In the Frontier Village Shopping Center 645 Antelope Blvd. 530 527-7798 • Christmas Bird Counts- All levels of bird- ers are welcome. Beginners will be paired up with expe- rienced birders. Bring warm clothes, hiking shoes, lunch, bird books and binoculars. You will be assigned an area and spend the day counting birds in this area. If anyone wants to do a halfday, contact leader ahead of time. • Saturday, Dec. 17, Chico Christmas Bird Count: Mary Muchowski, 530-228-0625 / mmu- chowski@earthlink.net. Meet at 7:30 a.m., Chico Experience the KEEPERS Magic of Christmas in Historic Downtown Red Bluff 35 Boutique & Gift Shops 12 Antique Dealers, Galleries & Jewelers 6 Full Service Home Stores 7 Good Restaurants 50 Service & Professional Businesses Sponsored by Downtown Red Bluff Business Assoc. Holiday Special Sunday, November 27 Sunday, November 20 THROUGH 2 Games of Bowling & Shoe Rental with Socks OR 1 Game Bowling, Shoe Rental AND 1 Round Mini Golf 9.98 per person before 6pm 10.98 per person after 6pm Restrictions apply call for details Rolling Thunder Give Thanks Celebration Friday, Nov. 25th, 9:30pm-11:30pm Bowling & shoe rental only $10/person 365 S. Main St., Red Bluff & Bowling Greens Miniature Golf (530) 527-2720 www.LariatBowl.com 2011 Creek Nature Center, 1968 East 8th Street, Chico. • Sunday, Dec. 18, Red Bluff Christmas Bird Count. Contact Karen Scheuermann at 530-347- 1687 •Sunday, Jan. 1, Oroville Christmas Bird Count. Trip Leader: Gay- lord Grams, 530-533-1624 or gg2canoe@yahoo.com Meet at 7:30 a.m., Agri- cultural Commissioner's Office on Nelson Ave, Oroville east of Highway 70 and across from Home Depot. All programs and activi- ties are free of cost unless otherwise indicated and are open to the public. For more information about specific activities contact Wayland Augur at 519-4724 or email wba@acm.org. Reflections 50% off All Gift Items with coupon expires 12/25 COUPON Gift Certificates Scarves, Jewelry, Hair Care Product & Gift Items Bonnie Burlison • Grace LeBaudour Candy Harman • Kathy Reed Kathy Hiebert • Chaunda Jensen Susan Williams 527-5557 • 848 Johnson Street, Red Bluff 1705 Airport Blvd. Suite E, Red Bluff 530-528-1225 Under New Management Mon.-Thurs. 10am-5:30pm • Fri. 10am-6:30pm Open Saturdays Nov. 26th thru Dec. 17th 9am-3pm for your Holiday Shopping needs Serving Hot Dogs & Soft Drinks Saturdays 11am-1pm STOP BY AND ENTER OUR FREE DRAWING FOR A RUGER 10/22 RIFLE Over 100 new & used guns in stock Full line of ammo & accessories for your Shooting, Hunting & Reloading needs. We buy guns Open Daily thru Dec. 20