Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/440819
GregStevens,Publisher Chip Thompson, Editor EDITORIALBOARD How to have your say: Letters must be signed and provide the writer's home street address and home phone number. Anonymous letters, open letters to others, pen names and petition-style letters will not be allowed. Letters should be typed and no more than two double-spaced pages or 500words. When several letters address the same issue, a cross section will be published. Email: editor@red bluffdailynews.com Phone: 530-527- 2151ext. 112 Mail to: P.O. Box 220, 545 Diamond Ave., Red Bluff, CA 96080 Facebook: Leave comments at FACEBOOK.COM/ RBDAILYNEWS Twitter: Follow and send tweets to @REDBLUFFNEWS Heyguys.Didthiswhole crazy holy daze madcap bed- lam thing sneak up on you this year, mak- ing the world speed up like a maglev Bul- let Train going downhill lit by a strobe, like it did us? There's a per- fectly reason- able explanation. In 2014, Thanksgiving fell on Nov. 27, making it a mere 28 days between the Tur- key and the Tree. Next year the gap grows by a day; then two days for leap year, un- til way way in the future, Year of Our Lord 2018, we're talking maximum separa- tion: 33 days. And you can bet those extra 5 days will seem a blessed eternity, es- pecially to our poor bedrag- gled brothers and sisters employed in the online re- tail industry. Let the drone- ducking commence. So while we salute all you incredibly stalwart consum- ers for navigating Demoli- tion Derby parking lots in the honorable quest of sink- ing heavily into debt to cele- brate the birth of that Jewish hippie kid, let us also take this time to offer up to the least deserving of us, our an- nual scathingly incisive yet perennially trenchant, Will Dur$t'$ 2014 Xma$ gift wi$h li$t. These are the presents that folks presumably did not receive wrapped in brightly colored packages under dan- gerously parched fir trees, but most certainly deserved. For Barack Obama: A Kev- lar bubble, as he will now be taking shots from many van- tages. For CNN: Something to talk about other than ISIS and Ebola. And not ISIS in- fected with Ebola. For Alec Baldwin: An un- limited refillable prescription for Xanax in a carrying case suitable for travel. For Democrats in Con- gress: Scuba gear until they learn to grow gills for breath- ing underwater. For Republicans in Con- gress: Enough rope to tie up Obama's agenda for 2 years, but not enough to hang themselves with. For Ted Cruz: A money or- der in the exact amount of a one-way ticket on the clue train. For Harry Reid: A big old Lazy-Boy recliner so at least he can be comfortable doing nothing. For Fox News: Hard evi- dence that the credit card used to pay for the rental car that took terrorists to the American Embassy in Beng- hazi has been traced to a shell corporation whose CEO is Hillary Clinton's chief of staff. For Malaysian Airlines: A name change. For Jeb Bush: A name change. For Mitch McConnell: An oil can. For Elizabeth Warren: A lingering bug to hit Hillary Clinton clearing the Demo- cratic field for 2016. For Joe Biden: A linger- ing bug to hit Hillary Clinton and Elizabeth Warren clear- ing the Democratic field for 2016. For Kentucky Senator Rand Paul: More Republi- cans to support his run for the Presidency and less Dem- ocrats. For Speaker of the House John Boehner: A gift cer- tificate good for one surgi- cal procedure to remove that unsightly Tea Party growth clinging to his back. For Medical Science to study: Dick Cheney's heart. George Bush's brain. And Barack Obama's leadership skills. For Scott Brown: Cheap property in either Vermont or Maine. Or both. For Shia LaBoeuf: A muz- zle. Permanent. Steel. Welded with titanium rivets. For Brad Keselowski: A sponsorship deal with UFC. For Miley Cyrus: A spon- sorship deal with any de- signer who can provide ac- tual clothes. For Bill Cosby: Harry Pot- ter's invisibility cloak. For Fidel Castro: A tricked out 2015 Ford F-150 to re- place that 59 Chevy. WillDurstisanaward-win- ning, nationally acclaimed political comic. Go to will- durst.com for more about the documentary film "3 Still Standing," and a calendar guide to personal appear- ances such as his hit one- man show "BoomeRaging: From LSD to OMG." Email Will at durst@caglecartoons. com. Will Durst The gi s they should have gotten this year Cartoonist's take Will and You Know drop by the office from time to time. Will has some age on him but his little fox terrier You Know is only 4. They are buddies and each fortunate to have found the other. How they met is an interesting tale. Will says he witnessed a preg- nant female dog being run over by a car and as Will surveyed the sorry sight he noticed that one pup had popped out. To illus- trate the size of the pup, Will grasps the center of his little finger and exclaims, "He was just this size, just a little thing, but he was a tough 'un and we been pals now for 4 years." You Know wears a sporty lit- tle green sweater and stands by patiently while Will tells of the miracle of his birth and what a companion he has been. This is the kind of New Year's story we all want to hear. ••• On the front page of Sat- urday's DN was a story about "Girls With Guns." Two women started a clothing business and are now starring in a television show as they move about the planet. I was all for their start up venture until I realized they were serious about their name. In the article we learned "…in Africa where they learn to track animals and are pushed out of their comfort zones." I hope the girls are pushed out of their comfort zone rather than their prey. Not a good show if the lat- ter. ••• I was gifted a book titled "The Great Reformer…Fran- cis and the Making of a Radi- cal Pope." Hoo boy. Who would have thought? Well, I have writ- ten of this enlightened fel- low previously and someone must have thought I was ei- ther on the verge of conver- sion or perhaps only seeking in- formation to get the facts of his life. Assuming it the lat- ter, I would like to present a New Year's Resolution for his consideration: Francis, if you must maintain a stance oppos- ing abortion, at least loosen up when it comes to birth control. The current world population is estimated to be, as of this writ- ing, about 7.25 billion. It is es- timated by 2050 to reach 9 bil- lion. Currently the population increases by 1 birth every 8 sec- onds and decreases by 1 death every 11 seconds. As any fool can see, desire to reproduce is outpacing natural selection, and yet birth control by artifi- cial means is taboo — at least for practicing Catholics. Francis, something has got to give. It should be you as an en- lightened leader of your church. ••• Speaking of the Pope, he might lend a hand to the be- leaguered nuns of the Cath- olic faith. They are suffering great attrition. A Vatican sur- vey indicates the American nuns have an aging workforce and their numbers have fallen nearly 75 percent in the last 50 years. Their average age is now in the mid 70s. However, for the first time, a woman has become a bishop of the Church of England. We have bishops in the U.S. of A. but I think they are all members of the good ol' boy's club. How- ever there are many churches in our own county, 82 in all. Must be a bishop amongst them. Couldn't have a chess game without one. ••• In the "90 Years Ago Today" section of the DN: "The build- ing season promises to be a busy one in Red Bluff this com- ing year. Construction of a new home for the Red Bluff Na- tional Bank is virtually assured. D.J. Metzger (later State Sena- tor Metzger) will put up a new block on the sites now occu- pied by the local chamber of commerce and the old Schoen- feld building." That would be the 600 block on the east side of Main Street beginning at Pine Street and moving south for nearly the whole block. That would include the famous Blue Ribbon Café and Bar…and a large building in the middle of the block that was leased to Dave Minch as Minch Market, the precursor of today's super market. We had a grocery store, meat market, a delicatessen and a bakery. A long marble slab serves as counter in our mas- ter bathroom at our ranch. Not much of a story, but the start of a new year is a slow time for news. ••• Speaking of the "90 Years Ago Today" section of sev- eral months ago, "The city au- thorities today issued strict orders against any reckless- ness that might result in dam- age or destruction of property." This was before my time, but I would have done well to heed the warning when circa 1946 I assisted in removing the large glass ball covers from the lamps at the Kraft Library and depos- iting them on Principal Met- teer's front porch, and the pull- ing over of street signs with Jack Growney's jeep, an offense that got me expelled from the Block R Society. However, noth- ing ventured, nothing gained. ••• TIME suggests as good news that voters in the state of Wash- ington have, regarding gun control, expanded background checks to all firearms sales, in- cluding online purchases. Con- versely they note as bad news that the estimated 30,000 bears in the state of Maine were dealt a blow when voters kept the state's liberal "harvesting" pol- icy intact, rejecting a mea- sure that would have prevented hunters from using dogs, traps or bait to bag the animals. Tsk, tsk. ••• A reader reminded me of the old Burma Shave signs we used to see along the highway, such as: Drove too long Driver snoozing What happened next Is not amusing Burma Shave ••• A guy regained conscious- ness. He found himself in ag- onizing pain in the hospital with a gorgeous nurse hovering over him. He realized he had been in a serious accident. She gave him a deep look straight into the eyes, and he heard her say, "You may not feel anything from the waist down." He smiled and said, "Can we at least shake hands then?" Robert Minch is a lifelong res- ident of Red Bluff, former col- umnist for the Corning Daily Observer and Meat Industry magazine and author of the "The Knocking Pen." He can be reached at rminchandmur- ray@hotmail.com. I say Will and You Know drop by from time to time For Republicans in Congress: Enough rope to tie up Obama's agenda for 2 years, but not enough to hang themselves with. Sounding off A look at what readers are saying in comments on our website and on social media. Kaer Avenue didn't flood? LOL! Oh it flooded allright, and was closed off. I live just past Round Up Avenue and we had water, straight across the slough (flowing towards the bridges for 3days) at least 12feet deep, maybe more. There were big stumps and lots of long trees flow- ing by all day Thursday. The water receded 2days later.... Lissa Sampson: On a columnist's report on flooding due to winter storms in December. I hope he dies a slow death from exposure or is mauled to death by a cougar. Anyone who could do that to an old lady is a sociopath scum. Ann Taylor-Minch: On suspect who allegedly beat his wife and her mother with a hammer. Robert Minch Assemblyman Dan Logue 150Amber Grove Drive, Ste. 154, Chico 95928, 530895-4217 Senator Jim Nielsen 2634Forest Ave., Ste. 110, Chico 95928, 530879-7424, senator. nielsen@senate.ca.gov Governor Jerry Brown State Capital Building, Sacra- mento 95814, 916445-2841, fax 916558-3160, governor@ governor.ca.gov U.S. Representative Doug LaMalfa 507Cannon House Office Build- ing, Washington D.C. 20515, 202 225-3076 U.S. Senator Dianne Feinstein One Post St., Ste. 2450, San Francisco 94104, 415393-0707, fax 415393-0710 U.S. Senator Barbara Boxer 1700Montgomery St., San Fran- cisco 94111, 510286-8537, fax 202224-0454 Contact your officials Will Durst OPINION » redbluffdailynews.com Friday, January 2, 2015 » MORE AT FACEBOOK.COM/RBDAILYNEWS AND TWITTER.COM/REDBLUFFNEWS A6