Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/412500
GregStevens,Publisher Chip Thompson, Editor EDITORIALBOARD How to have your say: Letters must be signed and provide the writer's home street address and home phone number. Anonymous letters, open letters to others, pen names and petition-style letters will not be allowed. Letters should be typed and no more than two double-spaced pages or 500words. When several letters address the same issue, a cross section will be published. Email: editor@red bluffdailynews.com Phone: 530-527- 2151ext. 112 Mail to: P.O. Box 220, 545 Diamond Ave., Red Bluff, CA 96080 Facebook: Leave comments at FACEBOOK.COM/ RBDAILYNEWS Twitter: Follow and send tweets to @REDBLUFFNEWS "Whatwereyou thinking when you tore up my favorite Gi- ants baseball cap?" The one year old pup, All that Jazz, looked contrite, but replied, "It was an old cap." "So?" "So, I thought you should have a new one because the Giants won the whirled berries." "You mean the World Se- ries." "Whatever." "But why tear up my old one? Murray Clyde would not have done anything of the kind." Jazz looked at the bone he had been working on and said, "Big dogs need things to chew on." "Well, chew on this, young man: It is true that the S.F. Gi- ants are once again World Se- ries champs, for the third time in five years, and they deserve a little respect, but so does my cap for that matter." "Yes, but I've been tearing up toys and things since I was little. You used to think it was funny." "Maybe funny, but those things were replaceable. My cap was a collector's item and now, thanks to you, I have nothing to wear when I go to the grocery store." The big pup, 130 pounds now and growing, became si- lent, so I decided to tell him of the next adventure await- ing him. "Gary Larson once drew a cartoon showing a dog riding in a car and telling his friends on the street, that he was on his way to get tutored. How- ever, the pet didn't under- stand. He was actually on his way to the vet to get neutered. That may be your next adven- ture, and it may alter your be- havior patterns. You know, you have a great deal of unbridled energy." Jazz wagged his tail in an- ticipation and said, "I can't wait," and then added "Will I get a treat for being tutored or neutered?" "Maybe we all will," I re- plied. However, neither of us would be looking forward to the coming event. ••• Speaking of the World Se- ries, for the baseball filbert, the game is played and re- played endlessly in our minds. The Kansas City Royals be- came one of the few teams that many of us felt badly about beating. Seemed like good chaps, all. And they came so close to winning. Some say 90 feet from taking the series. A parade down Market Street in San Francisco is now a familiar event, but still holds fascination as we witnessed the adult ball players, who had been playing a child's game, act like kids again with their first ice cream cone as they rode and waved all the way to the Civic Center where the scripted stuff took over and the crowd was whipped into frenzy time and time again by the speakers. Here's a scoop for the DN of which even the SF Chron is not aware: Hunter Pence, one of the heroes of the game with his on and off the field moves, could not be ignored. He is charismatic and evi- dently catnip to young ladies. When the missus and I viewed the parade and the close ups, we notice that his current inamo- rata riding on the bus with him, was a striking young brunette. Segue back a year or so ago, and we were in a suite at the new ball park chatting with Hunter's girl friend at the time. His father is a great friend of a client of mine with whom I have done property management for many years. We invited Hunt- er's father to the suite and he asked if he could bring Hunt- er's latest flame. We of course agreed and the ladies in at- tendance quizzed the fetching young blonde about her boy- friend throughout the game. The rest of the story is private, but needlessly to say it made for an interesting night, and the following day the missus received an autographed base- ball from the star right fielder. Always something new and exciting about this often ex- citing sport, which I once thought of as slow and boring. ••• Bard College is a small lib- eral arts school north of New York City. The college came up with an innovative idea: It pro- vides education and opportu- nities and diplomas for prison- ers incarcerated in the Wood- borne Correctional Facility 100 miles north of the college. This seems to be a worthy en- deavor, and it got me to won- dering if, say Shasta College for example, would consider a tu- ition free college degree to, not prisoners, but the homeless. I haven't the foggiest idea how they would implement it, but giving people a chance to re-in- vent themselves and their way of life seems worthy of pursuit. To qualify perhaps all the ap- plicants would have to do is prove that they can read and write, and that they have no source of income when seeking a degree. Wishful thinking, but who knows? ••• The Farm City Night at the Community Center produced an award for B. Minch as Vol- unteer of the Year. This was a well deserved award for Bran- don because he does much civic work without acknowl- edgement. The missus and I were cajoled into attending the event. As it was to be a surprise for Brandon, he was convinced to attend because he thought the award would be for me, his father. Fortunately this was not the case. The only category in which I could have fit would be as the oldest person in at- tendance. But from what I ob- served, there were older cod- gers in attendance, so I was allowed to sit back and en- joy Brandon's embarrassment when L. Durrer introduced him by saying that he was well known to ladies in the audi- ence because he had probably dated many of them. Being Most Eligible Bach- elor might be an award com- mensurate with Volunteer of the Year. ••• During a password audit by a company, a blonde employee was asked to submit hers which read, "Mickey, Minnie, Pluto, Huey, Dewey, Louey, Donald, Grumpy, Sacramento." When asked why she had chosen such a long list of names she rolled her eyes and replied, "Hello. It has to include at least eight characters and at least one capital." Right. RobertMinchisalifelongres- ident of Red Bluff, former col- umnist for the Corning Daily Observer and Meat Industry magazine and author of the "The Knocking Pen." He can be reached at rminchandmur- ray@hotmail.com. I say So much for my favorite Giants cap Cartoonist's take Gather round kiddies, be- cause it's time for Uncle Will to regale you with the funny side of Ebola. Oh, yeah, there is one. Just need a trained professional to find it. Take the widespread fear and paranoia making people crazier than the trajectory of an arrow with a gelatin shaft. Okay. Not entirely side splitting. Well, how about the pros- pect of a global epidemic on the scale of two zombie apoc- alypses? No, you're right. Still less humorous than polio. Which never was a laugh riot. So, "funny side" might be an exaggeration. But you don't have to dig too deep to hit a rich vein of irony. Such as Todd Kincannon, the former execu- tive director of the South Car- olina Republican Party who called for anyone coming into contact with Ebola to be "hu- manely executed." Humanely executed? Like Ed- ward G. Robinson in "Soylent Green?" Methinks Mr. Kincan- non might be suffering from a tertiary case of "intellectual de- privation." Then there's officials in Maine who announced they're prepared to enforce a "vol- untary" quarantine on Kaci Hickox, a health care worker who treated Ebola patients. How do you enforce a volun- tary quarantine? Two guys in hazmat suits strapping a screaming woman to a gurney, and shoving her into the back of an ambulance doesn't seem very voluntary to me. Optics- wise, that is. Those of us who see black he- licopters in our sleep worry that authorities plan to use this cri- sis as a precedent. In the future, will government monitors de- mand we uphold our New Year's resolutions as well? "Keep mov- ing Tubby. You got 12 miles to go on that stationary bike." "Hope you're enjoying that piece of chocolate cake, mister, because it's the last you're go- ing to eat, if you ever want to see your 5-year-old daughter again." Might make more sense to quarantine all the grandstand- ing science-adverse politicians calling for a quarantine. Yeah, the country is in the middle of an epidemic. One of fork-in-the- eye ignorance. It's turning into a dumb-bucket challenge to see which clueless governor can raise the anti-Ebola flag higher. Really sticking it to that pro- Ebola contingent. Stupidity is contagious and hysteria has its own logic. "What's the prob- lem? If she's a not a witch, she won't burn." Yes, indeed. To call this virus awful is like referring to gen- ital blisters as annoying. But the best way to keep this dread contagion off our shores is to stop it in West Africa by aug- menting its lack of doctors and hospitals and conditions less sanitary than most gas station rest room drain traps. Can't do that if all the potential medical volunteers worry about a forced indefinite stay inside a trans- parent inflatable bouncy house after coming home. And someone has to stop the infighting amongst our med- ical experts. The CDC is run- ning around like a lab full of chickens with their heads cut off, and the Surgeon General is apparently wearing Frodo's ring. Oh, wait a minute, that's right. We don't have a Surgeon General. Republicans have re- fused to confirm Obama's nom- inee because the NRA doesn't like him. Well, just hand out a bunch of guns all around and we can shoot the Ebola. That'll teach that darn virus. The 2nd Amendment Antidote. There's your funny, Rico. Ha- ha- ha- ha- ha. Will Durst is an award- win- ning, nationally acclaimed po- litical comic. Go to willdurst. com for more about the docu- mentary film "3 Still Standing," and a calendar guide to per- sonal appearances such as his hit one- man show "BoomeRag- ing: From LSD to OMG." Email Will at durst@caglecartoons. com. He will be performing Sat- urday, Nov. 15 at Red Bluff's State Theatre. Call 529-2787 or visit statetheatreredbluff.com for information. Will Durst The funny side of Ebola, there is one if you look hard enough ...it got me to wondering if, say Shasta College for example, would consider a tuition free college degree to, not prisoners, but the homeless. Sounding off A look at what readers are saying in comments on our website and on social media. So sad, my condolences to the families. Selina Jolie: On report of two men being killed in an early morning traffic collision. Never leave a handgun in your car; carry at all times. Jason Martin: On police report of a handgun being stolen out of a parked vehicle. Robert Minch Assemblyman Dan Logue 150Amber Grove Drive, Ste. 154, Chico 95928, 530895- 4217 Senator Jim Nielsen 2634 Forest Ave., Ste. 110, Chico 95928, 530 879-7424, senator.nielsen@senate. ca.gov Governor Jerry Brown State Capital Building, Sacra- mento 95814, 916445-2841, fax 916558-3160, governor@ governor.ca.gov U.S. Representative Doug LaMalfa 507Cannon House Office Build- ing, Washington D.C. 20515, 202 225-3076 U.S. Senator Dianne Feinstein One Post St., Ste. 2450, San Francisco 94104, 415393- 0707, fax 415393-0710 U.S. Senator Barbara Boxer 1700Montgomery St., San Francisco 94111, 510286-8537, fax 202224-0454 Contact your officials Might make more sense to quarantine all the grandstanding science- adverse politicians calling for a quarantine. Yeah, the country is in the middle of an epidemic. One of fork- in-the-eye ignorance. OPINION » redbluffdailynews.com Friday, November 7, 2014 » MORE AT FACEBOOK.COM/RBDAILYNEWS AND TWITTER.COM/REDBLUFFNEWS A6