North Bay Woman

S P R I N G 2 0 1 4 | NORTH BAY WOMAN 39 viewing a profile. The folks behind the study referred to this as a "deluge problem" for women. Jon Millward did a 4-month experi- ment in the U.S. and U.K. looking at the ques- tion of whether online dating is a different experience for men than it is for women. He created 10 fake OKCupid profiles with similar sounding usernames, the same written profile and related stats. He summarized: "The fact that the first stage of online dating is so heavily stacked in women's favor doesn't necessarily mean that it's any easier for them, compared to men, to reach the end goal of pure love or perfect sex. They may have the pick of the bunch to begin with, especially if they happen to be really attractive, but they can still only date one man at a time – they must still filter the largely undifferentiated onslaught of male attention into yes and no piles. Then the yes pile has to be sorted through in much the same way as anyone else does it—by talking, bonding, finding common interests, realizing there's been a big mistake, or a wonderful discovery. In the end men and women probably do have it about equal, it's just a bit different for each." The reality is, online dating is the third most common way couples meet and is big business. What has changed since I met my husband thirteen years ago is the sheer number of dating sites and more choices. For example, OurTime.com, targets those singles 50 and over. JDate.com is for Jewish singles. ■ • Keep it real. Men also get annoyed at women who misrepresent them selves. Be you. Be open. You're looking for someone who will appreciate who that person is, rather than the person you think they want to see. • Trust your gut. If you feel creeped out or something isn't right, there's probably good reason. Look to connect to others who appear to be trying to be real too. • Surf the sites. Change your online dating venue occasionally to show up as the "new girl." The reality is that the pool is very large and standing out is harder than ever to do. In my therapy practice, I often recom- mend single women desiring relation- ships to give online dating a go. Though "horror stories" and frustrations abound, there are also success stories of long- term relationships that have sprung from online dating and I believe it can provide a great opportunity to at least see who's out there. No one says you need to move quickly in the process. Just browse and go from there…or don't. If something sparks, always be safe and practice com- mon sense around first meetings. If you're in the online dating pool consider the following tips: Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT has a private practice working with individuals and couples in down- town Larkspur, Marin County (MarinTherapy- AndCounseling.com). She is also the creator of LoveAndLifeTool- box.com with tools for emotional and relationship health. Lisa is a frequent con- sultant for the media, having appeared in CNN, HuffingtonPost and others. SOLVE YOUR SNORING PROBLEM IN A SINGLE OFFICE VISIT Dr. David Epstein has performed more successful Pillar Palatal Procedures than any other dentist in the country. 2014 Winner Professional of the Year DR. DAVID EPSTEIN • FDA approved with results • No cumbersome masks • No painful surgery • Cutting edge treatment options www.marinsnoringcenter.com (415) 897-6453 For more information contact: admin@davidepsteindds.com

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