North Bay Woman

38 NORTH BAY WOMAN | F A L L 2 0 1 4 As a therapist with a practice of approximately 50% individuals (and 50% couples), I've heard myriad of experiences women (and men) are having with online dating. I also happen to be a woman who met her husband online 13 years ago. I have no horror stories to regale you with related to my experience. In fact, it was relatively smooth. I sought a relationship, dated a handful of men who were all nice, pretty much represented themselves for who they were and I ultimately found him. On the first date I knew my search was over. I still remember calling a friend after our first date, (lunch at the old Margaritaville in Sausalito), to tell her I'd just met my husband. Fast forward to now: There is a range of negative and positive reports. The biggest problem I've heard women are having is with profile misrepresen- tations. Many have felt there was dishonesty around the type of relationship the men were seeking (checking "serious relationship" when they behaved as if it was, "party time.") I've heard complaints about men using the online dating platform as a female smörgåsbord, as if they are greedily working through a sampler plate. Women have told me it's been disappointing, particularly if truly looking for a mate. Then there is the truth stretching around smoking (vs. non), income, weight, age, etc. It's human nature to want to put your best face forward but it can blow up if the other feels duped. I've seen these experiences lead women to ambiva- lence around the process; taking extended breaks or even closing accounts all together. I spoke to a friend who has dabbled in online dating. "The hardest thing was coming out of divorce and starting to date. I tried Match.com and figured I'd get a chance to meet someone, have a social life again…" I asked about whether she had any issues: "I had no problems, I had one guy that did fib and was a lot old- er than he said…his picture was obviously when he was younger and when I met him I was kind of shocked. It kind of pissed me off. But on the whole I had a very good experience." But many women are clearly not having a great experience in online dating as reflected in a piece by Ann Friedman in the New Yorker, (February 26, 2013), called Overwhelmed and Creeped Out. A Northwestern University study found that men viewed more than three times as many profiles as women and were approximately forty percent more likely than women to make contact after By Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT WoMEn AnD onLInE DAtIng: the good, the Bad and the...Meh

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