Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/37621
Thursday, July 28, 2011 – Daily News 3B FEATURES Hubby harbors hurtful hatred Dear Annie: I have been married to ‘‘Jim’’ for three years, and we lived together for seven years before that. We had a rocky relationship until we had our daugh- ter, who is now 4. Jim has always been an angry, con- trolling, emotional person. He man- aged to get the anger under control for a few years, but now it’s back. He will no longer sleep in the same room that I’m in and told me we have an unhappy marriage and it’s all my fault. Beyond that, he completely ignores me. Tell me, Annie, how did my husband go from being a loving man, telling me I am the best thing that ever happened to him, to hating me? When I asked him what happened, he replied, ‘‘Just fix yourself,’’ and I have no idea what that means. He won’t talk about it. I asked Jim to go for marriage counseling, but the therapist said Jim needs individual help, and he won’t see us as a couple until then. Jim refuses to go. Please help. — Con- fused in Kentucky Dear Kentucky: There could be any number of reasons for your husband’s sudden change of heart. Considering his previous issues, he could be bipolar or have some other mental health issue, but it would require an evaluation to know. Since Jim is unwill- ing to see a therapist, try Annie’s Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar encouraging him to get a physical to rule out a medical problem. You also can contact NAMI (nami.org) at 1- 800-950-NAMI (1- 800-950-6264) for a referral. Then get counseling for yourself. You have some tough choic- es to make. Dear Annie: I am really frustrated and would like some advice. I have a double first name (‘‘Jean-Marie’’) with no middle name or initial. It’s a bit unusual, but not terribly so, and it’s easy to pronounce. I always identify myself with my entire name, but for some reason, people insist on shortening it. My full first name is on my nameplate at work, and I use it for all correspon- dence. Yet many people insist on using only ‘‘Jean,’’ informing me that the full name is ‘‘not a real name.’’ I don’t get it. When a co- worker asked others to call her ‘‘Susan’’ instead of ‘‘Sue,’’ there was no objec- tion, and everyone respect- ed her preference. But not mine. I’ve tried many polite approaches, but can’t seem to get the point across. When people ask, ‘‘Do you mind if I call you Jean?’’ I smile and reply, ‘‘Actually, it’s Jean-Marie.’’ The usual response is, ‘‘That’s OK. I’ll just call you Jean.’’ Frankly, I find this dismis- sive and disrespectful, and I am fed up. Do you have any suggestions? — The Whole Package in D.C. Dear D.C.: You are entitled to be called what you prefer, although people tend to shorten everyone’s name unless taught to do otherwise. So be more assertive. The first time you are addressed as ‘‘Jean,’’ reply, ‘‘Sorry, but I prefer Jean-Marie.’’ After that, if someone insists on calling you by a nickname, pretend you do not hear them. It will take time, and you should always be polite and friendly, but don’t give in. Dear Annie: I read the letter from ‘‘Fed-Up Mom,’’ whose son refuses to brush his teeth. You said he might change his ways if he meets a girl who refuses to kiss him. I was married for 20 years to a man who seldom brushed, never flossed and went to the dentist twice during our entire marriage. His breath was so bad that if he rolled toward me in bed, I had to turn away. Honestly, I’d rather smell the back end of a dead skunk. All the pleading in the world got nowhere. I thank God every day that I am now divorced from that cad and married to a wonderful man with great personal hygiene. — Love to Kiss Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net , or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. The virtues of asparagus DEAR DR. GOTT: I recently read an article on the Internet regarding the healing powers of aspara- gus. It is supposed to real- ly be a super cancer-killer. Have you heard anything about this, or is it more Internet hype? It seems to me that if it is all it is said to be, the AMA or FDA would be endorsing it, wouldn’t they? DEAR READER: Asparagus contains a pro- tein known as histone, believed to be active in controlling cell growth. This may be the connec- tion to which you refer. It is high in folate and vita- mins K and C, and may provide the digestive tract with unique health bene- fits. It is purported to fight depression, lower choles- terol, contain antifungal and antiviral qualities, prevent kidney stones and bladder and urinary tract infections, reduce high blood pressure, treat toothaches, increase the success rate of chemother- apy, and contain anti-can- cer agents — particularly in relation to the lungs. In one circulating email, The Cancer News Journal was said to have printed an article in December 1979; however, to date, the article and its biochemist author have not been found. The email goes on to say the article discussed the miraculous tales of serious bouts of cancer being overcome by asparagus therapy. That was enough to catch read- ers’ attention: http://www.snopes.com/m edical/disease/asparagus.a sp. Asparagus is high in glutathione, an antioxidant purported to defend the body against viruses, cer- tain forms of cancer and to boost immune cells. The National Cancer Institute indicates that “... antioxi- dants may slow or possi- bly prevent the develop- ment of cancer. However, information from recent clinical trials is less clear. In recent years, large- scale, randomized clinical trials reached inconsistent conclusions.” Johns Hopkins’ Kim- mel Can- cer Cen- ter has stat- ed that poor diet and obe- counter develops bacteria. I can understand that, but if you are going to cook the food, either on the stovetop or in the oven, wouldn’t that kill the bac- teria if you defrosted it on the countertop? Dr. Peter Gott sity associated with that poor diet are risk factors for the development of cancer. “However, there is no evidence that certain foods alter the environ- ment of an existing cancer at the cellular level, and cause it to either die or grow.” This leads me to believe the jury is out on this decision and much more research is vital before conclusions can be reached. For almost every health concern, eating a well-balanced diet, exer- cising, controlling one’s consumption of products that contain alcohol and quitting smoking are the foundation for maintain- ing a healthy body. Speak with an oncolo- gist or a naturopath regarding this alternative therapy. From my per- spective, asparagus is a healthful food, and it can do no harm to consume it. Should it cure cancer, you will know you aren’t a victim of Internet hype but are on the cutting edge of history in the making. Readers who would like related information can order my Health Report “Medical Special- ists” by sending a self- addressed, stamped No. 10 envelope and a $2 U.S. check or money order for each report to Dr. Peter Gott, P.O. Box 433, Lakeville, CT 06039. Be sure to mention the title, or print an order form from my website’s direct link: www.AskDr- GottMD.com/order_form. pdf. DEAR DR. GOTT: My wife is a registered nurse and insists that any frozen food be defrosted in the refrigerator. She says that defrosting food on the DEAR READER: Bac- teria multiply rapidly between 40 and 140 degrees Fahrenheit. Foods should not be defrosted on a kitchen counter. Instead, use a microwave oven, cold running water or — the refrigerator! Your wife is correct. Having said that, how- ever, meats that are cooked to an internal temperature of 145 degrees for steaks, roasts and lamb, 160 degrees for pork, veal and ground beef, 165 degrees for ground poultry and 180 degrees for whole poul- try, will kill most bacte- ria. Having said that, how- ever, meats that are cooked to the proper internal temperature will kill most bacteria. For steaks, roasts and lamb, that temperature is 145 degrees; for pork, veal and ground beef, it’s 160 degrees; for ground poul- try, 165 degrees; and for whole poultry, 180 degrees. Still, it is better to be safe and properly defrost AND thoroughly cook foods before con- sumption. Dr. Peter H. Gott is a retired physician and the author of several books, including “Live Longer, Live Better,” “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Diet” and “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Cookbook,” which are available at most bookstores or online. His website is www.AskDrGottMD.com If readers want to contact Dr. Gott, they may write to him at his website, or send their mail directly to Dr. Gott, c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut, Kansas City, MO 64106. However, readers want to request a newsletter, they should write to the Connecticut address listed above. if