Up and Coming Weekly is a weekly publication in Fayetteville, NC and Fort Bragg, NC area offering local news, views, arts, entertainment and community event and business information.
Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/346859
6 JULY 16-22, 2014 WWW.UPANDCOMINGWEEKLY.COM One of the things I enjoy most about travel is reading the local section of the newspaper where we are staying. Distant local sections have colorful stories that will never appear in Fayetteville. This is one such story from the Washington Post about the impact of progress on a courageous American entrepreneur, the honorable John Kenny. We went to Washington, D.C. for the 4th of July to plunge into all things patriotic and of museum quality. As a bonus, I learned the sad story of Mr. Kenny, whose business is about to be crushed beneath the wheels of progress under the Metro subway's new Silver Line. The Metro is dropping Kenny's store off the Tallahatchie Bridge into the Potomac. Not even World Cup hero Tim Howard can save him. Ayn Rand would be proud of Kenny. Her fictional hero, John Galt, from the now mostly unread chloroform of a book, Atlas Shrugged, would not at all be surprised at the evil government crushing Kenny's entrepreneurial spirit by construction of mass transit. Consider if you will, this case study of governmental over reaching and resulting tragedy which has befallen our hero of Capitalism, John Kenny. John Kenny sells sex toys. Lots and lots of sex toys. If you need a marital aid, he's got it. He is a captain of industry in the world of sex toys. He owns an expanding chain of "Couples Boutiques" in the DC area. Kenny is a champion of the First Amendment. He has had to fight to locate his emporiums of ecstasy. No stranger to battling do-gooder neighbors, city councils and cranky preservationists, John smote them all into submission each time they fought him over locating a new Couples Boutique. John has 14 sex shops including one in Alexandria across the street from where some of the Founding Fathers slept during the Revolutionary War. Damn the neighbors, full steam ahead for Couples Boutiques. Despite John's ability to put his sex shops where he wants them, the Post story explains he is about to be vanquished by meddling government bureaucrats who planned the Metro's new route. This month, the Metro opens its new Silver Line near Tyson's Corner where his Fairfax adult mega store currently nestles in a strip mall. John's 5,600 square feet of adult novelties for sale will ultimately be as homeless as the hordes of Central American children crossing over from Mexico. The Silver Line is bringing commercial development in the form of giant office buildings, which will rise where John's sex shop is now located. John is losing his lease. Another piece of America is done. Uncaring real-estate developers, who obviously are unconcerned about the happiness of opposite sex lawfully married couples, have bought up the land where John's store is located. They will erect towering office buildings in a mega complex called Tysons Central near the new Metro stop. The horror. The horror. Soon we will be left asking, "Where have all the latex novelties and adult videos gone, long time passing?/Gone to office buildings every one." John runs a classy chain of sex shoppes. The Post article quotes him saying, "We don't cater to what I call the raincoat crowd." John sells only unadulterated aristocratic adult novelties. His is a Downton Abbey- style chain of adult stores. John's clientele always holds their pinky upright when handling a marital aid as if drinking a cup of high tea with the Queen herself. John has put the genteel into genitalia. Right now you are probably asking yourself, "Self, what can I do to prevent this impending collapse from occurring in the world of sex shops?" The answer is nothing. It is a fait accompli. Even if we all pull together and clap our hands, Tinker Bell won't die, but John's Couples Boutique in Fairfax will fizzle. Despite the impending loss of one location of the Couples Boutique, the future is not totally limp in John's world of marital aids. John's going out of business sale at the Couples Boutique will be a classic exercise in restraints, good taste and edible underwear. As the Beach Boys once sang in a slightly different context, life remains filled with "Good vibrations." John's going out of business sale will be no different. Hie thee off to D.C., when the big sale takes place. Take a passel of credit cards and bring an empty suitcase to fill with discounted happiness products from the Couples Boutique. 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Help the Building Fund at Harvest Baptist Church and Anna Ruth Ministries • New Tires • Less than 5400 actual miles • New carburetor on generator • Interior in excellent condition • Sleeps six If interested, call: Pastor Tadlock, Harvest Baptist Church • Hope Mills, NC • 910-584-4687 A ticket can be received for a $100 tax deductible donation. Only 500 tickets to be sold. Drawing will be held Monday, Dec. 15th or as soon as all printed tickets are sold. In the event that all tickets are not sold, the winning ticket will receive 1/2 of the proceeds. PITT DICKEY, Attorney. Columnist. COMMENTS? Editor@upandcomin- gweekly.com. 910.484.6200. The End of an Era for a DC Couples Boutique by PITT DICKEY A new train line is set to derail business as usual for a DC Couples Boutique.