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4B Daily News – Wednesday, June 15, 2011 FEATURES Tactless tyrant turns tot to tool Dear Annie: Two years ago, my son began dating ‘‘Layla,’’ who then became pregnant. I went out of my way to include her in our family. I bought maternity clothes and baby outfits, took her out for lunch and paid for her to join us on a family cruise. Layla e-mailed everyone to stay away from the hos- pital the day of the baby’s birth, as she wanted ‘‘bond- ing time.’’ I asked my son if I could bring flowers. He said ‘‘fine’’ and met me at the hospital. He invited me to get a peek at the baby through the window. I didn’t see Layla, but when she heard I had been there, she became extremely angry, and later, requests to see my new grandson were rebuffed. I sent an e-mail apologizing for upsetting her. I also suggested we seek counseling together. In response, she ‘‘unfriended’’ me from her Facebook page, sent me a list of all of my ‘‘wrongdoings’’ and told me I was not allowed to contact my son anymore. My son said he had to side with Layla because she is the mother of his child. My grandson is now a year old. I saw a therapist who recommended I distance myself, which I have done. My son finally called to say he is marrying Layla in two months. He said they want to meet with me in a Annie’s Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar public place to discuss the possibility of allowing me back into their lives, but with strict conditions. I told my son the only way I would do this is if both of them first agreed not to keep me from my grandchild without good reason. I said the boy would be horribly affected if his parents bounced family members in and out of his life. He replied, ‘‘Our baby, our terms,’’ and I haven’t heard from them since. It has taken me months to get back on an even keel, and I never want to go through this pain again. Am I obligated to go to the wed- ding? Should I write them out of my life? Is there anything else I can do? — Numb in Nevada Dear Numb: Layla sounds like a control freak, and your son has no spine. However, as the parents, they get to set the boundaries when it comes to their child, like it or not. If you want to see your grandson, you will have to play by their rules. It won’t be easy, but it can be done. Only you can decide if it’s worth the price. Dear Annie: There is a girl at my camp who keeps insulting my fami- ly. She calls them ‘‘stupid,’’ ‘‘annoy- ing’’ and ‘‘lowlife losers.’’ I have asked her to stop, but she won’t. My parents know, but aren’t much help. I also talked to a counselor about it, but that didn’t work, either. It is hard sitting there doing noth- ing. Listening to her just makes me so angry. I need to know how to take care of this. — T.T. Dear T.T.: This girl is trying to get a rise out of you, so the best thing to do is ignore her completely, as if you cannot hear her. You also could talk to your camp counselor or camp administrator about her abusive behavior, and check kid- shealth.org for additional tips on dealing with bullies. Dear Annie: This is for ‘‘Lost,’’ whose husband is on drugs. The marriage is over, but she is afraid to leave because she has no money and no job. Please tell her to go to a women’s shelter, which can be found through her local police or sheriff’s depart- ment. The shelter I was in provided counseling for my children and me, and helped with employment and housing. Please tell her not to give up. Help is out there, but you have to reach out and find it. — No Name in Alabama Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Shasta Koi & Water Garden Club Pond Tour The Shasta Koi & Water Garden Club will be hosting a self-guided Pond Tour from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. on Saturday, June 25. This year the tour con- sists several lovely ponds in the Redding area. Share in the enjoyment of hav- ing Koi, fancy goldfish and beautiful water plants in relaxing backyard set- tings. Tickets are $10 for adults and children under 12 are free. You will receive a guidebook giving directions to and a description of each pond. Tickets are now on sale at the following stores: Cottonwood Shasta Feed; Red Bluff Mike’s Pools & More, Red Bluff Garden Center. The Shasta Koi & Water Garden Club is a club formed by a group of happy water enthusiasts. The club meets the third Saturday of each month at a member’s house. For more information, contact 917-0930. Grief workshop postponed until fall “Grief: The Journey of Healing” has been rescheduled to Sep. 13 due to an emergency family cancer surgery. All of us are touched at some time in life by death and significant loss. Navigating the course through grief and learning to live again without our beloved other or the change that has occurred in life can be daunting and overwhelming. The journey of healing leads us into the dark hallways of denial, bar- gaining, anger, depression and finally at acceptance where we learn to come to terms with life without our sacred other, whether it be a parent, sibling, spouse or friend. “Grief: The Journey of Healing” is an evening of remembering our beloved other, reflecting upon the life shared, coping with significant loss and the journey of healing while allowing ourselves the space and support to express our grief and loss through contemplation, reflec- tion, music, silence and ritual. Mercy Hospice and Lynn E. Fritz, Licensed Marriage and Fami- ly Therapist, are collaborating to offer this evening for all those grieving the loss of a loved one. Join Lynn E. Fritz, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and co-presenter Emily Sawyer, Mercy Hospice Supervisor Volunteer and Bereavement Programs from 7 to OH, Beautiful, For Spacious Skies …. A Tehama County Celebration of Independence Day Weekend, 2011 Advertising Reservations Deadline: Wednesday, June 22 Published with the full run of the Daily News on Friday, July 1 Plus 1,000 extra copies for local freestanding distribution! A compendium of events across the region honoring the birth of our nation and the freedoms we enjoy, which make us the greatest nation in the world. Fireworks Displays when and where, from Butte and Glenn Counties, Tehama and Shasta Counties Parades Public Events and Festivals Everything 4th of July happening July 1 through 4 in the North State, all in one publication. Full Page Size American Flag/Poster to Display In Your Window All Weekend! Winning Essays from the Daily News’ patriotic Essay Contest This year’s theme: “What Makes America Unique as a Nation?” Call your Daily News Advertising Representative TODAY! D NEWSAILY (530) 527-2151 RED BLUFF TEHAMACOUNTY 8:30 p.m. on Tuesday, Sept. 13. The evening will be in the beautiful out- door setting of Mercy Oaks, 100 Mercy Oaks Drive, Redding, with Native American flute music pro- vided by Joey Carroll. Those in attendance are invited to bring a picture of their loved one(s) or a symbol representing the individual(s) and the loss they have experienced. The evening is free, open to the public of all ages and no advanced reservations are required. Attendees are encouraged to arrive early. For more information call Lynn Fritz at 243-8862 or Mercy Hospice at 245-4070. Event flyers and information are available at www.lynnfritz.com. Torticollis really is a pain the neck DEAR DR. GOTT: I have been diagnosed with tor- ticollis. I am 60 years old but was diagnosed with the condition about 25 years ago. The doctor said it was a mild case and did- n’t feel it would get any worse. Well, it seems to be doing just that, especially if I have any stress in my life. This has put such limita- tions on the types of activi- ties I participate in. Plus, I feel as if everyone is star- ing at me because of the turning of my head to the right. What do you know about this condition, and could you please tell me what my options are for treatment? Thank you so much for any advice or suggestions you might have. DEAR READER: Torti- collis, otherwise known as a spasmodic torticollis or cervical dystonia, is essen- tially a painful, twisted neck in which the neck muscles involuntarily con- tract, causing the head to tip to the right or left instead of remaining upright and centered in the middle of the shoulders. The condition may be either inherited due to a gene modification or acquired as a result of injury or damage to the nervous system or muscles. It can develop any time from childhood to adult- hood but most commonly affects middle-aged adults, with women being more prone than men. Symptoms include neck pain, head tremor, limited range of motion of the head and headache. Because of the pull to one side, the muscles of the neck may be stiff and swelling may be present. Diagnosis can often be made through visual exam- ination only. When ques- tions remain MRI, EMG and laboratory testing may be appropriate. Acquired torticollis is often treated with heat, cer- vical-spine traction, mas- sage, stress-reduction tech- niques, sufficient rest, exer- cise and for some individu- als, the judicious use of a REDDING — The Shasta College Community Chorale will be holding auditions during the first three weeks of the Fall 2011 term, starting Aug. 15. The choir is seeking new members for a program of choral music to be per- formed in December. The Chorale meets on Monday evenings at 7 p.m. in the Choral Room Dr. Peter Gott neck brace to reduce muscle spasms. Medica- tion may include muscle relaxants, pain medications, drugs commonly prescribed for Parkinson’s dis- ease, or botox. The latter will provide almost immediate — albeit tempo- rary — improvement; how- ever, the procedure will have to be repeated three to four times a year. Surgery for adults is an option when all else fails but is a com- mon consideration for very young infants and young children. DEAR DR. GOTT: I have a bunion on the edge of my right foot at the base of my little toe. It is sore and is about 4 years old. The foot doctor has cut part of my shoe away at the edge so the bunion does not rub up against the edge of the shoe. Before I bandage it, I put antibiotic ointment or Neosporin Pain Relief ointment on it, but neither seems to help the pain. Do you have any suggestions I could follow to relieve the pain and not have to wear this funny-looking shoe? DEAR READER: Bunions form at the base of the big or little toe. The cause for yours to form may have been from wear- ing high-heeled, narrow- toed or poorly fitting shoes. Considering that you have had it for four years, we might consider options to include a modi- fication of your footwear to sandals or something wider, supports, rest, bunion splint, an OTC pain reliever or bunionectomy to realign the toe. If your quality of life is affected, speak with your doctor as to what he or she believes is the appropriate next step. Dr. Peter H. Gott is a retired physician and the author of several books, including “Live Longer, Live Better,” “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Diet” and “Dr. Gott’s No Flour, No Sugar Cookbook,” which are available at most bookstores or online. His website is www.AskDrGottMD.com. Vocal auditions scheduled in fall 638 on the Shasta College campus. The projected works for this term include a variety of holiday choral music, both secular and sacred. Men and women who have some basic musical skill and a desire to sing are welcome. For further information, call 242- 2367.