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2B Daily News – Monday, May 30, 2011 FEATURES Loneliness leave lamentable lass longing Dear Readers: Today is Memorial Day. We know for many, this is simply part of a long weekend. But we hope you will keep in mind the rea- son behind the holiday — a day to remember those ser- vicemen and women who have died serving their coun- try. Please honor our fallen heroes by visiting cemeteries and placing flags or flowers on the graves of veterans. It is also customary to fly the flag at half-staff until noon. Dear Annie: I’ve been married to ‘‘Joseph’’ for 40 years. Joseph has always enjoyed building birdhouses, which he sells at flea markets or gives away. Since his retirement three years ago, he has been building them con- stantly. When he’s not lost in the base- ment building, he’s on Facebook or checking e-mail. And when he’s not doing that, he’s watching TV or sleep- ing. We don’t share e-mail accounts, and we don’t have the same taste in television programming, so we are rarely in the same room. We share nothing, and we seldom talk. We have two married children who live in dif- ferent states, and we see them a few times a year. I feel like a widow. Annie’s Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar Here’s the problem: I recently ran into an old friend, and he invited me to lunch. I never would have done this in the past, but I’ve been so depressed lately, I decided to go. Annie, it was wonderful. We talked, laughed and caught up on old times, and I truly felt like someone was interested in me. When I got home, I told Joseph about my lunch date. He became upset and jealous, which surprised me. He demanded that I never have lunch with this man again. But, Annie, I’d like to see him again. I’m not looking for an affair, but it was just so nice to talk to someone. I think about that lunch all the time. Joseph has become even more dis- tant since then. Is it true that when one has a bad marriage, an affair is sure to happen? What should I do? — Feeling Alone Dear Feeling Alone: Meeting this man again could definitely lead to trouble — not only because your unhappiness makes you vulnerable to an affair, but because your husband would never trust you again. It is obvious that you are feeling lonely, and it would help if you could express those feelings to Joseph. In the mean- time, we recommend you occupy your time and meet new people through volunteer organizations, local theater productions, choirs, political groups, book clubs and other activi- ties. If none of that helps, please con- sider counseling — with or without your husband. Dear Annie: ‘‘Michigan’’ wrote that she is concerned about losing her two sons when they grow up and marry. I am one of three daughters-in- law. We are all in constant contact with my in-laws. In addition to family gath- erings, my husband and his brothers all visit their parents on their own from time to time. The wives encourage these visits, as we are all very close to our ‘‘second mom and dad.’’ My own father was the eldest of three brothers, and they spent many holidays with their mother, along with their wives and children. Please assure ‘‘Michigan’’ that boys do not have to disappear from their parents’ lives, but that their choice of bride will probably have some bear- ing on the future relationships. She should continue to make her children feel loved, and hopefully they will choose a wife who will also want to nurture that connection. — Also Grew Up in Michigan 10 ways to simplify your life If the rising costs of trying to keep up with the demands of your life are making you feel like you're on a runaway train, take a deep breath and consider this: The best way to bring your lifestyle in line with your income is to simpli- fy. It's good for the soul, too. 1. Stop directing your goals toward the acquisition of more and more things. Before you buy anoth- er appliance, the latest fad or the newest model, ask yourself these questions: Do I really need this? Will buying it make my life better? 2. Buy used instead of new. Per- fectly good used items are the biggest bargain around. Take com- puters, for example. A nice model a year or two old can be purchased for a few hundred dollars, compared to $1,000 or more for a new one. And the fact is, few people need the power of the new model anyway. Same with cars. A late-model used car costs a third less than a new car and will run dependably just as long. 3. When you do buy new, go for simplicity. Most consumer goods are loaded with features most people will never need or use. These fea- tures drive up the cost of the product enormously. Ask yourself, when was the last time you used your DVR's fancy program- ming features or changed the settings on your dishwasher? And your camera or phone, do they really need replacing? 4. Use up the goods you have. Drive that car until the wheels fall off. The same advice holds for appliances, clothes and all sorts of items. Stop throwing out or replacing perfectly good things that still work. 5. If you must get rid of serviceable goods, don't take them to the dump. Recycle by donat- ing them to charitable groups that will see they are put back into service. 6. Cut down your waste. Recycle new American house has grown by 40 percent since 1970. Three and four bathrooms are common these days, as are huge rooms with high ceilings, which make them more expensive to heat and cool. It's time that we started questioning this edifice complex. Ditto for big gas- guzzling cars, too. 8. Set an economical Mary Hunt Everyday Cheapskate newspapers, plastic and paper, if you're not doing so already. Start a compost pile if you've got a bit of land available. 7. Think smaller. The average example for your children. By acting with conserva- tion in mind, you lead with your deeds. Trying to fulfill your child's every material desire sends two wrong messages: that all is easily attainable, and that baubles are worth having even if you can't afford them. 9. Cut down on your dri- ving and shuttling your kids around. You'll not only save gas, you'll save wear and tear on yourself and your family. 10. Make a positive difference in your community. Pitch in on pro- jects that serve everyone, and encourage your children to do the same. Rare disorder causes chronic skin condition DEAR DR. GOTT: I have an open wound on my leg that my sur- geon thought was an infection. After eight surgeries, I was eventually diagnosed (by a dermatologist) with a rare immune-system disorder called pyoderma gangrenosum. I still have the open wound after two years. It is heal- ing very slowly. Please tell me what you know about this condition. Dr. Peter Gott sions, may worsen existing lesions and/or cause new ones to develop. In cases of severe ulceration, skin grafting or debrid- ing (cleaning away dead skin/tissue) can be beneficial but must be done carefully, prefer- ably by a skilled DEAR READER: Pyo- derma gangrenosum is a rare skin condition that causes slow-healing, painful ulcers to form, typ- ically on the legs. The cause is not currently known but is thought to be an abnormal immune response. About half of all sufferers have an underly- ing immune disorder. Health conditions that may be related include rheuma- toid arthritis, lupus, vas- culitis, leukemia, sarcoido- sis, hepatitis and, particu- larly, inflammatory-bowel diseases, such as ulcerative colitis and Crohn’s disease. Lesions typically start as one or more small, red bumps that can resemble a spider bite that progresses to become a painful, open wound with a reddish-pur- ple border. Other symp- toms include a general feeling of poor health, achy joints and bone pain. Scarring is common. If an underlying health condition is associated with pyoderma gangreno- sum, treating it may help control the sores, but often direct treatment of the ulcers will also be neces- sary. The primary course of action is oral steroids, which reduce inflamma- tion and somewhat sup- press the immune system. Mild cases may require only topical steroids. Because side effects are common, it is important to use the lowest dosage that provides results for the shortest period of time. Other drugs include immunosuppresant med- ications, tumor necrosis factor inhibitors, nons- teroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs) and high- dose intravenous immuno- globin. Surgery isn’t commonly considered an option because skin trauma, including surgical inci- surgeon familiar with pyo- derma gangrenosum. With treatment, healing typically occurs within several months. Without it, the sores may remain the same, worsen or heal even more slowly than those with treatment. Sufferers should be gentle with their skin and take care to avoid injury. It is important to follow your physician’s care instruc- tions in order to speed healing and reduce scar- ring. DEAR DR. GOTT: Many of us have lived the frustration of trying to get help for a mentally ill adult daughter. Because the brain is the dysfunctioning organ in this illness, the person has no insight into the condition and, thus, refuses to help. Most men- tally ill people know how to “shape up” when appearing before a judge so it’s difficult to have the person deemed a “danger to themselves or others,” which is the criteria for forced treatment in most states. The tragic part is the fine line between danger- ous and non-dangerous and, way too often, the first evidence that would enable this classification causes death or injury to an inno- cent person or a mentally ill person. I would recom- mend that parents attend a support group in their area for families of the mentally ill. A good place to start is www.NAMI.org. DEAR READER: You are correct that forcing treatment can be incredibly difficult and often leads to hard feelings, even though it is for the patient’s bene- fit. NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, is one of the leading men- tal-health advocacy organi- zations in the United States. They work to pro- vide and improve support, education, advocacy and research. You can learn more about them and the services they provide on their website or by calling (800) 950-NAMI (6264). Support our classrooms, keep kids reading. DONATE YOUR VACATION newspaper dollars to the Newspaper In Education Program HELP OUR CHILDREN For more details call Circulation Department (530) 527-2151 D NEWSAILY RED BLUFF TEHAMACOUNTY T H E V O I C E O F T E H A M A C O U N T Y S I N C E 1 8 8 5 PHONE: (530) 527-2151 FAX: (530) 527-5774 545 Diamond Avenue • P.O. Box 220 • Red Bluff, CA 96080