Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/31618
Saturday, May 14, 2011 – Daily News 5A Severe spouse snubs scions Abnormality needs second opinion Dear Annie: Two years ago, my wife and our 25- year-old daughter had a falling out right after our son’s wedding. They talk during family get-togeth- ers, but otherwise haven’t spoken in the past six months. Mean- while, my newly married son moved to his wife’s home- town five hours away. My wife is now con- vinced that our daughter- in-law is scheming to cre- ate a family rift and is manipulating the fights with our daughter. I don’t agree, but my wife says I must take her side and have nothing to do with our kids until they apolo- gize to her. This has caused tremendous fric- tion in our marriage. I want my kids in my life. We have tried couples counseling with little suc- cess. Short of walking away after 32 years, I don’t know what to do. Is it wrong for me to give up? — Caught in the Mid- dle Annie’s Mailbox by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar not yours. And it might help to point out that a future reconcilia- tion is more likely if one of you remains in touch. Dear Annie: My husband and I regularly send checks or gift cards to our grandchildren on their birthdays and at Christmas. The older the children become the less often we receive any acknowledg- ment. With communication today being so quick and easy, I find it extremely disappointing that a sim- ple e-mail cannot be sent with the words, ‘‘Thank you for the gift.’’ It does- n’t require a card, a stamp or a walk to the mailbox. Should I say anything to my children and grand- children? — Disappointed Grandmother Dear Caught: Your wife could be right about the daughter-in-law, but even so, it serves no pur- pose to demand an apolo- gy from someone who isn’t likely to give one. Your wife also sounds like a difficult person. Has she always been like this? Some women have extreme mood swings during menopause. Please ask your wife to see her gynecologist about this possibility. We also rec- ommend informing her that you will absolutely not take sides. If she does- n’t wish to speak to her children, that’s her choice, Discount rabies clinic in Redding A rabies vaccina- tion day for dogs will be held 9 a.m. to noon Thursday, May 19, at Redding City Hall south lawn, 777 Cypress Ave. Rabies vaccina- tions are only $6 at this event, giving pet owners a signifi- cant savings, said Dr. Ray John, CEO of Haven Humane Soci- ety. The next rabies clinic is set for 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. Satur- day, June 4, at Haven Humane, 7449 East- side Road, during the Dog-A-Thon Festi- val. For more informa- tion, call 241-1658. WE’RE CLEANING OUT THE BACK & MOVING IT INTO THE PARKING LOT. MATTRESS SETS AS LOW AS $149 RECLINERS FROM $199 SAVE BIG THIS WEEKEND! FRIDAY, SATURDAY & SUNDAY DINETTES STARTING AT $149 MISC. BARSTOOLS FROM $49 ONE OF A KIND CHAIRS $19 SOFA LOVE SEATS SETS FROM $699 BARGAINS THROUGHOUT THE STORE MARKED DOWN TO MOVE! BRING YOUR TRUCK Furniture DEPOT www.thefurnituredepot.net HOURS: MONDAY-FRIDAY 9:00-6:00 SATURDAY 9:00-5:00 • SUNDAY 11:00-5:00 235 S Main St., Red Bluff • 530 527-1657 Dear Grandmother: Of course. Children need to be taught the importance of acknowledging a gift. If their parents have not done so, it is perfectly OK for you to call, text or e- mail your grandchild and say, ‘‘Did you receive the gift I sent for your birth- day? Did you like it? Please let me know.’’ Once they get a bit older, if they continue to ignore this obligation, feel free to tell them you will stop sending gifts since they apparently don’t appreci- ate receiving them. Dear Annie: I am a retired probation officer and would like to offer some suggestions to ‘‘Marriage on the Rocks,’’ whose 51-year-old step- son lives rent-free in their trailer and may be using drugs. 1. Call the police and FEATURES DEAR DR. GOTT: I am a 60- have their drug team search your property, house and trailer for drugs or paraphernalia. If the stepson has any illegal substances, he goes to jail. Police don’t need a war- rant if you invite them to search your property. 2. Sell or put the trailer in storage. 3. Set conditions for the stepson to live at home, and enforce them. If he doesn’t abide by the terms, enroll him at a local homeless shelter. 4. Get a blood test to check for drugs, and make the tests sporadic and unannounced. If he tests positive for an illegal sub- stance, kick him out. Peace of mind is better than second-guessing at a funeral. I know from per- sonal experience. 5. When you put him out of the house, do it with a crisis intervention team, and let him leave for treat- ment with the crisis inter- vention counselor. This way you don’t come off looking like a jerk. — Shaggy Dear Shaggy: Your suggestions are strict but reasonable. And if the stepson is not, in fact, using drugs, points 2 and 3 still apply. But we doubt Mom will go along. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.n et, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. year-old female. My ophthalmolo- gist diagnosed me with an eye con- dition called retinitis pigmentosa (RP). I would like a second opinion. I know this is an incurable disease and I am rapidly going blind. Any information on slowing down the disease as well as diagnosing it would be greatly appreciated. If I am able to obtain a second opinion, what tests should I have to confirm the diagnosis? Should I have genetic test- ing done? Dr. Peter Gott DEAR READER: You have damage to the retina, an area at the back of the inner portion of the eye that converts images to nerve signals and sends them on to the brain. Generally speaking, the cells that control night vision are likely to be affect- ed; however, in some instances, retinal cone cells are damaged more. Symptoms can appear in childhood, with visual difficulties developing years later. A person with retinitis pigmentosa may lose peripheral or central vision, and he or she may have difficulty seeing at night or when there is minimal light avail- able. Testing the retina is varied and may include dilating the pupils and examining the retina, determining visual acuity, per- forming refraction testing or retinal pho- tography and a host of other possibilities. Protecting the eyes from ultraviolet light by wearing sunglasses may preserve vision. There are ongoing studies about the potential benefit of omega-3 fatty acids and one type of RP does respond to vitamin A. Your disorder will progress slowly. Peripheral vision is the first to go. Central vision loss is a late finding. You may also be faced with early cataracts or macular edema (retinal swelling). If you should develop cataracts that obstruct your vision, they can be removed surgi- cally. There are other conditions that behave in a similar fashion to retinitis pigmentosa. They include Laurence-Moon syndrome, Friedreich’s ataxia, myotonic dystrophy, mucopolysaccharidosis and Usher syn- drome. Therefore, I believe you are accu- rate in asking whether a second opinion is in line. My guess is that you are unsure whether your insurance will allow a sec- ond opinion because I cannot imagine your physician would deny you the privi- lege of confirming the diagnosis. Because this is a hereditary disorder, you might request genetic counseling to determine whether your children or siblings are at risk as well. DEAR DR. GOTT: About 10 years ago, I was diagnosed with tardive dyskinesia, also known as TD. My tongue moved (wiggled) involuntary, continuously. A doctor said it would continue the rest of my life. This was distressing so I decided to fight it. I pressed my tongue tightly in my mouth to stop the movement. Then one morning I awoke and realized my tongue wasn’t moving. Then it started moving immedi- ately. I thought perhaps it didn’t move when it was in a state of relaxation. During childbirth classes, I learned the technique of relaxing. When I relaxed my tongue with a conscious effort, it stopped moving. Eventually, the movement stopped. I hope this method will help some peo- ple with this disturbing affliction. DEAR READER: Tardive dyskinesia typically occurs after a patient has taken high doses of certain medications, over an extended period of time. It causes involun- tary, repetitive tic-like movements — especially in the muscles of the face. TD is a result of damage to the body’s systems that use and process dopamine, a bio- chemical substance produced in the brain. It functions as a neurotransmitter to regu- late emotion and movement within the body. There are several medications that can cause symptoms of TD to include those for nasal allergies, mental illness and digestive disorders such as heartburn caused by GI reflux. One such digestive disorder drug is metoclopramide, sold under the name of Reglan in the United States. In 2004, a study of the medica- tion’s effect on older women found an increased risk for developing symptoms of TD. By early 2009, the Food and Drug Administration issued a black-box warn- ing to this effect. Treatment is commonly achieved through prevention in a couple of ways. The first is by changing the offending drug to another brand or lowering the dosage. Discontinuing the medication may be an option for some and often reverses TD, but sometimes it is permanent. As you so cleverly pointed out, it can be done through relaxation techniques. Some suc- cess has been noted for severe localized problems by using Botox.