Up & Coming Weekly

Margaret Dickson, State Representative and Contributing Writer COMMENTS? 484-6200 ext. 222 or call 919-733-5776 or email MARGARETD@NCLEG.NET September has been a wretched month for manners. The distress has cut across high profi le segments of our culture — politics, sports and entertainment. First, South Carolina Congressman Joe Wilson shouts "You lie!" to the President of the United States during a joint session of Congress in front of not only the assembled Senators and Representatives who lead our nation but before the entire world, via television. Then tennis champion Serena Williams lost it big time at the U.S. Open and laid down a very unlady-like, profanity-laced tirade to a line judge who made a call that did not suit her. Adding to the rudeness index, singer Kanye West bumfuzzled everyone by storming the stage at the MTV Video Music Awards while another singer was accepting an award. West grabbed the microphone from a fl abbergasted 17-year-old Taylor Swift to opine that while she was a good performer someone else was actually better and more deserving of the award. Even I had a fi rst-hand brush with astounding rudeness earlier in the summer when I received an e-mail from a local physician who was unhappy with North Carolina's proposed budget. He called me a "jack***." As we might expect, apologies fl owed almost immediately. The shouting Congressman correctly apologized to the President for his offensive lapse of decorum in the most offi cial of settings. Williams apologized, too, saying she was "in the moment" and that she is not a robot but a human being with feelings. West apologized for his boorish behavior on his Web site, apparently unwilling or unable to do so personally to the performer he insulted. Even my mad doc apologized after I e-mailed back to say his mother might be embarrassed by such name-calling behavior. Then everyone but the mad doc went on television to talk about it. The Congressman says his campaign coffers are overfl owing with contributions from people around the country who apparently approve of his hollering at the President. Maybe so, but it is worth noting that his declared political challenger took in over a million dollars from people offended by the Congressman's behavior. Williams accepted a $10,000 fi ne and is now cutting a demure and feminine fi gure on camera, apparently hoping folks will remember that and not the x-rated language she spewed at the line judge. For his part, West is telling interviewers about the "hurt" in his life and saying "I need to …take some time off and analyze how I am gonna make it through the rest of my life." He is 32. My mad doc, however, e-mailed again to retract his apology after the state budget was adopted. What is going on here? We Southerners like to think we have good manners, and almost everyone's mothers and grandmothers have quoted some version of the adage about "catching more fl ies with honey than with vinegar." Mine also added a few thoughts that manners are the oil that lubricates a diverse society so that we can all live together without fi st fi ghts erupting in Congress, or offi cials getting hit on the head with tennis racquets or people shoving each other into the orchestra pit. It has been my experience, in fact, that almost no one is won over to another person's point of view by insults, profanity, aggression or general bad behavior. I fi nd that people of all backgrounds and opinions respond to being treated with respect and to the use of a reasonable, even neutral, conversational tone. I am encouraged that the recent lack of civility on a grand and public scale is getting a great deal of critical attention. Thoughtful people are stepping back and asking why this is occurring. Is it because we are such a diverse culture? Is it because the explosion of media outlets now provides something for everyone so that we can reinforce our own beliefs and behaviors and disregard everyone else's? Is it a virus like H1N1 fl u? Should we develop a vaccine? In a bow to our times, there is even a Web site promoting civility. Founded by a conservative Republican and a liberal Democrat, the civility project www.civilityproject.org invites us to take the "civility pledge." It is simple, and here it is: I will be civil in my public discourse and behavior. I will be respectful of others whether or not I agree with them. I will stand against incivility when I see it. The pledge is a gentle reminder to those who need it that, "No, it is not all about you. " It is about all of us living together if not in love and harmony, then at least in a way that does not hurt each other unnecessarily or provoke avoidable ill will. It is about living together civilly. My mother and grandmother would be so relieved. Uncivil Unrest by MARGARET DICKSON THIS WEEK WITH MARGARET THIS WEEK WITH MARGARET SEPTEMBER 23-29, 2009 UCW 5 t(FOFSBM"XBSEPG&YDFMMFODF #FTU"OUJRVF4UPSF Rep. Joe Wilson Serena Williams Kanye West taking the mic from Taylor Swift

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