Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/255268
5B Wednesday, February 5, 2014 – Daily News DILBERT Scott Adams PEARLS BEFORE SWINE Stephan Pastis PICKLES Brian Crane BABY BLUES Jerry Scott & Rick Kirkman GET FUZZY Darby Conley ZITS Jerry Scott & Jim Borgman SHERMAN'S LAGOON Jim Toomey ARGYLE SWEATER Scott Hilburn BIZARRO Dan Piraro DEAR CAROLYN » I was in a relationship that ended (mostly mutually) almost a year ago. I have made peace with its ending because it was bad for both of us. She took me for granted and I became a version of myself that I really hated (a doormat). I moved away not long after the breakup and we have not seen each other but are still in con- tact. I still care about her, but have no interest in history repeating itself. Problem is, she is trou- bled — childhood trauma, personality disorder(s) — and leans on me every time something bad hap- pens. She lashes out when my support isn't "enough," and every so often she lashes out at me for not visiting her, which would require a significant trip and at least one night stay. She becomes belligerent and confrontational, and I feel her expectations of me are unfair. Most of the time she is a good, caring friend whom I love dearly. But I am growing very tired of the guilt trips and con- frontation. I don't want to cut her out of my life, but I don't know how to deal with this situation at all. — D.S. DEAR D.S. » She's still taking you for granted. If that's what you want, then who am I to talk you out of it — but you don't owe it to anybody to take such abuse. If your history with and fondness for her obligate you in any way, in fact, you owe it to her not to take her abuse. Having a loving doormat handy is one way emotionally unhealthy people can postpone doing the hard work they need. Meanwhile, people who need good, professional mental health care often are the last to recognize or admit this to themselves. This enabling mimics an addiction, sating you both short-term but stunt- ing you both over time, so it must stop. It's easier than you might think, especially since you moved. That means your "still in contact" is all happening via one communications technology or another, which means you can sim- ply choose not to respond. "I'll be happy to reply/talk to you when you're calm," you say/text/type, followed by silence while she isn't calm and support when she is. When your "support isn't 'enough,'" this is your new mantra: "I'm not equipped to give you the help you need." Suggest she see a therapist, help her find one, but don't serve as an untrained substitute for one. You can learn more about this by calling the National Alliance on Mental Illness, 1-800-950-NAMI. If she doesn't respect the new boundaries you set for her, then you will need to use that unlocked exit, for good. And if you find you're not able to set or enforce these boundaries to begin with, then consider ther- apy of your own. Saying "no" when your well-being demands it isn't mean, it's a gesture of strength and love. Unhealthy relationship needs a shift in a better direction Carolyn Hax Ask Carolyn Email Carolyn Hax at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/ carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com. Sudoku Instructions: The object is to place the numbers 1 to 9 in the empty squares so that each row, each column and each 3x3 box contains the number only once. Answer to Previous Puzzle Celebrity Cipher By Luis Campos Instructions: Celebrity Cipher cryptograms are created from quotations by famous people, past and present. Each letter in the cipher stands for another. NEA Crossword Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 19) — You should involve yourself in physical activities that will help you get into shape. You will also find time to catch up on overdue correspondence. Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20) — Improve your surroundings. Invest in items that will add to your comfort. Use your skills to gain respect and recognition. Aries (March 21-April 19) — You can outtalk and outsmart anyone who challenges you. Present your ideas and concerns before you agree to take on a job or responsibility. Taurus (April 20-May 20) — Your best efforts will be appreciated and lead to greater opportunity. Follow the direc- tion that is best suited to your talents and skills. Gemini (May 21-June 20) — Rise to the occasion. Put your energy to good use. Take the ex- tra step if it will help you finish what you start. Your versatility and quick action will attract an interesting someone. Cancer (June 21-July 22) — Confusion or uncertainty must not be what stands between you and a decision that can alter your future. Evaluate your position and make a move. Avoid excessive individuals. Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) — Get ready for action and take on responsibility. Your leadership ability may be challenged, but in the end you will come out on top. Show enthusiasm if you want to attract attention. Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) — Deal with personal business that has the potential to influ- ence your financial future. An older friend or relative is likely to challenge one of your decisions. Patience will be required. Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) — Travel for business or pleasure will lead to information and the ability to make a good decision. Don't share the information that you discover until you feel you are in a strong position. Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 22) — Do whatever it takes to secure money matters and pending legal affairs. Lending or borrowing will lead to trust is- sues. Listen carefully to what's being offered. Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 21) — Network, share ideas and build good relationships. An ad- venture or business trip will grab your attention and offer new possibilities. Jump into action. Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) — Get down to business and smooth out any wrinkles in a presentation you want to make. Attention to detail will make the difference between success and failure. Avoid joint ventures. Horoscope By Bernice Bede Osol WEDNESDAY, FEB. 5