Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/245656
Tuesday, January 21, 2014 – Daily News Woman seeks strategy to win the battle of the name change DEAR CAROLYN » I'm in a nearly four-year relationship that, while sometimes tumultuous, I am unlikely to leave (the myriad issues would take an entire online chat, but bottom line is that we have troubles, but love each other and are committed to each other). I've sacrificed a lot for this relationship, including moving into the exurbs — Carolyn the ultimate Hax sacrifice, Ask Carolyn to me! Lately we've had some heated debate about changing my name when we get married. I've built my career on my name and want to keep it professionally, which he objects to, even though I've said I'll change it legally and in every other sense except for work. How do I win this battle? I hate acrimony between us, but this one, I think, is just too important. — Anonymous DEAR ANONYMOUS » What have you "sacrificed" that wasn't "too important"? Besides where you live, that is. Your whole question is a red flag, to the extent that I can't give you the answer you want. That's because the way to "win this battle" in a healthy relationship is to say that it's important to you and that changing your name legally is as much of a compromise as you're willing to consider — at which point the person who loves you says, "Of course — all that really matters is that we're together. And you don't even have to change your name legally if that would upset you, though I appreciate your willingness to do that for me." No battle, no winning, just two people working together to take care of themselves and each other in a way that's fair. If you don't have that, then "love" and "commitment" are just chaining yourself to pain under the guise of a lofty purpose. You're especially vulnerable because you've decided upfront not to leave and to avoid confrontation. That's a recipe for suppressing yourself and your needs into oblivion in service of keeping the peace. Don't marry anyone who's not thrilled when you're 5B BABY BLUES Jerry Scott & Rick Kirkman ZITS Jerry Scott & Jim Borgman simply being yourself. DEAR CAROLYN » A friend and I were close but drifted apart. We still socialize together within group settings, but we haven't spent time together one-on-one in probably three years. She is getting married soon and I am not invited, though all of our mutual friends are. I was stung and embarrassed to be excluded. Then, recently, I ran into her by chance and I realized I missed being her friend. Now I am wondering if I should tell her that I miss her or if I should accept the non-invitation as her closing the book on our friendship. — Recoverable Friendship? Brian Crane PICKLES DEAR FRIENDSHIP » Just talk to her. "Hey, after I ran into you the other day, I realized I missed being your friend. Is what came between us anything I can repair?" Email Carolyn Hax at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/ carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com. Darby Conley GET FUZZY Sudoku Instructions: The object is to place the numbers 1 to 9 in the empty squares so that each row, each column and each 3x3 box contains the number only once. SHERMAN'S LAGOON Jim Toomey Answer to Previous Puzzle PEARLS BEFORE SWINE Stephan Pastis Celebrity Cipher By Luis Campos Instructions: Celebrity Cipher cryptograms are created from quotations by famous people, past and present. Each letter in the cipher stands for another. Scott Adams DILBERT BIZARRO Horoscope By Bernice Bede Osol TUESDAY, JAN. 21 Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 19) — If you stay informed and talk your way through complications, you'll be able to find solutions to whatever you face. Changes to your home will be beneficial. Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20) — If you are feeling run-down, allow yourself some time to rejuvenate. You can start a business partnership with a person who will add value to a project. Take care of yourself. Aries (March 21-April 19) — Don't be overcome by fits of anger. Focus on accomplishing reasonable things that will lead to personal satisfaction. It's a good day to check things off your list. Taurus (April 20-May 20) — You'll have momentum and should be able to complete your Dan Piraro ARGYLE SWEATER agenda. Creativity will lead to all sorts of interesting new projects. Love is on the rise. Gemini (May 21-June 20) — You may need to walk on eggshells, or you could end up in an argument with someone at home. Hold off on talks until late in the day to increase the likelihood of a more favorable outcome. Cancer (June 21-July 22) — Heed the advice of others and you will discover all sorts of salient details. Catch up on your emails. A relationship can thrive if you put in the hours. Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) — Learn from experience, especially when there is money involved. You can improve your financial future if you take a direction that you've wanted to pursue for some time. Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) — If you refuse to compromise, you will jeopardize a partnership. You may want to take on Scott Hilburn fewer projects. It's preferable to do one thing well than it is to do many things poorly. Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) — If you act fast and avoid procrastinating, you'll find success. Investments could shape the year ahead for you. Indecision will be your worst enemy. Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 22) — Someone is likely to enchant you today. Relationships can become magical, intense and exciting. Open communication is what will seal a deal. Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 21) — Embellishing the truth will get you into trouble, so be honest. Lies will come back to haunt you. Do what you can to dispel any clouds hanging over your head. Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) — Focus on what you wish to accomplish, and get things moving. Disputes will escalate later in the day, so start moving forward with your agenda. NEA Crossword