Issue link: https://www.epageflip.net/i/244573
6B Daily News – Saturday, January 18, 2014 Man who complains about parenting offers no solutions DEAR CAROLYN » My husband is a complainer. Always has been. His complaints often also encompass criticism, or what I perceive to be — usually of something regarding parenting our 5- and 3-yearolds (I'm a stay-at-home mom). His complaints and criticism very, very rarely offer any sort of suggestions or fixes. This has Carolyn been a frusHax trating cycle Ask Carolyn throughout our relationship, and I can't figure out how to break it. I call him out, it seems to get better briefly, and then starts all over again. Please help. — SAHM Have you tried the super-simple "What I'm hearing is that you think X. Is that correct?" He either says yes, or clarifies with Y. Then: "I see. So you see X/Y as a problem. Do you have suggestions for how to fix it?" Depending on his answer, you follow it with either "Great, then please feel welcome to try that" or "Hmm. Well, if you DEAR SAHM » think of anything, please let me know." Then you carry on with what you were doing. That's the micro answer. The macro is that this is who he is, as your relationship has told you all along, and that means any changes need to come from you — be it to accept that this is who and how he is, or to decide a home with him in it is not a healthy one, or to find some workable point between these two extremes. Good, reputable counseling is a viable option, either to get to the root of his negativity (if he's willing to go) or to figure out strategies for dealing with him (if he's unwilling and you go alone). Re: Complaining: Two of the toughest things for me to get used to as a dad were that: (1) My wife's parenting would not be like my parents'. (2) My children were not me and would require different parenting than I did. Since hubby's complaints are about parenting, the question of how he was brought up and how his children are being brought up might be DEAR CAROLYN » broached at a time when he is not complaining. It might start with Mom remarking on things she is doing that differ from her parents' way. — Anonymous BABY BLUES Jerry Scott & Rick Kirkman ZITS Jerry Scott & Jim Borgman DEAR ANONYMOUS » Such a great way to look at it, thank you. DEAR CAROLYN » Re: Complainer: My husband is very similar. He recognizes issues, but panics when put on the spot. When I ask, "What do you propose to do about it?" his response is invariably "I don't know." I reply: "OK, I'm going to go get a cup of coffee/go for a walk/ clean the kitchen. When I get back, please give me your proposal." Giving him some time helps him work through it. — Anonymous 2 Brian Crane PICKLES DEAR ANONYMOUS 2 » Plus, you get coffee, a walk and/or a clean kitchen. Email Carolyn Hax at tellme@washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/ carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com. Darby Conley GET FUZZY Sudoku Instructions: The object is to place the numbers 1 to 9 in the empty squares so that each row, each column and each 3x3 box contains the number only once. SHERMAN'S LAGOON Jim Toomey Answer to Previous Puzzle PEARLS BEFORE SWINE Stephan Pastis Celebrity Cipher By Luis Campos Instructions: Celebrity Cipher cryptograms are created from quotations by famous people, past and present. Each letter in the cipher stands for another. Scott Adams DILBERT BIZARRO Horoscope By Bernice Bede Osol SATURDAY, JAN. 18 Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) — Don't let impulse take over, or you may make a costly mistake. Make choices based on knowledge and facts, not hearsay and fear of missing out. Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 19) — Speak up and let everyone know what you think and how you feel. Someone will try to take advantage of your kindness and enthusiasm if you're not careful. Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20) — Join a group that will help you reach your personal goals. Starting a diet or a new exercise routine will get you back on track and boost your confidence. Aries (March 21-April 19) — A fast-paced approach to whatever you do will attract Dan Piraro ARGYLE SWEATER interest. Develop your ideas and share your thoughts. A partnership with someone who is pursuing a similar dream will help you excel. Taurus (April 20-May 20) — Someone will try to flesh out your ideas. Focus on what you can offer physically, rather than mentally, and you will avoid an unsettling situation. Gemini (May 21-June 20) — Enjoy your home today. Entertain friends and new acquaintances, and share what you have to offer. Your hospitality will result in an interesting proposal. Cancer (June 21-July 22) — Partnerships should take top priority. Offer something special, or make a move on someone you want to get to know better. An unusual discovery will result in a moneymaking idea. Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) — Your willingness to make the changes that are necessary to Scott Hilburn keep your personal relationships running smoothly will not go unnoticed. An unusual offering will lead to certainty and security. Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) — Participate in community events or activities that will allow you to be indulgent with friends, family or someone you love. Don't let an impulsive move quash your good time. Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) — Be careful how you handle domestic situations. Invest your time and money wisely. Home improvements, a move or altering the way you live will result in greater happiness. Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 22) — Consider what you can do to help a greater cause. A unique approach to the way you live will make you feel more at ease. Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 21) — Let your competitive side take over. Play a game of chance or make a personal change that will inspire you. NEA Crossword